Exhausted!

[Roughquest]

How is everyone tonight? Been a long time but Im back....had a pretty tough 8 months - and its really got me down, I dont know myself anymore....life is the lowest its been for me presently, how do you get over someone who manipulated, controlled you with overwhelming insecurity and possessiveness? How do women cope after? Im also suffering PTSD....no joke....

[cazzz1975]

I seem to remember you from a long time ago, I hope you are okay, are you still in this relationship? It sounds like its ruining your life!

[Beads]

Roughquest - hello - I remember reading some previous posts of yours. Have you left him?

[cazzz1975]

you posted about your boyfriend getting angry when you got txts, despite him doing the same??

[smudge742]

You leave them....have been there, almost destroyed me. It does get better, takes time, and hard work, but it is soooo worth it. Still not completely back to myself, don't think I ever will be, but I am much happier.
Keep going....the strength is there inside you x

[Roughquest]

Yes, I left 2 weeks ago, back in my own home now, its been hell, but why the do I miss him ? After all the emotional, mental abuse?????? What is wrong with me, I didnt rely on him for money or anything, I just miss him, why do we love men that do this to us, why cant we help them? TO this day he still turns it all around and spreads the poison about me, turns people against me, makes out it was all my fault, my doing, telling me Im evil, dangerous.....

[cazzz1975]

you miss him because the intensity of his insecurity made you feel like you need him. Its like chocolate you will get cravings but BE STRONG!! and you will turn a corner and feel happier again.

[jno]

you miss him because he was part of your life, good or bad (and in this case - bad). Even a rotten tooth pulled out leaves a gap, after all, and takes time to heal. So will you. Don't worry about him spreading poison; if people believe him without trying to find out the truth, so much the worse for them; they are not people you need. Concentrate on working out what you need and want and how to achieve it yourself. (Don't go grabbing someone else on the rebound, just let yourself get accustomed to solitude first.) Good luck

[SRH]

You feel like you miss him because he hammered your ego so much that you didn't know what it was like to be really loved... or felt you deserved better. And in just half an hour a whole bunch of people who don't really know you, but have maybe been where you have been, have taken the time to send you a message. You so deserve that kind of respect and friendship and not the crap he was giving you and making you believe it was love. Don't beat yourself up. These things take time... and all your fellow ABers are here any time you need a helping hand to get back to your old self - and you WILL! You've taken a huge step to pull away from him and admit there's a problem. That takes guts - which you might not feel you have but, believe me girl, you have! x

[Roughquest]

THank you so much for your kind support! I never thought I would let anyone treat me like this, least of all a man, Im pretty strong, so how come he got to me??? I cant even shop for food Im so spaced out, feel like Ive been on really heavy drugs, keep crying at the drop of a hat, jump at the slightest noise, still cant sleep well though, find myself still hiding my mobile phone, even though Im alone and no one can catch me using it.....I walk around town in a daze, my memory is bad too...have to concentrate on making a cup of tea ! Im so quiet, even my friends tell me Im not myself anymore.....I feel such a failure...and feel cheated...

[cazzz1975]

not at all rough!!! you would be a failure if you stayed with him and let him rob you of your identity, confidence and sparkle. You now have a chance to be you again, it will take time but please talk to friends and family, stay a million miles away from him!!! day by day it will get easier.

[Roughquest]

He tore up my clothes that he didnt like me wearing because he said I looked like a ***** who liked to display themselves.....he destroyed so many of my personal things, he pushed, shoved, threatened me, yet kept telling me he wanted 'us' for life and would look after me, told me I was a slag, ****, tart, yet he said he trusted me, he didnt. He threatened to glass me, oh but he never hit me, he just used things to hit me with, never his own hands. Clever. Police would not help as it happened behind closed doors, after each attack he would console me and deny it never happened, saying I lied. He pulled the phone line out so I could not dial 999....

[Ice.Maiden]

I've only known what I've read on this thread, & although I've never been in your position, I have a very good friend who has. After 12 year's of mostly-mental abuse, she summoned the strength to leave, but it left her feeling dreadful for the next 18 months! If it's any consolation, there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. My friend'd lost all her confidence, but she's now met a guy who's she fallen in love with for real, and although it's 4 year's since she got rid of her ex, she really can't believe that she allowed herself to be so manipulated. Anyway - she's getting married soon - so good luck to you. You've done the right thing x.

[country_boy]

Hi
I remember reading some of your posts, all the warning signs were there and you still moved in so quickly. All I can say is hope things get better for you, don't go back to him and maybe don't rush in so quickly next time. If he hassles you get a restraining order or someone to knee-cap the ******! I'd do it for you if I lived near you! Take care and good luck.

[cazzz1975]

Im trying to remember but is this the guy that you met when you used to walk past his garage?? the one you invited to fix your comp?

Or am I on about someone totally different?? it was a long while ago, Ive put on a couple of zz's since :D

[sense4all]

RQ it takes ages to find a "good" head space. It can happen to anyone - my friend was the assistant to a Police Commander and she had the misfortune to get herself into a relationship like this, it took twenty years to get wise to the horrid reality of her situation - and by then she had three screwed up kids too. You did well to get out this quickly. Do not be sucked back in. Move area if you have to, you can always go back in a while - no one 'deserves' to be with someone like that. I have been very worried about how you were getting along, glad to hear you made the break. My friend is now own her own, but finding that better than being with her ex, who incredulously has managed to reinvent himself and find a new wife ... amazing.

[Ms Random]

Hi Roughquest,

I've also only just learnt about the problems you have suffered from this thread.

I was in a destructive, demoralising relationship and found this site helpful in identifying the problems from the person I was involved with....

http://thepsychopath.freeforums.org/

I learnt that the man I thought I couldn't live without had NPD, and that nobody could have a successful relationship with him (he is still single, and blaming me for dumping him).
Read the 'stickies' about Narcissism and try to understand why the relationship was so destructive to your self esteem.

Good luck,
Missy
x

[sense4all]

OMG I could have done with that site a couple of years ago ... a co worker had a narcicist for a parent . Thanks Missy!

[Ms Random]

Hi sense4all,
Through finding that site for my ex-NPD I realised that all the problems I had stemmed from the fact my mother is NPD....
A very enlightening site. Glad you found it helpful.

Missy
x

[country_boy]

Sorry if I'm being ignorant or missed something obvious, but what's NPD?

[Roughquest]

I cant thank you ALL enough for your kind words of support and encouragement. Meanwhile, I am tortured by disgusting, filthy and degrading, abusive texts, and 'him' hammering on my door in the wee small hours demanding attention. Having read your link MissRandom - its scarily made me see the light, too many likenesses....how can people get away with being like this?????? My thoughts go out to anyone else who is in the same situation, man or woman, it happenes to both sexes....I am glad I have had the strength and courage to see the light. THANK YOU ! x x x