Is He Really Cheating ?????

[lkn2cln]

My husband and I have been together since high school. Been married 18 yrs together for 23 and just in the last couple months I have started thinking he is cheating on me with a coworker. I have asked him about it and he just says that is ridiculous. I've found texts on his phone, even heard a recording on his phone were they were flirting back and forth. He works with her and I never know when he is getting off work its different times everyday. She's married too so they spend most of there time together at work. The times I have mentioned it has started a big argument and just puts our relationship to hell . Don't know what to do

[murraymints]

Sounds like he protests too much ? If you know her number I'd text her back and remind her he's a married man and she has her own husband too !

[ummmm]

What did the texts say?

[Zacs-Master]

Sounds like you have grounds for suspicion. Generally, men find flirting very flattering and it can easily lead to an affair. All you can do is tell him, in as rational and calm way as you can, that you find his behaviour upsetting.

[andy-hughes]

If you have 'found texts', that means youhave been looking at his phone - which indicates that you feel he has something to hide.

You need to have a calm and honest discussion, and the accent here is on the 'calm' bit.

Tell him you have heard the flirting recording, and he needs to either be honest with you if something is going on, or act his age if it is not.

Either way, you will know where you, and your relationship, are going.

[B00]

The flirting alone would be enough to make me snap.

[Prudie]

Yes, what did the texts say and does he know you saw them? Only he can tell you, I flirt outrageously with men at work quite innocently but I'd understand that a wife might not be seeing it in the same way. On the other hand if there were something going on then aggressive denial is also a classic get out method. Could he be seeing her outside of work hours?

[ummmm]

I agree with Triggs. Flirting or friendly depends on the frame of mind of the person listening.

[ummmm]

Aggressive denial could also mean he's innocent and doesn't like being accused of something he's not doing.

[pixie373]

Does he admit to flirting, even?

[Old_Geezer]

Time will tell. Meanwhile discuss the issue with him as calmly as you can. It sounds as if so far it has been felt as attack/accusation, which we can not tell whether there is wrongdoing or no from the post. As others have said/implied, what is considered too far for one is simple friendly interaction for another. Only the pair of you can come to agreement about such things within your own relationship.

[Brinjal]

Why did you start checking his phone? What has changed in your relationship that has made you feel something is going on? Generally a wife's instinct is spot on. Why does he get off work at different times does he work shifts. Follow him. Or get someone to do it for you he will never admit it if he is cheating but on the other hand if you find out he is cheating what will you do. Things will never be the same so make sure you really want to know before you start digging.

[Sqad]

All the signs and symptoms are very suggestive of him having an affair.

"Calm and honest discussions" are only valid if you both agree on a settlement..........do you? I doubt it.

2 options..a) live with it b) wait for further and more indicative diagnostic features of infidelity and then come back to us.

[Molly45]

Unfortunately more than half of all men, and also more than half of all women admit to infidelity. So you can imagine the true figure is much higher.

The time to give up on a relationship is surely if you are not happy in it. If you are otherwise happy, aside from this possible dalliance, why not confront it head on and speak to the woman concerned.

For anyone interested the following link has the supposed percentages.

http://www.statisticbrain.com/infidelity-statistics/

[Sqad]

Molly...I am not a great one for statistics, just an anecdotal or "on the ground " man, but those statistics would support my personal experiences.