What to do?

[Squish]

My fiancee said he's worried he will end up leaving me because I can't have an orgasm with him. I can on my own and I have a couple of times in the past with other men (really struggled though) but at the moment I can't with him. He's not really doing anything wrong but I just can't get there and he said it's really getting him down. He's worried I will look elsewhere which I keep telling him I wont and he said it feels like it's shattering his manhood. I keep telling him he's great, which he is but I'm scared that if I can't have an orgasm soon he will leave and he will know if I fake it. It's making him always depressed and moody. What should I do?

[4getmenot]

go see a therapist. Obviously if you say he's great and he's doing it all ok and you can get there on your own might be something more psychological.

[4getmenot]

Or Just fake it :-)

[Kaylz1988]

Yeah I agree wiv 4getme. Go see a sex therapist. Or fake it!! I do that sumtyms when my man is trying really hard to make me climax but I just cant! Makes him feel good

[4getmenot]

I never have actually, faked it that is. But we were round a mates house one night playing a board game where you describe a word on the card and you have to guess what it is. We were all sat in couples and my mate began with this is what you do when you don�t orgasm and me and my mate both shouted Fake it. Our poor blokes faces. The answer was anti-climax, which I didn�t quite get why that description was given.

[fluff-mcguff]

take ur time!!! around 20% of women cant orgasm with someone else. start slowly with a massge or a bath together. fi u r talkin about orgasming thriugh intercourse only then sorry but it may never happen. only 10% of women can orgasm through intercourse alone but oral is the main bringer (excuse the terminology) it may also b the stress of thinking it has to comes everytime n when you want it to. relax is the best possible advice n dont expect jus let go enjoy urself. even if it takes a while let ur partener no that it is normal to not experience it all the time but that u enjoy urself wen ur with him with of without an orgasm

[Cockney_si]

Tell him to grow up or you'll dump him for someone that can.

Seriously though, what does he want an ego boost or something? If he's putting this much pressure on you then how can you possibly relax and enjoy yourself.

You need to go right back to what makes you feel special when you're with him and work on it. He should understand if he's man enough he needs to take time to learn how your body responds to everything.

Good luck and hope he doesn't just roll over and fall asleep afterwards ;o)

[~Wingnut~]

Gotta say I agree with Cockney si, why is he worried that HE will leave YOU because you can't have an orgasm? Surely he should be worried that YOU will leave HIM! Why did he ask you to marry him, if he thinks he may leave you if you don't have an orgasm?
The worry of him possibly leaving you isn't going to help and you need to tell him to stop pressuring you so much and if it depresses him that much and makes him moody then I think he is the one that needs to see a therapist.

[ummmm]

I'm gobsmacked.

Absolutely gobsmacked.

I'm sorry, but he sounds like a complete pr!ck.

Maybe he should try a bit harder!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lady_p_gold]

Well that does sound a rather immature attitude, but it is obviously causing a strain in your relationship. If you can do it on your own then there is nothing physically wrong, he is just not doing the right thing. Women are more difficult because it has to be done just right .... so my suggestion is for you to try doing it doggy style on your sides for a while, while he is inside you you can pleasure yourself at the same time, therefore you will be able to orgasm but it is still extra nice with him inside you and it is a shared experience. Once you are used to this way it might take all the pressure off and you can experiment with him doing other things, and if you can't climax with straight forward intercourse it is nothing unusual.

[garry745]

OK, my view is that it's a mind thing. Yes, women do generally find it more difficult than men to orgasm, but with all the pressure you're being made to feel about the issue is just complicating the matter.

I think you should try communicating a bit more with each other. You've reached orgasm by yourself, so you know what it is that gets you there, He needs to know this and start applying similar techniques. What he has to learn as well is to make love to your mind before even thinking about your body. Get you relaxed about things in so much if it happens then great and if not, then it's no big deal. Needs to make you feel desirable and the most special person on this earth. Have you feel that the intimacy you share is the greatest pleasure going. Get it all right and everything will fall into place.

Key thing though, is that he may become successful by doing this, but has to be aware that it may not work every single time. If it doesn't happen, then there's nothing wrong with either of you, and is just one of those things.