Perspectives Please

[nona suomy]

I recently met a guy who is separating from his wife (actually moving out this week). Initially he was great, reassuring, loving and eager to make plans with me. Over the last couple of weeks, he has backed off a bit and while he isn't being horrible or blanking me.... he's not making as much effort either. I understand things are difficult and we've discussed how it won't be easy until after the move is complete and his kids are settled but I don't know if I'm being too patient and understanding or an absolute mug! I aksed him outright if he wanted to end it but he said No and again dais it was just all the hassle of moving that was taking up his time (then again most men wouldn't take the opportunity when put on the spot) Any thoughts as it's driving me mad. I've been dating for a year now and the amount of nobs out there is unreal. Have I picked another one?

[Roughquest]

I have one of those in tow at the moment, promising me the earth, we both own our own house, (he has been to my place and stayed a couple of times) but he wont give me his address of his house therefore I dont know if he is giving me the full picture here....and each time i ask he evades the question. He wants to marry me next year have children the works, and I love him and he tells me all the time he loves me, so why am i doubting him constantly? Not the best basis for a marriage if you ask me, but why do men get all cagey and 'private' about themselves without notice or any hint of what is wrong?? It is driving me absolutely nuts....you have my sympathy. I dont have any answers on this one either. The only thing i can agree on is that there are indeed an awful lot of frogs out there to kiss before you find a rare prince.

[WendyS]

Anybody moving out of their home and leaving their children is bound to have a great deal of emotional baggage to deal with on top of the practicalities of moving home. Give him some space to sort himself out back off completely and tell him you'll leave it to him to make contact when he's ready. If he hasn't got in touch by Christmas, I'd wipe the slate clean and move on.

[Eve]

He's probably finding it really hard esp if there are kids involved and there may be a large amount of guilt involved in him leaving esp if the kids haven't taken it well.

Give him some space in a nice way so it doesn't add to what he's going through at the moment but put a limit on it so you know where you stand.

When you get back on track maybe suggest going away together.

[Eve]

RQ hon (sorry for hijacking nona), he won't tell you his address?

I'd look into him a bit closer on the quiet if i were you, just in case. May put your mind at rest but if it doesn't then that may be a good thing long term too.

If you want any help msn me xxx

[nona suomy]

Thanks folks for your replies... that's the kind of answers my friends have given me but it's hard to know what to do. I think I feel like it's gone pear shaped because he was soooo keen from the start. He has shared a lot of stuff with me that I don't think a man would if he were a 'player' but I'm probably waiting for it to end like all the previous ones.

[jno]

agree with Wendy - he will be in emotional turmoil for some time yet, so don't push him into anything anytime soon, he just won't be ready for it. That doesn't mean he won't improve once he's had some time to breathe, but you'll probably have to wait to see just how much better things get. If you don';t want to wait you don't have to.

Agree with jenna too... he won't tell you his address, Roughquest?? That's a terrible sign.