Look, I am now 70 (how that happened, I don't know) but in the early hours of the morning if I wake-up - I can find myself miserably thrashing myself mentally for something that happened over 50 years ago. It takes a minute to shove it away. You may need some guidance/counselling about how to do this. I could add a word of hope - I've finally found myself in a happy marriage and relegated most problems to the places they belong.. I'm unsure about what you mean about 'one night stands' … never done that sort of thing and your sentence is rather muddled. I'm a Christian, so that helped me.
I repeat, re-post in 'Body & Soul' please. :)