Bringing myself down... Plz help!!

[YellowMe]

Hi all

I'm having some trouble because I'm in a relationship with a great guy but I keep getting really emotional about stupid things. It's putting strain on the relationship and although he says he will stand by me no matter what & he wants to get married and have kids, I feel terrible for doing it to him and I'm terrified I'm going to drive him away.

It is mainly jealousy about one of his exes who he split with 2 years ago almost. He was with her for about 3 years & said it didn't work because they were more like best friends. Still he talks about her loads and had loads of photos of them together. He deleted the photos of her from his computer (some of which were really dirty) to help me feel better. This made me feel much more secure about him not wanting to get back with her but I still can't shake the feeling I'd never be as good as her and he'll always prefer her.

The silliest little things get stuck in my head and set me off feeling terrible. It's like I'm always competing with her in my head & all the stuff they've done together. For example going to visit his family in France. Apparently she is the only ex they've ever liked and I feel like all the stuff I'm going to be doing there will be compared to her. It should be new and special but instead he's already done it all with her and now he's doing it again with me & what if I'm not as good. The same goes for sex too because he's quite open about it and she was 7 years older than him and he said older women are more emotionally stable and know what they're doing. I'm exactly 10 years younger than him.

He's done so many amazing things and been with so many amazing people, I don't feel that I can ever be as good. It's really getting me down and ruining what we have.

Please could anyone give me some advise?

[Love-Lee]

YellowMe you must be amazing too otherwise he wouldn't be with you - right?

[4getmenot]

he's not that amazing if he talks about her and also about past sexual conquests.

[4getmenot]

so just tell him to stop netioning her and say its in the past, and make him give you a chance.

[wigglebum]

Well basically the comparing thing will always be there no matter what, it up to you whether you can live with it or not. In my experience it took time for me to get over the exes but I did it. I now know that I'm the one Mr Wigglebum wants to be with and so the others just don't compare to me!

It will take time, just make sure you're strong enough to deal with it and it will get better, promise xx

[Amber1571]

YellowMe, everyone has a past, if you split up with him, and meet someone else, he will have a past which will include past relationships, etc. Do you have a past? I bet you do. You cannot live in the past. Remember, "an ex is an ex for a reason." You cannot change the past; but you can plan the future. If you spend too much time worrying and thinking about the past, you will miss all the wonderful things that are happening NOW. There is nothing wrong with telling him you would rather not have him talk about her, particularly in your presence. Men can be insensitive! Photos are photos (its good that he has deleated the rude ones), there is nothing wrong with having memories, we all have them, but remember, if he didn't want to be with you, he wouldn't be. The past is gone, so start planning for today and the future.

x

[YellowMe]

Thank you all so much for your answers. You've been a huge help!! xx