Is It All In The Mind, A Fetish Or A Real Sexual Preference And How Should I Handle It?

[ConradF]

I'm a 21 year old white Afrikaans South African male.While me and my mates would talk about girls, I've noticed they have strong sexual attraction. Here white guys look at white girls. I have had many crushes on girls, but I have never really felt very sexually attracted to my crushes.

I recently went to a place with a large biracial population and I can't tell you how many times I checked those biracial girls out only to notice they aren't white. It kept happening, strong sexual attraction to these girls. I then started looking at black girls with other eyes too! Suddenly I noticed them.

I am not a racist, I have no problem with interracial dating, but here it is a problem. Many white Afrikaans people, are rejected by their families, disowned for dating outside their race. My friends openly joke about the 'disgusting freaks' who date black or biracial girls. When I hinted that I was attracted to a biracial gir, they were disgusted and shocked and rejecting, I had to pretend I was joking.

I love my friends and family. Having my own family someday is my life goal. It would shatter me to disappoint my friends and family who have done so much for me, helped me in all walks of life, by doing something that will lead to my expulsion from my community.

So what should I do? I do find white girls attractive, just not as sexually? Or maybe I have a fetish?

Tolerance to interracial dating here is VERY VERY low.

Thanks in advance!

[shoota]

If a person is 'nice' and fanciable it matters not a jot what colour hide they are clad in.
Ditch the shallow friends and go with your gut feeling.

[Mamyalynne]

It is a task the younger generation will have to take on , break the prejudices of their elders and peers.

It shouldn't be so but sadly it is in some societies.

Follow your heart not any rule laid down in the society you grew up in.

[Prudie]

In the very liberal UK we forget how prejudices still exist in many other countries and cultures so it's not as easy as saying do your own thing. I'd give it time and not worry too much. For one thing what you find attractive may change. If it doesn't only you can make the choice to go against your friends and family or look to move somewhere where you can be free to love who you want.

[EDDIE51]

What you are feeling is normal. It is the attitude of your friends that is wrong.
I realise that racial prejudice in South Africa was a lot deeper than in most of the rest of the world and that sex 'across the colour bar' was actually illegal until the end of apartheid. You need to realise that things have changed and it is perfectly normal to find girls of other racial groups sexually attractive.
Changing your friends attitude is going to take time though. No one gives it a second thought here now, though they did think that way 30 or so years back.

[EDDIE51]

You need to come to the UK on holiday for a week or two, you will find that black and white mix freely without any more comment than if a couple had a different hair colours.

[Dahlia_Lama]

Seems like the forbidden fruits tastes sweeter scenario. I wouldn't fret too much about it, if we were all honest we'd admit to a secret harbouring for something we shouldn't ...its human nature and nothing to do with where you live. Be careful though please.

[SpikeyBush]

If you love someone nothing else matters. I married my wife at the height of the troubles in Northern Ireland, her being Catholic and me being not compatible by rules of the time. Balls to the rules. We're still solid as rocks.

[woofgang]

There is more to love than skin colour...wait until you don’t notice the colour of her hair, eyes or skin.

[Dahlia_Lama]

I should say that of course I don't agree with any barriers due to colour creed or religion but I accept that despite moves forward those stigmas still exist sadly.You mentioned fetish/sexual preferance ... I feel its part of your upbringing due to where you live , it's easy for us in the UK to he malevolent about it but it's real in your country .Be careful

[david small]

You are a victim of your culture. Stick to what is exceptable within your environment. The misery that such a relationship would bring to you and your partners life, courtesy of your peers and relatives would be hard to endure.
Its tough that we need the approval of others to function smoothly. Go with the flow, or Go.

[Old_Geezer]

That you do not find women of your own skin colour sexually attractive seems to imply to me that this is more about novelty and "forbidden fruit" than anything.

Nothing wrong in finding other races attractive but one can not simply dismiss the difficulties encountered when one's culture disapproves. Should you decide to follow your desires you would need to cope with the consequences.

If you do so it might be easier if you emigrated to a more enlightened part of the world to seek your fortune. Or you could wait until you find the woman who you wish to share your life with whom your family would be more accepting of. This has to be your personal choice. Folk here can only point out pifalls and give encouragement reassurance etc..