Who Really Cares?

[gness]

I was told some weeks ago that I had to move Mum to a nursing home within three weeks.
I refused to accept the nursing home suggested by Social Services and worked my socks off to get her a place in what I consider to be the best possible home for her. I even negotiated a slightly reduced cost with the rather dishy manager....amazing what a bit of eyelash fluttering and a common love of the Rolling Stones will do...☺
Social Services refused to allow me to go ahead until their panel had met to discuss it. (Not the poo panel) That meeting took place last Thursday and despite phone calls and emails we have been unable to have their decision.
Now we find out that Mum is being moved to that home tomorrow...that information came not from Social Services but from a phone call from the home she is in asking if we would pay the cost of moving her...of course we will.
Now, I can fight my corner but if I were an elderly person with a spouse in the position my Mum is in...what hope and what help from Social Services?
Between this and the incontinence pads I am beginning to wonder if they ever achieve anything.

[Tilly2]

So she's going to the home of your choice, Gness?

[Baldric]

Well done gness. one over on the jobsworths by the sound of it!

[excelsior-1]

we're all behind you, gness

[DTCwordfan]

Hi gness - it's a fight for everything isn't - it's also amazing just how many people do not know what they are entitled to as to compensation, services and all the rest, almost as if "let's start on a zero basis and save money from the punters' ignorance."

Not the most caring of attitudes is it? - And I think that this has built up over the decades so any one government can not be blamed - the amazing thing that within it is that there are still caring individuals. Huge change of psychology needed - and of course the extra resources......

[DTCwordfan]

also see e-mail or GMEB this morning as things here took slight turn for the worse yesterday.

[Old_Geezer]

Indeed, as time goes by I get more disillusioned at the society we presently have. It seems to me. that if you can't fight or find someone to fight for you, you are simply used and/or ignored. It's probably not so, but it's seen to often to be like that to feel the system works as it shoudl.

[gness]

She is in the home of my choice but it would have been nice to think it could have been done in discussion with SS and with Mum's needs foremost.
The home they wanted has a bad rating and recent press reports of staff arrested and sacked for physical abuse of residents.
No wonder they had spaces but I was told this was the only home with an available bed for her....not so when I made my own enquiries. But if I hadn't....?
Email read, DT...

[DJHawkes]

I hated the whole process when Mum was in her last few months. The staff seemed to not realise that tying her to a chair in the breakfast room and putting a bowl of weetabix in front of her was not the best way to treat someone dying of leukaemia. If I hadn't decided to pop in after dropping the kids at school we never would have known what they had been doing.
And that place was supposed to be excellent and is still going 13 years later. I'm glad you feel you've done the best you can.

[anneasquith]

isn't it distressing enough for you to be in this position , and not have the support of SS :(

[gness]

Can do no more, Dot.....no way could I care for her at home.

And for those not able to fight for the best, Anne...not a nice thought is it?
Though as OG said...if you can't fight are you used... or fobbed off with second best. There should really be no second best for end of life care.

[DTCwordfan]

Agree on that - and really our government(s) should rethink Trident and redirect a large chunk of the resources from that into beefing aged (long term disease) care and the medical research needed to support potential cures or alleviation of folk in this position, as well as in supporting those that do try to keep them out of homes or hospitals.

[friedgreentomato]

//I am beginning to wonder if they ever achieve anything//

Of course they do!! With all due respect your mother is not the only person they look after.

[pixie373]

I totally agree with you, gness and have a lot of admiration for everything you've done for her. Social Services are notorious for passing people around, one team not knowing what another are doing and giving at a name of someone in charge of your "case" who then goes on holiday for six months. I won't even start on our client with advanced Huntingdons. Thankfully he had a niece (who works in care and knows the system) to fight for him. He was left to rot.

[gness]

Oh how I hate this...with all due respect nonsense.
FGT...Not the only person they look after?!! If they have looked after everyone as they have my mother then they have done naff all....absolutely naff all....Surely to god there must come a point when we see a result... a communication of some sort....or would you be prepared to sit back and say...Oh well...they are not answering us but heyho...they must be helping someone?

In my dealings with them over the past two years I can now see why children die while being monitored by SS.

Hi Pixie....good thing we are not all at the mercy of what is laughingly called ...Social Services....x

[DTCwordfan]

That response, fgt, is somewhat of a crass remark, missing gness's point all together. She asked //but if I were an elderly person with a spouse in the position my Mum is in...what hope and what help from Social Services?//, her point being does everyone have to fight for proper action to be taken - my experience of dementia is that you sure better do your research to know what to ask for......that also includes the tax side too, by the way.

[friedgreentomato]

Apologies I should have known better!

[DTCwordfan]

I am sure gness will appreciate that, fgt. I would....

The tax - for example rates relief on the house in which the 'patient' is living.....100% off if single, 20% discount if a relative is living with them, the other area being tax exposure on pensions to attendance allowances and also ré carers' limits, a lot of it Social Services linked, one piece of advice is to set up trust funds and therefore this permits income offset.

[gness]

Apology accepted, FGT...and I hope you are never in the head banging situation we have been in of late.

Jordy...two years ago I would have reprimanded you for the fecking joke comment...after the last couple of months I can only say I am glad I have a sense of humour.....joke is just the right word for what I have witnessed...☺

[gness]

And Finally! An email from the social worker to say she has phoned my brother and apologised for the delay in letting us know that funding has been agreed for Mum at the home of our choice.
Seems she was not at work on the day the decision was reached and didn't know until she read my email yesterday that no-one had informed the family.
Says it all really and as FGT made so very clear...my Mum will not be her only client. I hope the others are on the ball.