Is She Wasting Her Time?

[DarceyK123]

Daughter is divorced and probably a bit lonely when she was contacted by an old school friend she had not seen for about 15 years.

They have been messaging each other every day for about 9 months and she was really enjoying his friendship and someone else to talk to outside her normal work mates and family. She thought they had got quite close, although she didn't want anything more as she's been deeply hurt by her ex.

He's lives at the other end of the Country now anyway but he did ask her if she was still living at the same address which she confirmed.

Well this week it was her birthday (which he did know) and he didn't send her a card. She's very upset and was even crying about it, i told her it didn't matter but she says she feels that she obviously doesn't mean anything to him, it doesn't even take any effort these days with so many online card places which i kind of agree with.

She feels all those chats and banter meant nothing to him if he couldn't even be bothered to do a couple of clicks of the mouse.

Any thoughts? (Yes she does know im posting)

[jno]

maybe the card just got lost, or maybe he forgot to post it - since he went to the trouble of asking about her address. (Did she actually provide the address? If she just said "same old place" and he got it wrong, then it won't arrive.)

Anyway, forget it. Cards aren't mandatory. They're communicating every day. If she enjoys that, keep at it. If she doesn't, stop. But cancelling because a card hasn't turned up seems petty.

[tonyav]

I wouldn't worry about it, Darcey. To some blokes ( including myself ) this card sending thing can be a pain in the bum, I either forget or need prompting. Maybe he's the same. She should stay with the daily chatter and banter with him though imo.

[DarceyK123]

Yes, thats what i said, if she's enjoying the friendship then keep going but shes now got it in her head that if he cared about her he would have made the effort. He does have the correct address as she emailed it to him.

I think she's still very vunerable after the divorce.

[jno]

tonyav, e-cards are the way to go. Line them all up at the start of the year, arrange for them all to be sent the night before, then put your feet up for the next 364 days.

[DarceyK123]

Ha ha! Yes indeed. But he couldnt even be bothered to do that!

I think she knows its silly to get upset about it but also thinks "here we go, another man who couldnt give a hoot about me".

[tonyav]

Good advice that, jno.

[jno]

I sympathise with her, Darcey, sometimes you just like to feel that other people are acknowledging your existence. But you can't really demand that anyone does so. I think she just needs to enjoy what she's got rather than fretting over what she hasn't.

[DarceyK123]

I agree Jno, i think its just that after her ex treated her badly she feels "unloved" and thinks maybe she's into their friendship more than he is and is afraid of making a fool of herself over a man again.

[barry1010]

Has she sent him a birthday card? Did they exchange Christmas cards?

[davebro]

If he's at the other end of the country & they both have more or less settled jobs/lives there doesn't seem much prospect of a relationship except on line. She should look elsewhere if she wants to move on.

[DarceyK123]

Barry, yes she sent him a xmas card but he didnt send her one.
Dave, she says she doesn't want a 'proper' relationship with him but she just wanted to feel he cared about her in some way.
Think she's very mixed up after divorce.

[TheChair]

Jno's method is a good way of saying "couldn't really be bothered, but I've done my duty". I have a couple of friends who do that, and frankly, I'd rather receive no card at all.

[DarceyK123]

I don't think its the actual card she's upset about, its that he didn't think enough of her to bother.

[Hopkirk]

He's a man.
We're useless at these things.

[Patsy33]

Maybe she should say jokingly, 'Hey, where's my b/d card?.. He might then give his excuses...
She does seem very fragile, bless her.

[DarceyK123]

Patsy, yes i did suggest that but she said she didn't want him to think she was bothered (which clearly she is).

[Canary42]

He enjoys a chat with her (he may be lonely too) - but that's it.

Or, he too may be nervous about going too deep after a painful past experience.

And being so distant there's not much future in it anyway.

She should continue the light-hearted cyber-friendship, but seek elsewhere (nearer home) for anything more significant IMHO.

[Mailin20]

She is no tryst anymore anyone’s
All the men is bads people and they is no have to feel anything anymore
All the men is only one to takes you on the bed and is do bads stuff with you daughter
So you tell ya your daughter no worries anymore

[Prudie]

I understand why she's upset as a woman but also know there are a lot of men like Tony, decent and caring but sending cards is just not on their radar. Plus yes there's online like Moonpig but it's quite a faff IMO, you have to pick a card, select wording, enter address then enter card or PayPal details and billing address...phew I'm exhausted just thinking about it.