How can I get him to quit?

[bobbikay]

My boyfriend smokes pot, and I'm getting really sick of it. I wouldn't mind so much if it was maybe once a week or something, but he does it EVERY DAY! I'm pregnant with his child and I really don't want him getting high all the time, especially after the baby's born. He's been smoking pot for a few years already, so I understand that it won't be the easiest thing for him to quit. But I have completely given up drinking and smoking cigarettes, and I feel the least he could do is give up weed. I don't like breathing it in, I hate the smell, and when he's stoned, he's hard to talk to and he doesn't seem to care about anything. He keeps promising he'll quit soon, but he hasn't even begun to show an effort. One day, he said to me: "You're more important than weed. I don't need to get stoned today." He promised me he wasn't going to.(probably just to get me in bed) Then, later on, I caught him and his friend getting high in the bathroom while my boyfriend was supposedly "taking a shower". It made me so upset that he lied to me. I kind of lost my temper and said: "Do me a favor. Call all your family and friends and tell them you're not going to be a dad! I don't want you in my kid's life!" He got really upset and I felt bad so I apologized. I thought he was going to cry. But he's still getting high all the time! I thought that would've made him at least ATTEMPT to quit. I don't think he understands how much it bothers me. He's a great guy, and I think he'll be a great father. I want him in my kid's life, but what if he never quits? And I certainly don't want him getting our kid into that stuff. What can I do? I don't want to leave him but everyone's saying I should if he won't quit!

[Big A.T]

Listen to your friends and relatives.

1. It's still illegal, contrary to popular belief, and he could get arrested and taken to court if he has previous dealings with police. Furthermore police have a duty to report to child protection teams and social services if he is caught with it in their presence. Do you really want this?

2. It can affect your mental health radically.

3. He does not seem to have much self respect or respect for your feelings. Doesn't sound like the great guy you insist he is. The fact you have had to ask total strangers for their few says it all for me.

4. I've just read the line about "You're more important than weed........just to get me into bed probably." I think that says it all really

Sorry to be blunt and I hope that he kicks it but I think he will still be smoking it this time next year.

Good luck!

[jno]

gloomily, I have to agree with the other two posters. It's perfecly possible to give it up, but you have to want to. It doesn't sound as if he wants to. It's also possible that fatherhood will change him, but I'd say the odds were heavily against it, and I don't think he'll be any better as a father than he is as a boyfriend (he's not putting you first). I really don't see him changing; and if I were you I'd be thinking about alternatives, for the baby's sake as well as your own. Good luck with whatever you decide, it's not going to be an easy choice.

[redhead23]

i dont know why he smokes it near you when you are pregnant anyway , does he even work???

tell him he has to quit or you will go back to your parents , i assume your under 25 , he should be doing his upmost to support you , you dont need that second rate crap in your life

[bobbikay]

I know I probably should leave him, but I really don't want it to come to that. He just applied for a job, and he starts in a few days. He's a hard worker, so I think he can hold onto this job. Also, I don't live with him, I live with my mom. I'm just at his house a lot of the time. He seems to care a lot about this child, and I really do think he'll be a good father. I just don't think he considers his smoking drugs to be a bad thing. When he was younger, his dad said to him: "If you're going to smoke pot, that's okay. Just make sure you smoke some with me." I sure hope he's not going to be like that with our kid.

[LittleMissxx]

Should we try and change people ? How would we feel if they tried to change us? He said he will try and stop and hasnt so its unlikely he will. And should he put u first or put himself first, its his life too afterall. Its u that has to make the descision, it seems he's made his. Im in a simular situation. Ultimately im not happy so im the only one that can change or settle for what it is. Pro's n con's. Who knows ??