sparks gone n drifting apart

[tazz]

been with my partner 4 7yrs now n we used to b all loved up n all that, we now got 2 kids age 3 n 20months. since then the spark has long gone n my partner seems so distant n even seems not to care about me at all. is this nomal?

[gummybear]

Hi Tazz - God i hate to say it but it Sounds like the 7yr itch !! Needs somet big to blow off the boredom and make you or your other half realise what you have and how much you would miss it if it was gone !!
My Hubby and I went through a god awful patch at 7yrs. i could see his boredom for the first time ever and it scared the hell out of me ! We eventually broke up for 3 weeks which was just so painful and empty....... tell you what though it solved the problem !! .. ps thats not advise . Just my own personal experiance. All the best x x

[tazz]

thanx 4 replying gummybear, i have been thinking about doing what u did 4 sometime now but prob is none of us have anywhere else we can go. we have a mortage together to. but im worried if something dont happen soon its gonna end nasty. feel like im stuck in a hudge rut.x

[gummybear]

Sorry Taz befor i carry on are you male or female ?

[tazz]

female

[gummybear]

Tazz - Thought so, feel so sorry for you cos ive been there, It got to the point befor i basically threw him out ( took a lot ) that i pretty much did a list. Such a horrible thing to say but ....Have i put a load of weight on ? Do i still make an effort ? Do we still have quality time together like befor kids ? Is he doing more than his fair share of say getting up at night ? etc etc if you can answer all these and know the blame does not lie with any of them then you know its just the rut of 7 years and kids ....
I tried everything , treating him like gold, nice suprices and saucy laungerie but nothing worked except the most drastic...Goodbye,. !!!! Never even answered his calls !! He came back tail between legs and returned to my lovely bloke and has never took me for granted again since, it actually strenghthened our bond in hind site, hopefully it will not come to this for you x

[legend760]

sadly its verycommon nowadays.
hard to give advice really.
each case is so different though they have the same symptoms often they need different things to cure them.

some are incureable.

such is lifes tapestry.
some of us are meant to be together forever.
others for as long as we can last.
no set rule.
no magic cure either

[tazz]

i`ve tried so hard with him n have done pretty much everything i can. i`ve thoght abt all the questions u mentioned b4. it dont seem like any of them thou. i really dont know how to get outta this rut without doing what u did. we dont spend any quality time together or anything. it dont seem to bother him at all. he says its normal but it dont feel it to me. thanx 4 taking the time to reply gummybear.x

[legend760]

i think you might be better trying counselling.
to see where , if anywhere,
youre going ?

[tazz]

i know what your saying legend, just donno what to try from here. but feel if i dont try i wouldn`t of done everything i could

[tazz]

he wont go to cancelling hes stubburn

[gummybear]

Your welcome hun, but if he thinks it normal and is quite happy, ever thought you could be the one with the 7yr itch ?
Go on a girls night out or two and have a look about, there really aint a lot out there and it prob make you feel happy to go home to your safe comfortable man...
I might be way off, just a thought x

[legend760]

gummy strange advice .
go on a girls night out .
there aint much out there??

so go home and just stick with it?

well i think she deserves some feedback from him.

they have aproblem and it needs sorting , if thats possible.

there might not be many out there.
but there might be someone would care , love and respect her.

if he cares he would go to counselling.

then see where yuo both stand

[gummybear]

Legend i agree with what your saying if its a serious problem, but he does not seem to have problem, she said he thought it was normal. my girls night out suggestion was meant for if it was HER that was just bored to open her eyes to whats really out there.....worked for my mate when she got bored. looking at all the drossy blokes in Blackpool, made her glad for what she had at home even if he was boreing..

[tazz]

thanx both of u, i know im in a rut with it all hes fed up with not spending time together to but he thinks it norm n will get better but im not so sure. i`ve tried making effort n all he says is yeah u look ok, i`ve tried cooking nice meals n he dont even say anything about it just dont seem to notice. i`ve tried the going out thing n last time just made me feel worse, as i had prob finding taxi n didnt get home till gone 4am, he didnt ring text or anything. he just dont seem to care. feels like were living diff lifes most of the time. really wish he would go to cancelling. n if i were to go find some1 else im worried they wont respect or love me anyway. god y is life so hard.x

[gummybear]

He didnt care that you came in at 4am !! that does not sound right at all, unsuprisingly you sound v depressed with it all Taz. Please dont think someone else would be the same, im sure there is loads of men out there would love you properly....
One things for you sure you need to do something befor your self asteem gets any lower than it already is....
All the best hun, hope its just a phase that runs it course x