should i end it with my boyfriend or do i need anger managent

[joro]

i have been with him for 3 years we have lived together for 1 and half years and have a ten month old son.
we have not been getting on for a long time. he thinks that the parental responsibilities are all mine. getting up through the night feeding,bathing etc etc. all he does is make our son laugh, he goes out when he wants to football or his friends and leaves me at home i never go anywhere other than work or the shop. he spends more money than he gives. we argue all the time i do all the cleaning all he does is hoover one rug in the livingroom i have started to loose my temper big time i cant control it i scream shout cry and throw things, he just doesnt listen to me he winds me up so much i feel like i do everything and he does nothing apart from sit on his arse and play on the playstation i have tried talking to him calmly, writing to him and shouting nothing works! he thinks i need anger management i think i just need him to leave!!

[joro]

oh yeah i am 22

[redhead23]

your too young for a kid anyway and i think screaming nad shouting and throwing things is not good fro your kid , mabye you should consider anger managment , its too much responsibility for one somone of your age .

and is so not fair on the kid!!

[joro]

hhhmmmm interesting.
firstly i am not too young for "a kid" i have worked everyday since i was 15 i own my own car and house not sure what planet you are on but 22 is a respectable age to bring up my son. 23 in august i might add!! he is 25, 26 in october

it is true that shouting is not the best way to resolve things but like i said i really really can not help it i just feel the anger boiling up inside. we never ever argue in front our our son and they day that ever happened would be the day i would have to leave.

maybe i should get some help but i cant help but think that if he wasnt so selfish and didnt do the things he did then i wouldnt get so mad!

[joro]

i have spoke with his mum about things in the past but nothing has worked. all i ask for is support round the house and with our son.
i feel like he takes me for granted maybe its relationship councelling we need?

[~Wingnut~]

Your a mother trying to cope with a 10 month old child, as well as hold down a job and keep a house basically all on your own. While he comes and goes as he pleases, spends money and makes you feel like you are in the wrong by telling you that you need anger management. No wonder your so damn angry! I'd have smashed his playstation up by now!
I completely understand how you feel. Don't listen to him telling you that you need anger managment, point is you wouldn't be feeling like this if you had the help, from what you have put he isn't prepared to do anything and expects you to do everything. Why? Does he think that babies look after themselves? That clothes clean themselves?
I think if you have tried to talk to him in many different ways (as you state above) he isn't prepared to change, so you need to think long and hard about what the future holds for the both of you. Maybe getting him to move out may shock him into realising that you won't stand for his cr@p any longer.
Good luck xx

[wigglebum]

Um I think this stems from you fella is not mature enough to deal with the responsilities of your child or a home.

You seem very level headed and mature and could do with a break.
Recently my friend has split up with her fella of 10 years because well, he was pretty much a loser and never helped with little one despite pushing her to have a kid. He also sat round on the playstation and just wanted to look like a good daddy when guests where round but as soon as they'd go he'd hand baby over again.

I'm not saying you should leave him but perhaps you should take a break from each other and perhaps he would then realise what he's got and how special you are.

xx

[jno]

sounds like you are trying to raise two children here, one of them in his 20s. A lot of lads around like this - not about to grow up until they're 40, if then. There's no easy answer, it will depend on you and him - but above all on you, as he doesn't seem to be much help. I second triggerhippy's list of things you should be considering. Splitting up when you have a child is a big step; make sure you have some sort of support available to you.

[Mammar]

Joro -
I think Triggerhappy has given some excellent advice
You class the situation you are in as a "relationship"
I see it as a single Mum with a lodger in the house.
It's never easy to seriously consider breaking up a home but your quality of life seems to be seriously threatened.
If you are prone to losing your temper when you discuss these things with him it is the same as handing him control of the situation. You have to keep control while you tell him how you feel or he won't take your words seriously.
I feel bad for you.
Think through the check list Trigger gave you and see what is best for you.
And we're always here to listen.
All the best, my dear x x

[Trinny]

Hi joro, you seem to be blaming yourself, Why would you need anger management? Everyone gets angry, and I would think its tiredness and fustration you are feeling more than anything else.

You have tried talking to him, and it must seem pretty obvious to him, that you are tired as well. You could try counselling if he doesnt listen to you, a third party may be helpful.

You are doing a great job, so give yourself a pat on the back. I hope things work out for you. And dont blame yourself xx

[redhead23]

please state that that is just my opinion that you are too young for a kid , i know its not as bad as being 16 , but obviously u seem to be struggling , that is not a dig at you , however , just an observation

[joro]

look redhead. i have a son a baby boy not a KID!!!
you clearly have some issues yourself so please do not comment on mine if thats all you can say.

I AM NOT STRUGGLING TO LOOK AFTER MY SON i do it perfectly well by asking for help round the house from his father why does this mean i am struggling to cope? we are in a relationship and everything should be 50/50 just becaue i am no prepared to accept that he can do what he likes when he likes while im at home cleaning and tidying up this does not mean i cant cope with my baby, it has nothing to do with it. you clearly are a man redhead why is that men are not prepared to deal with their parental responsibilities? not all men but most men think that its all down to us women to look after the babys and do the house work and have all the stress about money and bills.

i will not accept that i have to do everything. get up through the night work through the day come home clean and cook dinner. he has to do his bit aswell or leave if im going be doing everything on my own i might as well be on my own. wether im 16, 22,32 or 42 no women should have to do everything on their own while their partner does nothing.......

its not hard

[story_teller]

hi there joro i was in the same situation as u had to do everything whike he was out having a gd time with his m8s......every time i raised the subject he wld say i was jelous i use to fly off the handle even to the point that i wld hit him............he use to say i needed anger mangemnet so just to prove a point i went and had it for the counciller to tell me that it wasnt me it was him.......men are selfish and only see for that they can get for them selfs.......i have 3 kids only 1 with my fella now .......things stilll really havent changed he still goes to pubs clubs and gets drunk.....i have moved away now to a different county and left him behind........we still c each other but things are alot better.....not saying thas wot u shld do cos its different for other ppl.....but im happy now.......hope this helps and good luck cos one thing u will neva do is change a man lol

[story_teller]

wld also like to add that 22 is not to young to have a child yes it can be diffcult to bring up children cos they do test u patience but i think u will find that the issue joro has is her BOYFRIEND!!!!!! and not her SON!!!!!!!!!!..........y the hell shldnt the partner help after all he lives in the house and y shld they have all the fun y us women r stuck at home doing the same thing day in and day out........u dont need anger mangerment joro u just need help from ur partner and thats the issue REDHEAD SHE IS HER ASKING FOR ADVICE NOT A SLATING!!!!!!!!!!!!


GOOD LUCK JORO