Dating sites

[Krysteena]

Why are there so many "players" dspite their profiles saying they are genuine. I have become so disappointed with human nature

[Eve]

These sites will always attract that kind of person hon, it can be easy pickings for them.

I've been on some and have got quite a good intuition as to which are genuine and which are not.

I think the key is to take things slowly, chat for a while before you meet. I tend to chat to them on msn for a while and the ones who are not genuine tend to reveal themselves after a while.

I also don't tend to leave it too long before I meet them as often the "relationship" you build up by virual means is not the same as when you meet in real life. I never assume I know anyone when I meet them, however much I've chatted online, and keep and open mind.
Just get a nice balance between chatting and meeting, listen to your intuition, your head rather than your feelings and err on the side of caution.

Always always meet in a public place and let someone know where you will be and with whom. If you're not sure about someone then don't meet them. If you don't feel right then walk away. You could always get there early and have a quiet word with a member of staff to say you're on a blind date and could they keep and eye especialy if there's alcohol involved.

Dates such as lunch and coffee can be a better bet for an initial meet or a nice dinner rather than just meeting for drinks in the evening. It will tend to put some of the players off. Also alcohol brings in the added risks of spiking and such and taking away your inhibitions.

There are ways of suggesting this such as that it's easier to talk and get to know each other somewhere quieter over lunch of coffee than in a noisy crowded bar where you can't hear each other speak.

Don't be tempted to go back to their place, never on the first meeting and never too soon after.

Good luck xxx

[Krysteena]

Thanks Jenna, for taking the time and offer that good advice. x

[teag1rl]

Excellent advice from Jenna Krysteena. I'll just add 'don't give up'. They aren't all nasty boys, I recently met the most adorable boy on dating site and he only lives down the road. So far he is definitely changing my opinion that all men were scum!

[Spartacus84]

Thanks for that teag1rl. We really aint all scum I can assure you. Just quite a few of us (yours truely excluded).

On a more serious note...I guess its easy for a guy to attract someones attention just by out and out lying about their personallity. If he can just write a few things like....he's sensitive and likes to watch The Bodyguard (ok maybe not) then maybe more girls will be more interested than if he writes that he likes to put it about.

Mind you I could be completely wrong on this as I'm still trying to work out exactly what girls do and don't like. You can be pretty awkward sometimes.

[Krysteena]

Spartacus - why would u say more girls would be more interested in the fact that men said they (women sic) like to put it about - in ur dreams, most girls would not. I think I am old enough and wise enough to have full confidence in the statement - u are wrong. Spartacus, hey, wasnt he involved with lions when he wasnt driving a chariot. Aren't lions animals that think they are King of the Jungle - predators even. Just like a lot of these guys on dating line sites...................................................

[Spartacus84]

You misread my post I'm afraid.

What I was suggesting is that girls might find it more attractive if a guy said he WAS sensitive and that he might lie about it.

And no I'm not into the whole king of the jungle mumbo jumbo. Load of tosh if you ask me.

Try again.

[Krysteena]

spartacus - I am re-read your post and I was distracted at the first time and I do apologise and I am not suggesting u are of that calibre but believe me there are a lot of people, men and women, on these sites who have hidden agendas. Again I apologise. Krystenna

[Spartacus84]

no need to apologise.

We all make mistakes....even Spartacus made the odd mistake didn't he??

I work with a guy thats pretty obsessed with the adult type dating sites (I know you weren't talking about them) and always goes to 'meet' random girls. He's exactly the type of guy you're talking about and the guy just cracks me up.

Hope it goes well for ya....just keep your eyes out. And if you come across any guys from manchester don't instantly think .....Oasis or "thief". We're ok really.

[Krysteena]

and us girls arent that bad from Merseyside neither. I am sort of resigned now, I would rather be alone that meet a player, pretender. I had enough of those in my life, perhaps I was always too trusting............but thanks for your advice anyhow . I still dont know though what men what, maybe spartacus you could enlighten us all. Only a week ago a female colleague in work said, kryss, you are single, have a professional, intelligent and attractive and have everything going for u. I wanted to say hey (her name) u are wrong, nobody seems to want to know unless they can take u to b.. the first night??? Answer me this please. Krysteena

[Spartacus84]

You sound like a female version of me. (talking about the being young single n professional...just to clarify)

You're obviously meeting the wrong kind of guys. I'd personally never go back the first night as I think it gives the wrong impression and to be honest.... you have to question the girl who expects to be taken back the first night. Well, thats my opinion.

you can't generalise lads in the same bracket. Ok there's loads...in fact a majority of guys who are after one thing.

Don't get me wrong I'm sure a lot of us have been in the same position on a night out in town or after a few drinks but thats only fun. I'd agree with jenna in that anything slightly more serious should be taken slowly.

[Krysteena]

I agree with what u said, but the difference is I am single, professional but not so young. I can honestly say in all my life I have never had a first date and kissed them even. Something my grandma told me. And no I am not 89, 45 years younger than that but I am still looking for an old fashioned love thing. Maybe i will never get it spartacus, but, as I said, in earlier, correspondences, I would rather be alone than have falsehoods . take care. krysteena

[BagPussAA]

Dating sites are not all bad. You do have to weed out the people that are just players tho. I met my husband on one of those sites and I would not be without him. We did not meet up in person for about 8 months tho.. Just emails and phone calls and it gave me a better feel for him. If the person you are talking to is not prepared to wait or is pushing for a meet, they are not worth the hassle.

[MrBen5]

Hmmm, a lot of bitter women on here. just cos they get bagged off by a guy, they label all men as scum. In reality, you women should be looking at yourselfs and wondering why you get treated like that, time after time. Maybe you attract the wrong sort of guy or give him the impression that he can treat you like that.
Back to your question Krysteena, not all guys on them dating sites are bad. I think , like anywhere in life, you get some weirdo's and people who like to treat women badly. Stick at it and dont think everyone is like that. As you say, your wise and mature so dont give up. If you want someone special, you have to be special yourself...

[888sally888]

Krysteena - couldnt you get together with Sparticus!!?? You sound good together!!

[Krysteena]

sally, sounds a good idea. But I have a sneaking suspicion that he is considerably younger than me or is also committed! Thanks for the suggestion anyhow...In the meantime......my search continues............