Teacher/Pupil Relationships

[Xiomara]

There was a documentary about teachers who have (intimate) relationships with a pupil on TV last night. The programme predominantly followed the story of a 36 year old music teacher who started dating his 16 year old pupil.

The upshot of the story is that he was fired (for breaching a position of trust), is no longer allowed to teach and the girl left school (I'm not sure if she took her her exams etc.). The girl fell pregnant and gave birth last December.

I was telling my colleague about it this morning and he said that the teacher should never have been sacked and struck off because she is over 16 and they are both consenting adults, He followed this up with an example of if a 17 year old girl was taking driving lessons with a 36 year old instructor, the gent wouldn't be dismissed, would he?

My colleague further added that the local council/government have shot themselves in the foot because they have dismissed a teacher on the basis that it's in the best interest of the children, yet they are going to have to pay out now because he cannot find a job.

While my colleague will not deny that such an older man with such a young girl is still socially unacceptable, he cannot fathom why the teacher would be sacked if they were both consenting adults.

This theory made me stop in my tracks.......what do you think?

[alijangra]

These things will happen wont they? People become attracted to one another. But when one is a so-called 'professional' then it involves a breach of trust. Much like doctor-patient, or nurse-patient. It is completely wrong, these people are put in their care and if it really is 'true love' then they either wait or remove themselves from that position of trust before embarking on a relationship. Of course the teacher should have been sacked, it is gross professional misconduct and he is lucky he is not struck off the teaching register.

[Xiomara]

But he IS struck off the register and my understanding was that they waited until she was 16 before connsumating the relationship.

I totally get what you're saying with regard to the abuse of trust, but I kind of see where my colleague is coming from too......2 consenting adults and all that and why is it different for teachers and not driving instructors etc.

[4getmenot]

Its got nothing to do with being socially acceptable or being consenting adults, when you apply to be a teacher there are certain lines you just dont cross.

[alijangra]

Oh well lets just let all the teachers have free pickings over the pupils when they turn 16? It is wrong, and if you cannot see it as so, your morals are obviously very different from mine. I am a nurse and my brother is a teacher (29 and very good looking, Im quite sure a few girls will have a crush on him) and I know FOR A FACT that neither of us would ever cross that line. As 4getmenot says, it is part of the conditions of being a teacher. Now that he is not her teacher, they are free to do what they like. And I question a 37 year old man of supposed intelligence (a teacher after all) wanting a serious relationship with a 16 year old girl. In my eyes he is a predator and if it wasnt her it would have been one of her friends.

[alijangra]

And I find it highly amusing to hear a 16 year old being called an 'adult'. Yes in the eyes of the law she can legally have sex, but she will be far from fully mature. I imagine any parents of 16 year old girls on this site would shudder at the thought of a man pushing 40 who is old enough to be her father preying on her in this manner. Im not saying the girl is innocent, she is probably head over heels in love (infatuation?) with this man. He deserved to lose his job and should not be allowed to work with young people again.

[Psychick]

I have to admit, although it may seem harsh, he knew he was doing wrong when the relationship started. Correct me if I am wrong, but I am pretty certain that if this girl had been 17 and in the sixth form, they still wouldnt have been allowed to have anything other than a pupil/teacher relationship.
At 16 she is still a child, young and naive. He should've been the responsible adult and walked away and stopped it before it started. Before every jumps at me.......Im not saying he is totally to blame, because I know he isn't, I'm just saying he was the mature,supposedly responsible one in this situation, and shouldv'e acted it!

[Chickens2000]

When I was about 17 or 18 and at college I started seeing my lecturer. The relationship went on in secret for about a year but when the college found out he was sacked. I partly agree that over 16 you are supposed to be a concenting adult but I also completely agree that they are in a possition of trust. Funnily enough my fiancee aged 14 was with his English teacher who was 36 at the time I think for about 3 years. He's French and I don't know what the laws are there but even now, he's 32 and he doesn't see what was wrong with that. He said he was mature but I find that very wrong. His family weren't happy but because of how long it went on I think they learnt to accept it.

[Xiomara]

Alijangra, I do not appreciate you telling me what my morals may or may not be. I have actually stated that *I* do not agree with the situation, however, I am adult enough to take on board other peoples point of view, as I have with my colleagues without taking the high and mighty route that he is wrong and I am right.

I agree with all of you that, at 16, the girl may legally be an adult but she certainly isn't emotionally. My personal experience is that I have changed probably beyond recognition of the person I was at 16, I'm not sure I would even like my 16 year old self. I daresay I am not alone here.

Thank you for the story about your fiancee dating his teacher when he was 14, chickens. It's interesting that he doesn't see anything wrong with it, which makes me wonder, why is it that it's us women who are opposed to such an idea but here's is 2 guys now that see nothing wrong with it?

[jno]

I think the position of trust is more important than the ages. A 40-year-old doctor shouldn't be having an affair with a 40-year-old patient because it might compromise his/her impartiality as a therapist. With teachers and students there's the added complication that other students might feel the lover is getting better marks than they are because of favouritism. (Same with bosses having affairs with staff members; the chief of the World Bank just lost his job for this sort of reason.) People can fall in love (or infatuation) anytime, anywhere, but I think the proper thing is not just to wait till everyone's 16 but to make sure that if there's private contact there's no professional relationship at all.

[jno]

PS Xiomara, for what it's worth I think (but am not sure) that 14 is the age of consent in France.

[Psychick]

Xiomara, I talked about this with my boyfriend and even showed him this thread last night. He totally agreed with what I had said. He too said what happened between this teacher and his pupil was wrong. My boyfriend is a member of the support staff in a high school/sixth form and had to go on a course about all this sort of stuff.
This teacher had no excuses for letting this relationship happen.

[chompu]

Xiomara. I know I'm a bit late posting on here but I've only just seen this. I thought you may be interested to know that it was made an offence for persons working with young people e.g schools etc. to form a relationship with any student under the age of 18. None of your posters seemed to know that. I know because I worked in a school for the last 10 years. Just retired.

[elodie89]

Hi, I'm really glad I found this because I'm busy searching the internet at the moment to find out if my current situation would be legal if it carried on. Hopefully someone can help me, I would be very grateful. I'm currently 17 but am 18 in less than two months. I've just finished sixth form and my official leaving date is June 29th because that's when my exams finish. Recently I have been seeing more of a music teacher at my school and we have been texting each other a lot. He has never taught me, we have only met through extra-curricular music groups at lunchtime etc. Would it be legally ok for us to start a relationship of any description? I wouldn't want him to get into trouble because of me! And he is in no way 'preying' on me as people suggest, it has been my doing just as much as his. He's in his late twenties and has been teaching at my school since I started sixth form in Sept 06, he hasn't taught in a sixth form or college before. Please help me!

And in answer to your post, I don't think it's wrong for someone of my age, but I do think it would have been wrong before I started sixth form at the age of 15/16.

[chompu]

elodie89. You no doubt saw my post above regarding the law and under 18s. If you are meeting this teacher outside of school and you have not left yet, then you are placing his career in jeopardy. He should know this. The law actually refers to sexual relationships and no I'm not asking ,but even if it hasn't gone that far, if it is discovered he is meeting with you he is going to be the subject of an enquiry and some very difficult questions. It could be decided that his behaivour is appropriate even if there is no sexual element and he could be disciplined. Of course the solution is right before you, you leave in a couple of weeks time so just hold off until then. You will just be an ex-student so any relationship wouldn't be affected by the law.
I wish you well and hope things turn out ok. I say this because at the school where I worked were a husband and wife
who met when she was in the sixth form and he was a member of staff. This was prior to the law being changed, she is now in her 30s. However, when it was discovered they were seeing each other, the Head called them to his office and told them that one of them had to leave. She left and continued her studies elsewhere. She later returned to school to work in the office. Not all Heads would be so considerate. good luck.

[elodie89]

Thank you chompu. I was planning on waiting til I left anyway, I just wondered if it was ok after that because I met him through the school and was a pupil there. But judging by what you've said that sounds like it's ok. Nothing has happened yet that would make anyone want to start an enquiry, no one knows (unless he's he's told anyone, but I doubt it). Seems like it's been quite well timed because I leave very soon. Thanks again.