Christmas In The Village...part 3

[mrs_overall]

The door to the Quizzes & Puzzles Arms flew open and PC Andy Hughes strode in. He took in the tableau of Murraymints poised to strike with a baseball bat, Sunny Dave sitting astride a Honda 50cc moped with two mismatched cattle horns tied to the handlebars and a blue plastic bread crate tied to the rear wheel, a large pile of junk on the bar and the most unusual and suspicious spectacle of all - the assembled villagers were totally silent. Shaking his head he nodded at Minty and said "Can I have something strong and erm....non alcoholic please love. Oh, and have you a damp cloth I can use to wipe the blood off my truncheon."
Turning to the assembled throng he said "Have I got this right, you lot are outraged over the incident at the village hall?" All heads nodded cautiously.
"And you are particularly outraged because the incident involved a party for young orphans aged 5 and under?" All heads nodded slightly more enthusiastically.
"OK then" said PC Hughes, getting fully into his stride, "exactly how many orphans aged 5 and under are there in the village?"
The silence was deafening.
"Right, I'll take that as an answer of 'none'. How many orphans aged over 5 years do we have in the village?"
Baldric did some quick sums using his fingers, and for once didn't have to take his shoes and socks off to use his toes as well to work out the answer.
"None?" he volunteered.
"Do we have any bloody orphans in any shape or form living in the village?" barked PC Hughes.
"Well, I am an orphan" said tonyav and quickly followed this with "Owwwww" as an empty bottle flew across the room and hit him on the head.
"So, if we have no orphans living in the village, WHO IS HAVING A FREE PARTY IN THE VILLAGE HALL?"
Just then the door burst open and in stumbled a very dishevelled excuse for Santa Claus. His hat and false beard were askew and he appeared to have several lipstick marks on his cheeks. Several buttons were missing from his jacket, revealing several rolls of unappealing, hairy blubber. Most villagers noticed he had several fingers and one ear missing and immediately recognised him. Ann stepped forward from the crowd and said "Talbot, who on earth said you would make a good Santa? With all your missing appendages from chainsaw mishaps, you'll frighten kiddies to death!"
"Kiddith?" lisped Talbot, "you have to be joking! They are no more kiddith than I am, they are devilth! I'd like to know who organithed thith party."
Sunny-Dave tried to quietly back his moped out of the door, forgetting about the blue plastic bread tray/sleigh tied to the back wheel, which impeded a sneaky exit. With a guilty smile, he said "I think I have made a mistake. I can explain."
TO BE CONTINUED

[tonyav]

Hey mrs overreach, who threw that bloody bottle Mind you I have a feeling it could be a vertically challenged woman !.

[Psybbo]

I saw her, Tonyav, you're right

[tonyav]

I knew it !.

[jourdain2]

I am agog for the next installment when the turkey and plum-pudding come into play - not to mention the Kalashnikov!

[tonyav]

Tony searches for his rocket launcher.

[Psybbo]

Should I confess to the bat attack on Talbot?

[tonyav]

never confess to anything on here, Psybbo.

[jourdain2]

It may get you time off Psybbo - worth considering!

[lardhelmet]

Don't tell 'em Psybbo! Get yourself an alibi. Tell them you were putting the sprouts on!

[DTCwordfan]

what happened to Part 2 - or am I pished....?

[jourdain2]

Only you know DCT!

[DTCwordfan]

B-rill....nothing more to be said, apart from Talboth feckin' up

[DTCwordfan]

jourdain has been on 'la bouteille du vin ou quelque chose'....DTC - not DCT x

[jourdain2]

Oui - or do I mean weei? confused.....

[tonyav]

Here you go, DT.
http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/ChatterBank/Question1387855.html

[DTCwordfan]

thank you tone, the genius in Mrs Overparagraph's writing was that she didn't even need 2 as it flows through.....'Bridge Over Untroubled Writing' perhaps?

[tonyav]

Most probably, DT.

[gness]

So...am I getting the flippin' Honda or what?????

[tonyav]

Yeah, I need to know to, Gness. I've got all my tools at the ready.

[gness]

Well,Tony.....if Dave doesn't soon end up in that river you and I are never going to escape this village together...... :-(