Im fried

[Roughquest]

Nearly 3 months ago, met a guy younger than I (15 years younger than me), works away n the week but lives locally to me, sometimes comes home at weekends, (he isnt married) reckons he has a high powered job, he refused to tell me his age as he was worried it would put me off him which it didnt, anyhoo, has kept in touch text phone etc, telling me he loves me and all that, as time went by, asked my salary, which I thought odd, wanted to move in with me, told me he owned a house, which I suggested we both sell our houses and look for somewhere together, he agreed, he wanted to put the money into some investments for both of us, made it clear he wanted to marry me next year. Also asked about setting up a joint bank account together, I thought he was kidding at first but he kept assuring me he was totally committed, and I started to relax to the idea and was feeling overjoyed about our future together. Now, last weekend he went away on business, drinking binge etc, not much contact from him other than a text telling me how many more hours drinking he has left ??? When he arrived at his destination friday he text me saying he loved and missed me loads, anway i got to thinking that he had never told me his address of his own house, after asking many times, he never replied, and now since sunday no contact from him whatsoever no matter how much I have asked him what's wrong. Is he a conman do you think? Have I been made a complete fool of here? Meanwhile I am in love with him and really need to see him so we can talk. But he continues to ignore me. (I have tried my best to stop thinking bad things about him as any of my friends who met him thought he was just lovely!)

[boro1986]

I would be very very worried all moving a bit to fast and what do you know about him by the sounds of it nothinh!!!! Me i would sit them down and tell them your worries. My gut instinct is that he is trying to rip you off, why wanna know your salary/ joint bank account. Whats wrong with living together for a bit. Be carefull please

[vehelpfulguy]

Very shady and elusive character.

Sounds the classic con artist to me, or he has another life somewhere else (maybe another partner during the week and he tells them he is working away at the weekend when he is with you)

Works away during the week (and weekends) but you have no idea where.

Has a house but you do not know where it is.

Wants to set up a joint account, which YOU will put money in but he probably wont. Then he will withdraw it.

Suggests some investments, but again no doubt YOUR money will be used and not his (or he will take your money and keep it but TELL you he has invested it)

DONT SELL YOUR HOUSE, DONT GIVE HIM ANY MONEY, DONT SET UP A JOINT ACCOUNT, KEEP AN EYE ON YOUR CREDIT CARDS AND BANK DETAILS.

All in all, dont trust him.

[Roughquest]

I do know what company he alledgedly works for, he has told me his family history, I have met some of his friends and brothers, but he just wont tell me his address, could it be he is embarrased by saying he had a house when infact he still lives with mummy and daddy? He wanted to move in with me, he never mentioned selling my house I did and he just thought it was a good idea. I am at a complete loss here and need some closure, all this has really messed with my head lately.

[vehelpfulguy]

Just some example of what can happen

http://www.stockportexpress.co.uk/news/s/219/2 19391_conman_tricked_elderly_out_of_savings.ht ml

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/text/article. html?in_article_id=397441&in_page_id=1770&in_m ain_section=Home&in_sub_section=&in_chn_id=33

[originalspa]

I wouldn't trust him as far as I can throw him!

Sounds like a classic con man to me!

You need to talk to him face to face and find out what's going on and to express your worries and fears you already have and don't be sweet talked into anything!

As previously stated, do not do anything until you know his background. Do you know how much he earns? Don't disclose any personal information regarding banking!

There's alot you don't know about him so alarm bells should be ringing in your head as he sounds very shady!!!

[redcrx]

have you tried finding his address on b4usearch?

Perhaps he isnt a conman but Id be very wary about how much you put into this relationship when he doesnt seem to be giving anything other than words.

[liquidspace]

I would play it cool, wait for him to contact you. If the relationship continues, do not let him have any money then see what his reaction is to you.

I made this mistake with a man and lost about �50,000 to him.

[ummmm]

3 Months RQ?

A bloke would be lucky if I was sleeping with him in that amount of time (cept you boro)

Way to much said way to soon......Take a step back if I was you

[redcrx]

ummmm 3 months isnt the problem in this, I was pregnant with my son within 3 months and all was and is very happy and above board.

I think RQ needs to be more concerned about the lack of real info from this guy.

[Katiebee]

Do you actually ring him? Does he answer when you call, or just ignore your call? If the latter, try witholding your number, or calling from a different number so that he doesn't know it's you, and see if he answers then. Just say your battery is flat and you're using somebody else's phone, if he asks why it's a different number. It might be one way of actually getting to speak to him.

It all does sound rather dodgy.

[sam100]

Sounds a bit iffy to me too!!!

Is there any way you could perhaps get anything out of his friends??? ie, type of house he owns, where his parents live etc??

To me it would sound like on of the following A)he's married or living with somone B)he's living with parents C)conman

he's sure as hell hiding something!!! To be honest i would be worried about letting him in my house as it sounds as if he's the sort to go riffling through your bins to find your bank details!!!

Also could you not follow him home? do you know what area of town he lives in as powers of deduction could lead you to where he lives...do you know what he earns??If its a low salary you can bet your bottom dollar he's probably lying about owning his own house if he's quite young?

[sam100]

and also...you said your friends think he's lovely but a lot of these people can be very clever...if he's got your friends on side he doesnt have to worry about them warning you off him!!!!???

[mandimoo]

i was one of the people who told you to ease up on him and give him a chance, but easy girl, youre starting to scare me now. be careful, something is amiss. he seems full of words, but not much else. keep posting, big hug. xx

[Roughquest]

We have had a meal out together and things and anything we have bought while out he has always paid. Something happened over the weekend which he wont talk to me about, I have looked everywhere for an address but he told me he was adopted you see. On MOnday evening he rang me from his work mobile, but as I was driving I could not answer the call - no message was left and he has not called back since, I have sent several texts now and now reply although I am getting delivery reports from the texts. I hope he is alright as if anything has happened to him I would not know anything (i.e i fhe has had a serious accident) tomorrow evening i have a function to attend and he knows one of the people who will be there as he mentioned a name so I am going to have a chat with this person tomorrow night, if they exist! I could have opened a joint bank account but i would not have been so daft as to have my own salary placed in there, it would have been a test to see if his salary had gone in like he promised. THank you to all who have replied so far, it is much help.

[Roughquest]

Well, well, well, he has phoned me! Apologising profusely, saying he has been so busy.....phew! He is going to get home at the weekend so he can see me.

[jno]

I'd still like to know a great deal more about him if I were you RQ. The idea of a joint bank account with someone who won't tell you his address sounds so wrong wrong wrong. No harm in having a meal with him, but just keep your purse to yourself.

[CT]

Seriously, this guy sounds like a weirdo. If you've been together 3 months and have no clue about his life then take care. HE could just be really shy, but you don't know.
PS please don't let him off the hook just cos he called you tonight. I, personally wouldn't set up a joint bank account with someone i'd only known for 3 months. Some of my friends havent even done that after being together for over three years.
Please take care of yourself and your finances.

[herons]

Hi sorry to say but you have got to say bi bi like i'm having to do i woz just told that he'd been fighting his feelings for nearly 12 mths and doesn't love me anymore after 11 years.Other family probs haven't helped but i'm the one thats suffering.I'm determined not to lose my home.Have you actually bought anywhere together yet because DONT.

[noxlumos]

Hi RQ, sorry you've had such a worrying time. Things may be in order or they may not be, but you need to know and get sensible hard facts, so trace him. B4usearch is down at the moment but tracesmart is still online and you only need his name and town to check his address out on the electoral roll, so that should be easy. You could always go the way of agreeing to open a joint account with him, go to the bank, wait for him to whip his ID out at the interview and then say "oh ****** I've forgotten my drivers licence". DON'T open the account. He's got no chance of opening an account without photo ID, so that's another method of finding his addy if he doesn't show up on the electoral roll.
Call his company and ask to speak to him, if he answers hang up, if they are clueless about him, you have a problem. If he's not there, gain as much info about him as poss from whoever answers the phone.
I don't think you necessarily have a problem, but I do thnk you need to be very careful. I'm not big on snooping on partners but I think you have sufficient cause to need to know a few things about him before you get in any deeper.
There are some other things you could do, but I'd stick to these for now and depending on how you get on and what you find out, you can take it from there.

[mandimoo]

i would be very tempted to do what nox has said above, BUT, if you have to go to these lengths something is not right dont you think? its not good for your health to be so up and down. there will always be another doubt around the corner. i went through similar for 3 years, hanging on in the hope. i lost 2 stone (best thing about it!) through stress and still somehow managed to convince myself it was love.