Have A Laugh

[marval]

The maths teacher said, “If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Pamela, 3 to Sonia and 2 to Nadine then what will you get?”
Johnny replied three new girlfriends.

A man went to work for a zoo veterinarian. "Look in the lion's mouth," the vet told him. Scared he asked, "How do I do that?" "Carefully," replied the vet.

The Judge asked the defendant, "Mr. Jones, do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?"
Mr. Jones: "I do." "Now what do you say to defend yourself?"
"Your Honour, under those limitations nothing."

A woman goes to a police station.
Woman: My husband went to the market yesterday to bring potatoes.
He has not returned home yet.
Inspector: Why don't you cook something else then?

Two men visited a sports stadium.
First man: Why are all these people running?
Second man: This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
First man: If only the winner gets the cup, why are the other people running?

Angela was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of well-deserved complaining and self-pitying.
She moaned to her mum and brother, "Nobody loves me. The whole world hates me."
Her brother, busy with a computer game, said: "That's not true, Angela. Some people don't even know you."

Diner: Could I have a glass of water?
Waiter: To drink?
Diner: No, I want to rinse out a few things

Detective: How did you get into counterfeiting?
Criminal: I answered an ad that said, "Make money at home."

Ralph: My sister made a chocolate cake for my birthday.
Keith: Wow! How was it?
Ralph: The candles melted in the oven.

Salesman: That suit looks nice. It fits like a bandage.
Customer: Thanks. I bought it by accident