My friend needs a lot of help.

[crowdpleeser]

My friend is in dire straits.Her problems have escalated in the the last year,since she developed an injury to her knee.The joint swelled up so badly that she couldn't walk and had to quit her job.Since then she hasn't worked and is living off her savings.Another problem is her accomodation.She lives in a broken down old house that is just getting worse.A few months ago she got rid of her old sim card and got a new one because she just had enough of everyone who had let her down.Now she has three people in her phone.Her knee joint STILL hasn't healed after 6 months and I'm getting worried.She spends most of her day sleeping.A big barrier to her getting help is that she is post op-trannsexual,and so has to deal with the most open hostility.She says it's common for people to openly spit at her as she walks down the street.What worries me most is that she has stopped going out and socialising,and stopped meditating,which was her main way of dealing with the difficulties of her life.I spoke on the phone to her yesterday,and am now seriously worried.She won't agree for me to take her to hospital .She won't agree to go to the council for help for housing because she doesn't want to deal with the open hostility.I am very aware that the more I insist, the more stubborn she will get, but I am considering risking our friendship to get her a better place to live and to go to the hospital.She has been like a family member to me.She has always been there for me.If something happens to my friend I would would be devasted.I don't want to force her into doing something that she doesn't want to do.Help:
(1). The problem of her knee
(2) Help with the housing situation (she lives in clapham common, which I think is covered by Lambeth council? I might be wrong).
(3). Help with what I can say over the phone, ie advice I can give without being overbearing or interfering.
Please help, ALL suggestions and advice welcome.

[China Doll]

Oh, your poor friend! Sounds like a rough year.

Right, think you should call her GP and get them to pay a house visit, a GP could make a physio appointment for her at the hospital and could also start treating the depression which it sounds like your friend is suffering from.

Your friend is post-op transexual you say so another thing that might be good is to google the internet for some groups that she could join. There's bound to be some and it might help for her to have people she can socialise with who have been in or are in the same boat as her.

I'm not sure what you can say over the phone but it might be better if you go and see her as you can't see a persons face on the phone. Perhaps if she sees how worried about her you are she might see that you aren't trying to interfere or be overbearing but that you do really want to help her.

I wish you luck xx

[Amara]

You are obviously a good and caring person and a wonderful friend, and it is great that you want to help. It sounds to me like she needs some professional help in one form or another to get her out of this low period she is goind through. A counsellor or spiritual counsellor would be beneficial, obviously depending on which is more comfortable with her. You can offer your support with the more practical things you have listed, and for the knee maybe suggest some Reiki or acupuncture. There is one thing to remember though and that is that she has to want to make the changes, you can help but you can't do it for her. Tell her that she is a worthwhile and special person and you will walk this path with her every step of the way. Send love from a distance and call in angels to surround her now. I send you much love and light. Amara xx

[PatriciaH]

Why dont you suggest to her to move in with you (if thats possible) and go from there,she sounds really depressed to me, keep trying and good luck

[Eric Git]

Hi,

Your poor friend, I do feel for her. With regards to her knee complaint, contact DSS and ask for a DLA (Disability Living Allowence) pack, this doesn't mean that she is disabled, it just means that she needs help. Fill it in for her, remembering to tick all the boxes that say 7days/7nights a week that she needs help. The ask her to sign it and send it off for her, if you have trouble filling it in, give me a shout on [email protected] and I'll help. Next do as others have said and have a quiet word with her doctor, he won't be able to disclose any details to you, but say your concerns and then he should instigate a nurse to do a home visit on the premise of post op care or follow up to the knee problem.
Once you have done this, you can then contact the local council and let them know that your friend has applied for DLA and has medical grounds for moving, they probably won't be too helpful at first, but keep on to it, pick up the transfer forms from them and also get your friends name down on an exchange list and transfer list, that way others who may want to move to that area will get in contact and a move may come about.
Go on the internet and look up Gay, Lesbian, Transexual, Transvestite groups in London, they normally have a help line and contact numbers, give them a shout and I'm sure they will help, also if it is possible record the events and times when your friend has had abuse thrown at here, both physical and verbal, if you know the names the better, but if not, take a photo with a camera phone for ID, not may people know that it is a criminal offence to spit at people, let alone call them names, and then report it to the police, if a diary is kept with supporting eveidence then something can be done.
The best thing you can do for her, is just to be there and listen, ask her to stay with you for a while if it helps.
Good luck

[pappasmurf]

Could you ask her to get me Mark Knopfler's autoghraph ?