how to cope with depression

[jandl0204]

My partner of 8 years has been suffering with depression for the last 6 years. I am totally at my wits end now. Everytime he has a bad day he takes it out on me and our kids aged 5 and 3. He's always moody, sleepy and stressed. He smashes things if he gets in a strop. He's been on tablets for the whole time but i dont think they do anything. If he misses a couple of tablets then he's 10 times worse than usual. The problem is i think his depression is really starting to take a toll on me. I feel like i resent him. I get upset at the slightest little thing, Im stressed all the time. I've just started working fulltime and he is supposed to be the house husband. He does nothing apart from look after the kids. The house is a mess. He wont clean the bathroom, he won't wash up, he wont put washing away, so i come home from work then i get the kids practically thrown at me with him saying ive had them all day it's your turn and then i have to tidy up and cook dinner, bath the kids and put them to bed. I just can't do it anymore. I just feel like throwing him out but i'm scared because of his depression that he will do something stupid and i dont want my kids to be without their dad. Please help i dont know what to do.

[beejaybee]

If the meds he`s on are`nt helping ,which they clearly are not, he needs to go back to his gp urgently. Depression is a terrible thing to endure both for the sufferer & the family around it. People have no idea what it`s like unless they`ve been there.

[annie0000]

I agree with the advice above, he needs to go back and be re-assessed. However, I don't want to be harsh here, but is it really a good environment to leave your children in all day? My husband is quite moody and I would say is a borderline depressive this came on when he was at home looking after the kids and he has much improved since he has gone out to work. Having said that, I know that it is hard to come to all that work and stress after you have been at work all day, when my husband was at home, I always made it clear to him that his priority was the children and I would rather he took them to the park than did the washing up. That said, he always managed to at least keep up with the dishes and the washing. The rest of the house waited until the boys were in bed.

Personally, I would urge him to get some sort of employment outside the home, even if this is part time and his whole salary only pays for the childcare. Your local council should prioritise you both from the point of view of working parent s and also because of his illness. I would recommend trying to get him a CPN - community psychiatric nurse.

I can appreciate that it is really hard for you, and it is difficult to remember why you loved him in the first place. Maybe going for some counselling with Relate would help if he would agree to it - although you could always go for some on your own. This would give you someone independent to talk to and maybe would help you come to a decision about what is best for you and your family.

Hope things get better for you soon.

[Lonnie]

I would agree he needs to get out more, but speaking from the male perspective, (and of course, I could be wrong), I would say its a question of self respect,

I'm sorry if you don't like what i'm saying, but even in theses days of supposed equality, marriages or partnerships where the man becomes the 'House Husband' very rarely work.

As for the depression, St Johns Wort works, Wouldn't touch Prozac because of side affects.

I know where your coming from, a couple of years ago I smashed up the house, thats when I recognised what was wrong, different reasons, but the result is the same,

I wish you well, and hope things get better.

[jandl0204]

Thanks for your replies, it's really nice to know im not alone. What is st johns wart? Is it a herbal remedy? Please let me know, i will try anything on him!!!

[Lonnie]

Yes, you get it from a health shop, or an online site, I know it woeks, because I was on it, but had to come off because of my work regulations,

It took about a month for me to start noticing a difference, and I was actually getting back to my old self.

The people in my local Health Shop gives these warnings,

1) When taking it, where dark glasses to protect your eyes
from sunlight,

2) Don't take it if your on other medication.

3) If in doubt, consult your GP.

This link explains more, and as I said in my above answer, I wish you both well, and sincerely hope things improve.

[Lonnie]

Oops, forgot the link.

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/special_reports/dep ression/stjwort.htm

[beejaybee]

I buy mine on line. I`m getting KIRI for �6:99, �14:99 in chemists. EXACTLY the same one.

[eucalptus]

does he have manic depression (by polar )highs the lows would long term drug help lithium