What does everyone think of this?? Am I being paranoid..?

[muchlovex]

My brother is getting married soon and his fiance is organising most of the wedding.

Well, to cut the long story short, this is what's happened...

I have done lots for my brother and his fiance, I've kept them informed about our mother's progress with Cancer when they weren't speaking and I managed to get them to speak again. They weren't in contact with my sister also, saying 'she should ring us etc'...
The other day my brother's fiance rang my sister, arranged for a time to meet and asked her to be her bridesmaid.!!!
I am so hurt by this..after all I have done for them both. I wouldn't be a bridesmaid anyway, but it's the fact that they didn't even ask me.

Would anyone else be unhappy about this? or am i just being paranoid?

[CheekyChops]

I wouldn't be very happy either. As you say, even though you don't actually want to be one, it would have been nice to have been asked.

Maybe your brother and his fiance were aware that you didn't want to be a bridesmaid and so didn't ask you for that reason?

Maybe have a quiet word with your brother and ask why you weren't asked.

[muchlovex]

Hello Cheeky Chops. They didn't know that I wasn't keen on being a brides maid. I am wondering whether I should wait until nearer the day and mention it then. As I don't want to raise this as an issue and they ask me for me to turn around and decline.

I don't want to cause any trouble/upset in our family but I can say that i am hurt by this. They should have asked both my sister and I together or not at all.

My sister said she feels uncomfortable about the situation as she said she thinks this is bad too. I told her i won;t bear any grudges against her if she wants to be their bridesmaid.

[joko]

could it be that they consider it obvious? that they didn't need to actually formally ask you as you were still in touch and they may have assumed you knew?

my sis would not need to ask me, i would know it was a given.

how long ago was she asked? if it is only a day or two, just wait, they may ask you next time they see you - they have to arrange to see your sis but not you

[muchlovex]

hi joko,
No they would have definately asked me if they were going to invite. My bro's fiance was talking about it to my partner last week saying she had already chosen the dresses etc.
I just think it's terrible..but like i said i am not going to create a fuss in the family as my mum is very ill. I was just looking for ABer's opionions.
Thank you

[reinganum]

Families...who'd have them, eh?
I'm rather with Joko on this one; it sounds to me that you and your sister have very different personalities (my wife and my sister-in-law are like the proverbial chalk and cheese) and you have probably been putting out unconscious don't-want-to-be-a-bridesmaid signals for some time.

However, given the situation in your family at the moment and assuming an invitation to be a bridesmaid isn't forthcoming, it's probably best to keep silent about it, even though that might be a bit hard at the moment. Somebody might well say something about it, but it is by far the best if that person isn't you.

[Dagman]

Just ask them, life's too short. you'll always wonder why. What's to be afraid of? they'll not bite you will they? I had a close friend get married, I wasn't even asked to the evening reception never mind the service. I was gutted. I left it too late, the following week I asked why, his brother was supposed to give me the invite (which he did have) but forgot. If only I'd asked sooner! You've only got to say to them you'd like to play a part as you're fond of them both.
best wishes.