My Friend Is Still Missing Her Mother.

[tamaris]

It has been years since she died, admittedly they had a good relationship, but I find this strange, I just accepted it after grieving when my mother died, we had a difficult relationship. Does that say it all ?

[pixie373]

It could be, if they spent a lot of time together, different situations will come up that will "rub it in" that her mum isn't there. She may have relied on her a lot. Everyone's different.
It could also be that she's having a hard time or unhappy with something else and is identifying it as missing her mum.

[boxtops]

Everyone is different, tamaris - I still miss my mother, and she's been gone 11 years this month. The relationship thing may have something to do with it - I rarely miss my father after nearly 30 years, I wasn't particularly close to him, whereas I lived with my mother for several years in her later life.

[boxtops]

^ Having said that, there are still times when I think "what would Dad have advised in this situation....?"

[spudqueen]

I think it depends on your personality and how much you dwell on things. Also even though I still miss people who have died I don't go around saying so. I just think of them and am sad that they are no longer here, but I don't need to share that with anyone.

[anneasquith]

a year is no time at all in the grieving process.

[tamaris]

Good to hear your comments.

[tamaris]

A year ?

[woofgang]

I am not actually sure what your question is?

[anneasquith]

sorry, not one year,

[Fusion5]

I don't think there is a timescale on grief.

[tamaris]

Maybe if you read it again Wofgang you would understand the question

[sherrardk]

I think it affects everyone differently. My mother died nearly four years ago and I 'got over' it very quickly (admittedly we didn't have a fab relationship and I had a shed load of other stuff going on). My youngest sister is still grieving (well, posting stuff on FB about missing our mother, etc) but she is very self absorbed so I don't know if it's just for show.

[bednobs]

there is no time limit on grief, and it's different for different people.
my daughter died over 3 years ago now yet i still feel sad about it most days and miss her terribly. Should i be "over it"? i don't think so but another friend i have in the same position feels rather differently to me and feels like she's "put that chapter of her life behind her"

[woofgang]

Nope, have reread and still don't understand. Are you asking if you would miss your mother for longer if you had had a better relationship?
personally I think its a bit insensitive to be judging another's grief.

[tamaris]

Interesting comments from most of you

[Peaspeculiars]

Woofgang, I agree, the question is admittedly a bit hazy.
Tamaris, I'm hoping that your history with your own mother/ daughter relationship will not effect the understanding and support you show your friend on this matter.
If a persons relationship is difficult and not close with a family member, they will most likely be less affected by them passing, than say a person who absolutely adores their family member. Does that say it all? I hope it answers your question.

[Prudie]

I'd also add that it doesn't have to have been a poor relationship for grieving to pass more quickly, it can depend on when the person died. My mother died at 89 and I'd been accepting it because of her age and we were always very close. I miss her a lot but didn't grieve for long. I was just glad she died with all her faculties and never had to go into care or suffer. Had she died when I was much younger I'd have been devastated.

[paddywak]

I think I had a typical relationship with my dad always arguing, couldn't do anything right gradually growing into a closeness it's hard to describe unless you've experienced it and mum was the same.Dad passed on nearly 40 years ago and mum about five years later. Some times months go by with out really thinking of them then some thing happens to bring every thing back and you realise that you still miss them

[ummmm]

My Dad died 6 years ago next month, although I don't cry as much now, I'm still gutted every time I think about him.