Shyness??

[petes_dragon]

hey everyone,

I'm probably just being a paranoid mum, but I really need some advice.....

My son is starting 'proper' nursery in 3 weeks time, he went to playgroup 2x per week up until july, but not in the hols and we had major problems with him settling in, tears when I leave etc and I'm worried this will start again at nursery. He'll know a few children from playgroup but it will be mostly new ones and new teachers.....(he'll be there 5 mornings a week from 9am til 11.30am)

He's not shy at all with people he knows and depending on his mood he'll chat to anyone and is very articulate for his age, but I'm really worried he won't make friends as he tends to stand back when there are new children or people he doesn't know.

I've talked about it with him and he seems to be looking forward to it, but I don't want to make a big thing of it in case I put him off!!

any advice would really be appreciated

A xXx

[B00]

Awwww bless you PD!!!

i remember when my eldest started nursery...all those years ago! It was always the little boys who were clinging to their mums wailing whilst the little girls including mine were off without hardly a backward glance to their mums!

Anyways, I digress slightly.....

Your little boy will be fine, nursery staff are used to the several 'clinging on to mummy' types that will be arriving. Even if he does seem upset, I'm willing to bet that within minutes of you leaving him there he'll be settling in lovely.

Don't panic :-)

[xanderma]

Many children behave exactly as you've described - all 3 of mine did!

As BOO says, the nursery staff will be well used to helping children like yours. My best advice is leave him with a member of staff each morning, no matter how hard he cries - this seems harsh, and as a mum it is soooo hard to do, but it really is the best for the child. More often than not, they have stopped crying by the time you're across the playground! If your nursery is worth its salt, they will always call you if the crying doesn't stop.

At my children's nursery, the staff were very aware of children who tended to stand back a little, and made sure that they worked and played with a variety of other children to encourage bonds and friendships to be made. It's likely that yours will do the same.

I always found it useful to have an idea of the routines the nursery followed, so that is my child was upset, I could say things like 'ooh, can you paint me a lovely picture of a tree today' or 'guess what, you'll be using the computers today', you get the picture.

Talk to the staff - you're definitely not the only one feeling like this at this time of year!!

Good luck, and I hope your little one has a great time.

[yinyang]

I went through this with 1 of my girls when they started playgroup, when she started nursery and we're going through it again now she's started school.
Like your wee boy , my girl is very confident and chatty once she gets to know people but is very shy about making friends - very like me in fact!
It may well start again and you'll probably feel heartbroken ( I do ) but it probably won't last very long.
With my two I've always let them know that it's ok to feel a bit scared starting somewhere new but just kept playing up what great fun they were going to have and that 'Liz' and 'Sue' from playgoup were going to be there.When you do say goodbye try to not get upset, at least until you get outside. This morning I was quite matter of fact with my girl,didn't make a big fuss, just goodbye kiss, have a good day and sent her on her way. I've also told her that it's alright just to go up to people in her class and ask if she can play with them.
Hope this helps. He will be fine - in a few months he'll probably be getting invited to so many birthday parties that you'll wander what you used to do with your weekends.

p.s. sorry for the long answer. I think I was letting off some steam.

[kate1976]

As the others have rightly said he'll be fine, my son was a nightmare for being clingy and had me in tears too as I felt so guilty but the staff were fine, said it happened quite a bit and he'd settle so off I went home with tears in my eyes and as I got home the phone rang, I was all ready to run back and collect him but she was just phoning to say that he was running round, laughing and playing and I shouldn't worry!

So stop panicking and remember that while you're worrying he'll be running round having fun!! Kids, who'd have 'em?!

Good luck

[kittenlittle]

Hi there, I am a nursery teacher, and bracing myself for the inevitable tears and tantrums which face me tomorrow, after 6 glorious weeks holiday! (Not just my tears...)

I agree with the other posters, some very sensible advice, and can confirm, we would always ring a parent if the child did not stop crying.

Some other pieces of advice: agree a routine with your child before you leave home, and DO NOT negotiate once you are at the nursery, eg, We'll do one puzzle together and then I'll go to work...
Your child will settle better if he knows when the separation will occur. Resist the urge to stay if he says, just 5 more minutes.... those extra 5 minutes will not help him, and he will be controlling you. If he's going to cry, he will cry after 5 or 15 minutes regardless.

Don't stand chatting to other parents in the setting, not only will your child get increasingly anxious, not knowing when the separation will occur, he will also find it harder to get involved with other children/ activities.

Get down on his level and show an interest in the acivities on offer, if you don't seem enthusiastic, neither will he be! The staff usually have a learning goal in mind, so it doesn't help him if you DO the activity for him, yes he has a beautiful end product, but it is the process that counts.

Don't worry if he doesn't seem to be socialising while you are there, MOST children act completely different while their parents are there!! Also, we are paid to carefully monitor and support the children. Even if he wasn't socialising much, at this stage it wouldn't be considered abnormal, the staff would just focus on providing opportunites for him to share his interests with his peers.

Good luck, he will be great!!