After buyin a house is it wrong to want a wedding and a baby?

[rhi100884]

I'm 23 and recentely bought a house with my partner. Between me and him we have about �3000 of debt but have a bit of money in the bank. My partner will now not buy me an engagment ring and after my older (rich) sister used up my parents wedding fund on her 3 wedding ceremonies they now can't afford to put money towards my wedding. To make matters worse my great grandmother isn't very well and I'm a type 1 diabetic and years of self abbuse might have damaged me internally. My partner and my mum are telling me I'm wrong to want to get married and start a family yet all my less well off mates are engaged/married/almost or are mothers.Is it wrong to be depressed about not being allowed a small wedding and a baby?When I said I'll have a cheap ring and a registry office wedding to save money I get told I'm not allowed. I have nothing else to aim for in life now except for being a wife and mother.

[jno]

you're 23, you have lots of life ahead of you. I'm not sure you're planning to spend it with the right person - what do you mean you're not 'allowed' a wedding and a baby? If you want them and he doesn't, you are free to look elsewhere.

For all that I think he and your mum have a point. Have you got a job? Have you got a dream that doesn't involve just repeating what your parents did and what your friends have done? Do you want to take up a hobby, play a sport, travel the world? Have you thought about living for yourself for a while, without a partner or a child? Why not get to know yourself a bit better first ?

[Ice.Maiden]

Jno's right rhi. At least you have the basis of a good start, by having your own house, and of course it's natural to have maternal feelings, but life's not as easy as you think once a baby arrives. You have years ahead of you to plan your family or to get married, but it's best to have some time as a couple first - to save some money, go on holidays, get your house how you want it to be. Don't follow the path of your friends, just because you feel the odd one out. Get involved in work or a hobby, and then you'll know if the time feels right to trade that in for the things you want now. Give it a couple of years and see if you still feel the same way then - x

[redcrx]

youre only 23, wait a while, get your finances sorted, get married (who needs a ring and a flash ceremony) and then see about having children.

"i have nothing else to aim for in life now except for being a wife and mother". If you really feel that way then you need to find more of a purpose in life for yourself. Take some time to enjoy life as just the two of you, stop being so pessimistic and focus on what makes you happy.

Youve said youre depressed, so why not get help for that first, a wedding and a baby wont cure you of that depression, in fact with debts and a baby its likely to get worse.

[Whoever]

You're only 23 and reacting as if your life were already over, with no ambitions left to fulfil. Perhaps your priorities need to change. . It isn't really sensible or responsible to think of getting married and having children when you're in debt. What kind of environment will you be bringing your children into? You do seem to want to "keep up with the Jones" in terms of doing what your friends are doing or how your sister's wedding was arranged but their financial circumstances may be different. Try to broaden your horizons,perhaps finding some new interests and skills and build on them to make your life more enjoyable and let your longer term future sort itself out when your debts have been cleared.

[dartmeet]

I think I'm with everyone else on this one. The main problem as I see it is your depression, and perhaps you feel insecure either as a person or in this relationship. You have mentioned self abuse and I don't know the route cause of this, but I imagine that you haven't solved this initial problem.
Being married with a baby may not help your self esteem and as a mum of twins, with probably a massive ego, I have real doubts about my worth often. Your depression may only deepen with the emotional and physical changes that happen in pregnancy and early years mothering.

My advice is yours to take or leave ,but can I suggest a few things? Try volunteering or hobby like someone else suggested. How about night school and learning a new skill ? Being a part of something bigger than yourself may make you re-evaluate your life. How about church (uk.alpha.org) ? I waited five years to marry my partner and another five to have my twins. I have been married for 13 years and the twins are 7 now. Good marriages need good foundations (and that's just for starters)!
Lots of love, hope you find what you're looking for.