Help!!

[Anna_78]

This is my siuation.....I met and married my husband very quickly a few months ago, I knew that he had a son to a previous relationship and knew that he had no contact with the child due to his ex-partner refusing contact, he has spent thousands trying to resolve this and come to a dead end resulting in him "giving up" he owns a house which his son and ex-partner live in but he has no access to it even though most of his belongings are still there (he was last inside approx 6 months ago, his son is 2) ....he was paying maintenance money up until we got married on top of her having possession of his belongings and property but has now ceased this. my question is am I being unreasonable in thinking he should sell the property in order for us to start our own life and buy our own property etc and recommence access proceedings his ex partner cheated on him which resulted in the break up and uncertainty as to whether the child even was his.......as far as i see it he is giving her a free ride just because she was pregnant and is not thinking of his new life with his new wife....i feel second best.....is this right, im going out of my mind and we are constantly arguing, please help!!!

[Ms.Hijinx]

wow anna big dilemma i think you should get 100% facts first so i think i would get dna to see if child is his if he is then why not go for custody he only has to keep a roof over her head if she is looking after his child although she must have recompense for what she invested in the house etc, if his name is still on the deeds i don't think she can stop him from removing his possessions i think you should see a solicitor pdq and sort out this mess before its adversely affects the little one good luck

[liquidspace]

It sounds to me like his wife is being very unfair UNLESS there is a very good reason why he is not allowed contact, i.e. a court order or something. If not, then if the house is in his name I would have thought he could sell it, she would probably get a share of the proceeds and then he could buy a place for you with his share. You do have rights here and he should respect them.

[PinkFizz]

Sounds an absolute nightmare - I really feel for you.Easy to say that you shouldn't have rushed into a marriage with so much mess going on but hindsight is a wonderful thing! I really think he should put the house on the market,and if there is no legal document saying he cant see his child then he should also pursue contact as well.Please let us know what goes on.xx

[Dassie]

No.1 question is what's in his divorce settlement? Did he agree she could have use of the house? If not then he should sell it. Ask him for a copy!

[kazza12345]

i think it goes against him that he has stopped paying maintenance recently ... what was the reason for this?

[allyj]

Hi anna, I'm in a similar boat, firstly get a parental resposability order giving him equal rights, secondly seek legal advice for access to the child, dads have rights too. look into the property details if it's a shared mortgage they have, then again seek legal advice, if it's in his name then there is nothing to stop him from selling the property and her having to find somewhere else just do it nicely by giving her say 6 months notice to vacate the property first. Try not to row, i know it's hard but it's just more strain on you relationship, you really should recommence the csa payments as much as it might apin you to do so, it's not for her it's for the little one (be the bigger person). hope it all works out for you. x

[Anna_78]

Thanks everyone for your advice and comments, the house is in my husbands name only and was fully paid for by him, he stopped the payments (which were voluntary and not through the csa) due to the fact that he is already providing free accommodation. We have now come to a mutual decision......(without arguing which was the key!!) we are going to give the house to my husbands son and register it in his name, when he is old enough to own property it will be his to do whatever he wishes with it. The ex girlfriend is another story and she makes it very difficult by refusing access, despite court orders etc, we will just have to keep trying...........I think that the desision we have made is in the little boys best interests and I have swallowed my frustration and concentrated on his feelings and not my own..........I suppose it was never going to be easy!!!!!

[morbidstorm]

I'm so glad to hear that - when I first read your thread I couldn't get over the fact you were asking if people thought you should make a two year old boy homeless so you could start your own life. My answer would have been NO!!!

What a wonderful thing to do, putting the house in your step sons name, but before taking that approach I would want to be absolutely sure your husband is the childs biological father.

Both of you should hold your heads up high, knowing that you gave him such a fantastic start in life (and it probably helps that it will really annoy his ex!!). Save together and buy your own house, safe in the knowledge that you have hurt no-body along the way, and it hasn't come from the proceeds of a house the two of them shared.

New beginnings...... best of luck to you both.x