Tired and concerned

[Roughquest]

Hi Folks, Boy do I miss this site and our little chats sooo much, I have moved in now with my new b/f, all is going fine, I love him to bits, he is lovely, BUT has some weird ideas, he asked about my jewellery the other day, my rings - I love rings, my fave jewellery and yes they were all made for me by my ex-husband, is it wrong to wear them ? I also wear the old engagement ring, its too valuable not to wear also its not easy to remove! But b/f had a complete paddy about it ! Another thing while we were moving my stuff out he came across an old photo of me and a guy, he had another paddy, he refuses to discuss my 'past' and seems to think I should never have been with another guy ! He hates me going on AB too - but I manage to sneak on now and again, why is he like this ????? I truthfully cant see this lasting very long as I am walking on eggshells as it is. I love him and want to get to the bottom of his issues. Do your partners mind you using the internet and AB?

[Silversky]

I think he's a bit paranoid, thinking that you're gonna run off with someone, maybe even your ex?
However, I do find it a bit strange that you wear your ex's old jewellery. I don't blame him for being a little bit hurt by that, and would probably trigger off some kind of paranoia.

[Roughquest]

I love rings, the only rings I own to date are ones my ex bought for me. At the end of the day its just jewellery. I have worn them everyday for years....he cant skirt around that I was never married, or dated other guys, I cant go through life with him having to remove all my past personal things for fear of him being mardy about it, he lied to me the other weekend by telling me a friend of mine told him I was having an affair with a guy, I totally flipped out and demanded to know which 'friend' told him this absurd piece of rubbish, after a few moment he told me he had made it up and was really embarrassed and sorry ! He agrees he is OTT on a lot of issues and is very paranoid. But for this to work he needs to work through why he is being like this, its very destructive.

[confused79]

No mine doesn't and he checks up on me all the time!
hi ya if you are reading this, but i refuse to not come on here im not doing nothing wrong.
I must admit he mainly reads my questions as i have had some about him on here.
In a way its good cos he gets to see how i am feeling or what is wrong, cos any other time he wont listen to me or dones't like to 'talk' so to speak.
I mainly go on here at work and avoid it at home as he checks the history.
It does worry me too as it feels he is tarring me with his brush, as he has cheated in past and i haven't.
I have nothing to hide.
I do understand him being a bit funny about you wearing the jewllery it woudl make me a bit funny too if it were otheway round, but you need to explain to him there is no sentimental thing in it and just cos you like the jewllery, or maybe you two coudl go out together and let him buy you some new ones. One other thing think you shouldn't really were the engangment ring to me thats a no no.

Does he never talk about his past, lets face it if you both never had a past your paths woudl never have met most likely. Thats the way i look at it.
Good luck x

[redcrx]

if youre wearing the jewellery because of its beauty and not because or the link with your ex then i cant see the problem.
If hes that insecure that hes banning you from coming on answerbank then that could be the start of a lot of issues.

[GavinH]

Reads to me like you are trying to get a reaction from this man. Wearing jewellery given to you by your ex? Especially the engagement ring. Leaving photos of you and your ex boyfriend so he can see it. You seem very insensitive, and a bit insecure yourself.

One bit you say you love him to bits. Further down, you say you cant see it lasting. As for using internet and AB. I don't tend to go on it when I am with my girlfiriend, as we have better things to do.

[confused79]

i also meant to say he does mind me using it! tuff i say

[Roughquest]

I wear the jewellery only because of its beauty, I have earrings also from my ex but I never wear them at all, or the watches etc...I genuinely love rings, end of. Personally I would not be going off on one if he wore a watch bought by his ex wife, I accept he has had a past, he has been married twice ! And his ex wife still contacts him albeit to do with their divorce issues. It all seems double standards to me...he flies at me if I get a text from anyone male or female.....

[Roughquest]

Trying to get a reaction ? Dont think so, you need to re-read my question again. 'He came across a old photo' = my house, I have a past, lots of things may be uncovered that I forgot about, letters, pictures, photo albums - all sorts of personal things....why should I hide them in my own house - its not like they were on display for all to see.

[confused79]

sounds a bit like my man! severe paranoia or what?
Has he been a cheater in the past atall or have you been?
its very fustrating i know! causes lots of arguments.

[radiogaga]

reads as if he's v insecure due to past hurt.
his anger is being transferred to your recreational habit, AB time.
id remove the ring if it really upset him as its a reminder of you with someone else from the past, you want to move on with this guy?
my bof comments on the time i spend on AB, i neglected it for a while and then came back, i think he is jelous that he's at work all day and im at home 3 days (working 3) looking after our wee one.
id sometimes rather be at work all day. insecurites, the ring, photos he obiviously cant handle your past. weird coz we all have them!

[4getmenot]

kinda reminds me of the question I posted a while ago

http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Body-and-Soul/Q uestion418530.html

[confused79]

4getmenot- Same thing about the fridge thing happened with my partner except it was of me my ex and our kids on a ride in Chessington was on my fridge then it went missing then found it hidden in a draw, annoyed me more the fact as it had the children on there.
I must admit though it annoyed me when i helped by partner clear his flat out and found old pics of him with his ex, i asked him first if i coudl rip one of them up he said yes, which i enjoyed doing but at least i asked first lol.

[China Doll]

RQ - Did you know this bloke at all before you moved in with him?! I think you need a reality check girl. I don't mean to sound harsh here (but I'm going to) but why are you living with someone who you can't see a relationship 'lasting very long' with because he's really rather controlling from the sounds of all that up there ^^^

If you want this to work and want to get to the bottom of his issues then I'd suggest callign RELATE.

In the mean time I'd concern myself that I was living with somone makes you feel like you're walking on egg shells. That can not possibly be good for you.

[jno]

I don't think you should wear your engagement ring; that's never 'just jewellery'. But the rest, though... he does seem to have a jealousy problem; is he seriously planning to control your internet use? Wow.

[Mr k]

Hi Roughquest
You do move fast don't you ?
As far as i know you have only known the fella a couple of months...
As you don't really no the man 100% you are starting to find certain things out you don't like about him and there will be more.
And as for partners using the Internet ?
I often wondered this since I've come on AB some abers seem to spend all there time on here even though they have partners.
But i have to agree with GavinH
"As for using Internet and AB. I don't tend to go on it when I am with my girlfriend, as we have better things to do"
Plus many on here do swap phone numbers is this why he doesn't like AB ?

[Amber1571]

Hi Roughquest

If you simply like your rings, then you should wear them. I am sure you have clothes and books, etc, which were gifts to you from others, whether they be from men, women or ex partners. What are you to do, chuck them away? I think not. Regarding the photos, just put them away, in a box somewhere. I made the mistake of years ago, chucking away all 'my past photos'. I am with a different guy now who is not insecure, and I have no photos of me when I was on holiday, on honeymoon even - all gone, because I gave in. I didn't want them for the other person in them, I want them for me, for the places I went to.
Perhaps you moved in with him too quickly? I think the worst thing you can do is give in, as then it will only get worst. Be firm, tell him what you told us, and then end it with "I love you". Only you know if this relationship is going to work, and if it worth working at. If you are not careful you will end up lying to him, about silly things, just to keep the peace, when you are totally innocent and that will end in disaster. Remember, you do not want to be walking on egg shells in your own home.