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Am I Doing Something So Wrong?
50 Answers
I have been with my g/f for a year. I have an 8yr old son from a previous marriage that ended 4 years ago. My g/f is extremely jealous / insecure about my ex, mainly because we maintain amicable relations that I think benefits our son.
Problems have escalated recently and my g/f has kind of issued some 'ultimatums' to me!
My ex and I have made a point of being there on Xmas day to watch him open his presents, either she would come to mine or I would go to hers around 6.30am when he wakes up and both enjoy that present opening moment, then would leave shortly afterwards. Aside from that, his birthday has just gone by and she did a small gathering of family / friends at her house that I attended and I did a party for his school friends at the weekend that she attended.
My g/f has declared this as weird behaviour that sends out the wrong messages to our son and that it must stop. The only person this bothers is her, so I just don't get why it's a problem. She has met my ex, who was nice to her, but this jealousy remains.
Her fuel for this jealousy stems from going through my phone earlier in the year and seeing friendly texts that were sent between us that were signed off with a couple of 'x's. My ex was having a very bad time, was on anti depressants and this was having a negative affect on our son. I was being nice, compassionate, friendly, just trying to ease the impact of her problems on our son.
So... Am I so wrong? I'm so confused by this and just feel dictated to by my g/f
Problems have escalated recently and my g/f has kind of issued some 'ultimatums' to me!
My ex and I have made a point of being there on Xmas day to watch him open his presents, either she would come to mine or I would go to hers around 6.30am when he wakes up and both enjoy that present opening moment, then would leave shortly afterwards. Aside from that, his birthday has just gone by and she did a small gathering of family / friends at her house that I attended and I did a party for his school friends at the weekend that she attended.
My g/f has declared this as weird behaviour that sends out the wrong messages to our son and that it must stop. The only person this bothers is her, so I just don't get why it's a problem. She has met my ex, who was nice to her, but this jealousy remains.
Her fuel for this jealousy stems from going through my phone earlier in the year and seeing friendly texts that were sent between us that were signed off with a couple of 'x's. My ex was having a very bad time, was on anti depressants and this was having a negative affect on our son. I was being nice, compassionate, friendly, just trying to ease the impact of her problems on our son.
So... Am I so wrong? I'm so confused by this and just feel dictated to by my g/f
Answers
I don't see it as him spending time with his ex, I see this as him spending time with his son, as he should, and his ex happens to be around. The fact that they're able to be amicable about the split also tells me they've handled it with a admirable level of maturity, after all they're gonna have to be in some form of contact until the son starts leading his own life away...
14:58 Mon 27th Oct 2014
Not so at all, In a mo........the first MrsG and I are still good friends as we were before MrG died.....
When the children married they bought a joint present as parents....I bought mine.....
We looked after each other's children and grandchildren...she was named guardian to our daughter....
Why should it not work.....they once loved each other....I once loved my ex....who got on well with MrG....and MrG's first family.
The late MrG helped looked after my ex husband's parents when they were on their own....
It worked well because none of us is/was selfish and jealous.....
Jeff.....you shouldn't have to consider an ultimatum.....if you bow to her wishes now will it be something else six months on.....and then something else.....
You sound nice....you need a good relationship....don't be dictated to....Gx
When the children married they bought a joint present as parents....I bought mine.....
We looked after each other's children and grandchildren...she was named guardian to our daughter....
Why should it not work.....they once loved each other....I once loved my ex....who got on well with MrG....and MrG's first family.
The late MrG helped looked after my ex husband's parents when they were on their own....
It worked well because none of us is/was selfish and jealous.....
Jeff.....you shouldn't have to consider an ultimatum.....if you bow to her wishes now will it be something else six months on.....and then something else.....
You sound nice....you need a good relationship....don't be dictated to....Gx
Thanks for all the answers and even the interactions some of you have with each other make me smile!
The general consensus seems to be that my g/f is insecure - I agree. Also, I have no interest in my ex wife per se, but if I go to see my son, she will be there so we may as we'll get on, right? I hold no grudges that she had an affair and left me. She respects the fact that I put our son first - the real winner is that he gets s calm balanced upbringing I think.
My ex would happily be invited, but her animosity levels and anger towards the topic preclude that idea from happening sadly - but it could happen for sure
We do not live together. We were going too in June, but she backed out on the day of moving in, citing some minor excuses to delay things. Only now she says this is the real reason! I find her mindset hard to keep up with!
The general consensus seems to be that my g/f is insecure - I agree. Also, I have no interest in my ex wife per se, but if I go to see my son, she will be there so we may as we'll get on, right? I hold no grudges that she had an affair and left me. She respects the fact that I put our son first - the real winner is that he gets s calm balanced upbringing I think.
My ex would happily be invited, but her animosity levels and anger towards the topic preclude that idea from happening sadly - but it could happen for sure
We do not live together. We were going too in June, but she backed out on the day of moving in, citing some minor excuses to delay things. Only now she says this is the real reason! I find her mindset hard to keep up with!
Your relationship with your son is the most important thing here. I think it's wonderful that you and your ex-wife have reached this point where you can be perfectly civil and amicable for your son's sake.
I agree with the others, your girlfriend has the problem here. I hate to say it, but can you really see a future with someone who cannot cope with your ex-wife?
I agree with the others, your girlfriend has the problem here. I hate to say it, but can you really see a future with someone who cannot cope with your ex-wife?
