Face Facts Or Push On Through?

[Feetrixifee]

I've been with my boyfriend for 10 months and as we were friends before we started dating, we felt confident moving in together. I had split up with my ex-boyfriend 9 months before and my current boyfriend was at the end of a divorce (he was married for one year and both our ex's had had affairs).

However, recently my boyfriend has become quite withdrawn and will go through mood swings too. One day he's happy the next really angry and shouting at me over the smallest thing. He does say he loves me (although most of the time this is after I have said I love him), but I'm just not sure that he's happy being with me. I have asked him if he is happy and he says yes - surely if he was not he would say something or if he didn't want to be with me, he would tell me? Part of me thinks that he might be being horrible to me because he can't face being the one to split up and if he's horrible enough then I will leave him?

Part of me thinks that he might be depressed as after researching on the internet, some of his moods and actions appear to be those of someone who might be depressed - I fully understand that he might not be over his marriage yet, but I'm worried that if I tell him I think he's depressed and should see a doctor, he'll get angry again.

I am 110% sure he is not having an affair. My last 4 boyfriends all had affairs and I found each of them out. Please don't ask if I am sure about this because I am.

So is this just a normal thing couples go through? Or am I missing something else? Should I face facts that our relationship might be coming to and end, or see this as just a phase and be strong for my boyfriend and myself? Isn't that what women have to do?

All comments welcome!

[chimpydoodle]

Are there any others things that could be causing him to be depressed? Work? Family? Does his ex still keep in touch and bother him???

[Feetrixifee]

He is doing two jobs at the moment - one of which is running his own business and that can be quite stressful. As far as I know he does not have any problems with his family, although he is a very private person and might not be telling (or feel he can tell) me everything.

His ex does not keep in touch with him - he cannot stand her. One thing I forgot to put in my original post is that his ex ran off with his best mate. I have been thinking that one reason for his depression could be that he does not have a male friend to turn to in times of wanting to talk "bloke stuff" or vent. Therefore he vents at me and our relationship might not be strong enough to handle this yet. My boyfriend does have other male friends, but I'm sure none that he can confide in like his ex-best friend - besides, after his best mate did what he did, I can totally understand my boyfriend having trust issues with most people.

[chimpydoodle]

He sounds like he has a lot on his plate then, maybe work could be worrying him. Being s/emp is a big responsibility if he has got rent/mortgage to pay for on your new place?

If you are woried about him and constantly asking him how he is and wahts wrong with him that will make being at home as miserable as being at workfor him. Try not worrying too much (or least dont let him know if u are!) and make the time you spend together fun.

Men don't open up like women do and if he was able to talk to his friend who he has now lost then that will be a real blow to him. Trust is a big part of it, if he wasn't able to trust his ex and his b/mate then its understandable if he feels alone. I'm sure its not a reflection on his feelings for you more likely a deep rooted problem which will get better with time.

[Feetrixifee]

Thanks Chimpydoodle - I do try and be as cheerful as I can when we're together, but sometimes it can be a strain on me. I have a very demanding job and sometimes when I come home all I want is a bit of affection from him. It's hard understanding that some men just need to be left alone when they've had a hard day's work, rather than come home to a needy girly.

I've taken your advice on board - perhaps he just needs some space, a few nights alone in a week to chill out. I guess our relationship is still very young and we are still getting to know each other as lovers rather than as friends. Thanks again!

[Rubyrose]

Me and my ex were together 5yrs. We were best mates before we got together and we had a great relationship Then we moved in together and about 8 months later my ex started becoming just like that. He would have mood swings, snap at me, seem depressed. It turned out he liked someone else and didn't know how to break up with me. He was in a 3yr relationship before me and she broke up with him and he was devasted. I think he didn't like the idea of being the one to end it. He kept telling me he loved me right up to the day he ended it.

I think you should ask your boyfriend whats going on with him and tell him how you are feeling. Maybe what ever is on his mind will come out. He might be dying to tell you but at the same time he may not realise anything is wrong!

Good luck. xx