help me pls

[jakcat]

this is a long story. My daughter is in a bad relationship.the guy is treating my granddaughter badlly she is three and not his.
I have had my concerns for some time but held my tongue for her sake. when my husband got so concerned he said .
thats an end to it.
he confronted the guy at a xmas party and warned hin off.
now my daughter has accused my husband of being a child molester. not only to my granddaughter but also to her. She has known this man as her dad for 14 years and adored him.
she has been totally twisted by this evil guy she is with. All the family are with my husband .
we have fostered many children over the years and all have loved living here. this new man has put things in her head and weirded out my granddaughter. I just want them back but dont know how to go about it.. This trauma has been going on for a while, before any such charges were brought. No legal charges have been made. But it is up to the PF eventually. There is no evidence and he has a clean record and i trust him with my life.

[asherlovbfmv]

tell him dont if he reacts tell him to go away

[anderlee]

Sorry to hear about your situation. It does sound as though she has been manipulated by this guy. Sometimes you see loved ones in a relationship and they are changing slowly before your eyes and there is nothin you can do.
It does seem to be a revenge act, that your daughter is accusing your husband and its a coincidence that she has said these things after he has warned off her boyfriend. I believe any decent,well balaced mother would know if her child was being molested by father/stepdad, so stick to your guns but leave your daughter to work it out for herself. The more you interfere, she will push you away-that is the 'hold' this guy has got on her.
If she is a sensible girl,she will soon realise what a s**t he is and get rid. Keep on an eye on her and your grandaughter from a distance and let them know you love them. Good luck,keep us updated jakcat xxxx

[chicklin]

There's probably not a lot you can do if your daughter is determined to stick with this man. However if you are concerned for the safety of your granddaughter, that's a different kettle of fish. She's only three and unable to protect herself. Therefore if you genuinely feel she's in danger you must contact the social services. At least they'll be able to assess the situation and you won't be trying to deal with it alone.

[curlyperm]

Yes i agree with chicklin, you MUST contact the social services, if only so that if anything DOES (hope not) happen in the future then at least it has been logged from the start, dates and times, etc......... is there no-one in the family that she IS still talking to, that could maybe still be able to call round (casually) and make sure that the child is ok? Most of all you mustnt give up, i have a feeling you will need to be there for her when this realtionship of your daughters finally and hopefully comes to an end!
Good luck, and let us know how you get on x

[jakcat]

thanks all for your advice so far. heres more of the story so far.
My daughters biological dad is still in touch with her and does not beleive the accusations against my husband but he has agreed to stay neutral. He and his partner are keeping me informed as to the status of the kids. {there is my granddaughter aged 3 and my grandson of 17 months.
there is also a new baby, which is my daughters present partners.he is 3 months.
This whole situation has became worse since the new baby and the guy is treating my other two grand children badly. I also have concerns about my middle grandsons development as i think he is being repressed as well as the treatment my granddaughter has told me she receives. I didn't go to social services initially because I hoped we could fight this as a family without my daughter losing her kids. She was a great mum before she met him. It was only after my granddaughter said "Gwanny, he tokes me" and placed her hands around her throat that I got really scared and asked my husband to intervene.
Though this is not the first fall out we have had with him it was certainly the worst.
I stayed away from social services in case they think this is a revenge attack. When I do report it I want it to be taken seriously and not as a counter attack. So now I'm kinda stuck as to do it sooner or later.
Meanwhile we have heard nothing further from the police and hopefully wont but I am missing my girl and the kids so bad I could die. I can't see a way back for us all.