Please help - I am so nervous at dating/being intimate

[ChirpyKez]

I really need some good advice. I'm 29 and have never had a proper serious relationship - I spent to long chasing a lost cause blah blah blah - got my heart broken and now I'm getting old! I really want the whole 'package' - i.e husband, kids etc but whenever I go on a date {I was a member of Match.com} I just get so nervous to the point of feeling ill that even if I like the guy I find it easier to say 'no' rather than have to see them again. I'm quite a confident person in most things but the whole intimacy thing scare the crap out of me and I'm worried I'm never going to let myself be close to anyone as it never feels natural or comfortable. I had a date a few weeks ago - a lovely guy who wants to see me again and I'm terrified - because of the thought that it could lead to a sitaution where I'm petrified. What's wrong with me!!?? As I get older it's getting worse, I don't know what to do and it worries me so much. I find it embarrasing as well, it's not natural to feel as bad as I do. Please help.

[jno]

Don't put pressure on yourself. Just tell yourself that you're going to enjoy an evening with a nice guy. If I were you, I'd explain to him what you've just written here. That way if he sees you're nervous he'll understand why. You're starting later than usual, but I have good news: 29 isn't old! (Believe me, I passed it long, long ago.) In fact you should be approaching your peak years: body still fuctioning much as it did when you were 15, more experience of life (good or bad), settled into a job, the world is your oyster. There does come a point where fear of relationships becomes some sort of phobia, but you don't sound as if youre anywhere near that point. You're nervous for perfectly sensible reasons: you've had a bad experience and you're cautious. Any sensible man will understand this and take things easy. Just remind yourself that all men are different; just because one treated you badly doesn't for a moment mean that another one will.

[ChirpyKez]

I think it is phobia-level, trust me : (