what to do...

[darlingnc]

Hi,
im in a situation where i really dont know what to do, ive been with my boyfried for 2 years and we are currently buying a house, we put an offer in, it was accepted, now just getting all the searches/survey done. recently we have been have quite bad arguements, horrible things were said to each other, i dont know whether to put this down to all the stress of getting the house or not because it has started to put doubts in to my head about whether i am doing the right thing, i mean, is it going to be us arguing from now on because it wont get any easier what with the mortgage to pay etc, i just need a bit of advise please
thanks

[Reverandfunk]

What have u been arguing about?

[4getmenot]

sometimes I think if you dont argue once in a while there is something wrong.

[darlingnc]

thats the thing, its nothing in particular, i cant even think of what we argue about its that pathetic but it escalates in to nastyness!

[Reverandfunk]

How nasty?

[darlingnc]

personal digs. immature i know but i am a bit sensitive and take things to heart but then after he says that he's sorry and just said things in the heat of the moment
aaarrgh! this is doing my head in!

[darlingnc]

hi legend,
i am asking strangers because i think that i need a non judgmental opinion, if i talk to my family/friends than it would be different? if you know what i mean? but yea i think a talk is in order, just need to get the courage..

[Reverandfunk]

Buying a house is one of the biggest commitments you make in your life, so a chat would be good.

Nastiness and spitefulness has no place in a relationship, if a chat does no good then call him a taxi lol.

[confused79]

Buying a house is very stressful so it can be down to that.
I can speak from personal experience i brought a house with my husband so i was already committed to him and we had 3 children.
But i wll say after buying the house it was very very stressful, he turned into a old man at the age of 28 was miserable and unhappy, i put this down to the stresses, im not trying to frighten you but after only after 10 months he had an affair he just turned into someone i never knew.

I dont think for a second your arguments are reasons to end anything, im just trying to explain how i know buying a house is very stressful and puts strains on relationships.

Think you need to communicate which is very important way of sorting things out. Say how you feel arguments are over silly things which are getting out of control. Im sure you both will be releaved that you spoke about it and try not to let it get out of hand when little bickers start, try and hold your tounge and dont bite back, i have found shutting up if they are going on is the best way to stop it getting worse.

[4getmenot]

no one should use personal digs. I hope you dont retaliate back either with them. Thing is you will never know until you go to next stage of your life wether its because of the stress of moving or not

[darlingnc]

Confused,
thanks alot for you reply, and every one else, i am going to have a talk to him and tell him that i am getting slightly cold feet, who knows he might be feeling the same but hopefull we can work this out
cheers guys!

[darlingnc]

lol @ Rev

[confused79]

legend007 No not sensible and mature far from it, i mean he became very very miserable and moaning about everything, he has never been sensible and mature only when he sees fit. He just did not want to do anything with us - meaning me and kids, but looking back was probably when he was having his affair.
No we are not together are actually almost divorced.

darlingnc good luck and let us nkow how you get on x

[sleepyj]

Buying a house ia a bigger commitment than getting married im sure ... only do it if your 100% sure save you both from a lot of upset later ....and save money good luck

[WendyS]

As others have said, and I can endorse from my own experience, buying your first property is very stressful and very scary because it's probably the first really big responsibility most of us take on in adult life and the penalty for failing, either in the relationship, or defaulting on the mortgage, is awesome to contemplate.
So try and understand between the pair of you whether your relationship has actually reached its "sell by" date and it is the thought of the high price of failure that is bringing you to this point, or whether it's just the general anxiety of it which is preying on your boyfriend's mind. It certainly won't get any easier once you have the ongoing commitment of a mortgage, so you must sit down quietly with him now and be honest about your feelings of doubt. Perhaps his reaction, (either shock, or relief) will give help you decide whether you should still go ahead, or pull out now.

[darlingnc]

Hi,
i spoke to him last night about my doubts/feelings, he did seem a bit taken back by what i was saying, i asked him if he had any feelings like this and he said it hadnt even entered his mind and that as far as he was concerend we were ok and just having little arguements due to the stress of things. i have asked him to start showing me the respect that i show him as i dont deserve any less. things still arent certain though, i just need a bit more reassurance from him
thanks again for your answers x

[legend758duo]

just be sure .

ok : - )