Strangled my ex?

[hoopsgalore]

Hi

3 months ago my fiance called it off after 3 years and we've been living together until she found a new place.

However a couple of weeks ago we were arguing (again) as she had looked like she found a new place and I got wound up and put my hands around her throat for a split second - an act I instantly regretted. But on Monday she was packing her stuff up ready for moving out Weds/Thursday and we ended up in a big argument again and accused me of being a stalker as I had sent 5 text messages to her during the day again I was getting wound up and lunged at her again with my hands around her throat (this time lasting a few seconds more than previously).

As you can imagine this again I deeply regretted and it has caused her to rush moving out on Tuesday just gone.

My main question is is there anything I should be worried about with my actions - can they just be put down to stress of her moving out or should I seek help? If so how? what? etc

Thanks

From a very regretful and lonely person at the moment

[raysparx1]

If I had done that I would be worried, I think you do need to do some thinking, luckily you didn't hurt her,but you certainly gave her one hell of a fright, and if a woman had asked a question saying my B/F put his hands round my throat I would have said to her get out of there and tell him to get help, not normal is it, maybe you need to talk about managing your anger, good luck, Ray.

[dilf]

you realised there was a problem the first time and yet you not only failed to control your temper it got worse 2nd time. dont go down that road mate you'll end up being a ars ole and a bully.

there is a reason we cant bully the missus its cos we would never get to find out we were wrong

all the best

[lady_p_gold]

I think we have all almost been there at times, but both times you stopped, and that is what shows that you have the power to control your emotions at the most heated point. I think you were very upset and angry but at the end of the day you were in control. So I don't think you should be overly concerned, although it might be worth making sure you are aware that you have done this and make sure it never happens again.

[LazyGun]

This may sound a little harsh, but based upon your post I would say you had a problem with both impulse control and anger management. Lashing out once in temper, due to stress and/or extreme provocation could perhaps be understood... but you didnt lash out...you went for manual strangulation... and not once only, but twice.
Bombarding someone with texts and your lack of control in confrontational situations points to someone with selfish and obsessive tendencies.
It would certainly be worth your while seeing your GP with a view to getting some recommendations on counselling.

[curlyperm]

MOST people dont react like that when under stress!! (and lets face it - who isnt) so in answer to your question....YES I WOULD BE VERY WORRIED IF I WERE YOU!! but probably not as worried as your girlfriend is right now. I would leave her well alone and not contact her whilst you sort yourself out and pronto!

[ummmm]

I think that losing someone you love can make you do things out of character. The desperation of the moment!

Don't be too hard on yourself and don't do it again.

[curlyperm]

come on ummmm we are not talking a punch on the arm here!!!! the guys got a problem which - if he doesnt get help for could get a damn sight worse

[sam100]

Hi Hoopsgalore,

I think the best thing would be is to give your ex-some space, if you have a mutual friend or have a good relationship with one of her family members i would perhaps mention what has happened to them then i would get my butt down to a counsellor and sort it out sharpish and show your ex that your are not going round the bend and regret what happened...
If you don't head the advice from the above posts then you are a fool and i hope this is the first and last time that this occurs....
Good luck.

[curlyperm]

well done sam for seeing that this is much more that 15 minutes on the 'naughty step' i think he is aware he has a problem but just needed it POINTING OUT. So............. wer'e all pointing! do it now.

[leecamowol]

Thanks everyone for your answers as it's been pointed out I do realise I have a problem but I was calling out for help. I devoted the last 3 years of my life to her and unfortunately I am or became one of those smothering relationship type people .. i.e. everyone we have to do together, not allowing her to do her own thing, not really having my own friends to do my own thing. So what started off as a fantastic relationship turned sour and now I really want to do something to ... well if I ruined any future getting back together at least get our friendship back. Plus shes a trainee social worker so I don't thing she wants all this in her own life after spending her time sorting other peoples out!

One thing which makes the siutation even more regrettable is when she moved out on Tuesday evening in a rush she wrote her car off on the way to her new place and much of her belongings got ruined so shes not having the best of times now shes car-less.

However back to my situation is it my local GP I need to contact or is there someone else I can contact? Also I have to admit I (through my up bringing!!) am one of those "counselling, what a load of mumbo jumbo" types so what is actually involved as I really do want to sort myself out.

Thanks everyone, it nice to know that there are good people in the world. Even my ex has checked up on how I'm doing despite what I did.

Thanks.

[curlyperm]

not knocking counsellors but i think maybe you would be better off having a word with your gp first?
and maybe they could recommend someone that deals with particular problem? they cant ALL be experts on everything? i really really hope you get the help you need for your own sake and the sake of future relationships, you dont sound like a bad person.......... just confused, anyway good luck and let us know how it goes.
Merry Christmas and all the best for 2007 x

[curlyperm]

ps have you change your name permenantly now??

[hoopsgalore]

OOps! I must have been logged in as my friend. You know when it remembers user names and passwords in the login boxes ... I didn't look which one I selected! Oops!

Thanks very much for your help.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you too. xx

[raysparx1]

Wish you good luck hoops, I am also very wary of counselling but you have to do something about it, so have a chat with your GP as curlyperm says and see how it goes, I think the first thing I would do is to sit down and write to her and see if you can build a few bridges, good luck , and a happy christmas, well as happy as you can have in your situation, Ray

[Goodsoulette]

To be wholly honest here, reading your post made me feel sick. My ex used to do it to me a lot, it started off for a split second, then it got longer and longer the amount of time he would do it, sometimes making me pass out. If it had gone a couple of weeks without me getting beaten, or strangled I knew it was coming. The fact that you did it twice speaks volumes to me, she is a sensible girl and I commend her for not giving you a chance to do it again.

I would think that you need proper therapy, not just poncey counselling where they listen to you. You need to find new ways of acting out.