Ex-husband's controlling behaviour

[miwi]

My ex-husband and I have been divorced for 7 years. For the first 5 years we managed to work at being civil to one another and negotiated holidays and access for our two sons without any trouble. For the last 2 years however my ex has refused to speak with me or meet with me about anything. He will not attend mediation. He constantly writes me letters that are full of accusations about my character and behaviour. My children tell me he and his wife use the "silent treatment for days" if they do or say anything to upset them and are often accused of telling lies or having something to hide. He has told our two sons (now 16 and 14) they must stop me meeting his or his wife's friends e.g. when I drop the boys at a friend's party. Can I do anything to stop this manipulate controlling behaviour of my sons and me?

[Whoever]

Your Ex sounds something of a control freak. It also sounds as if your two boys are suffering from his behaviour. I think your best tactic is to talk about this behaviour to your boys and ask them how they feel about it . They are both old enough now to have their own feelings about it and start beginning to work out in their own minds whether this is a right or a wrong way for their father to react. I wouldn't put any pressure on them to adopt any particular line of reaction. In a very short time now they will be old enough to decide for themselves whether they want to maintain contact with their father if he and his wife put this kind of pressure on them, in which case your husband will have shot himself in the foot. without you having to engage battle. Just act your normal self with your ex's acquaintances and friends. They will make up their own minds too if they are reasonable people.

[Le Chat]

You should get custody of your children instead of him.
That'd do the trick!

[miwi]

Thanks for your support Whoever ... I guess it's the waiting that sometimes gets me down, and the knowledge that in the meantime the boys will be punished for things I do that their father or his wife don't like. I feel so impotent to protect them from some really nasty behaviour. However, they are well-balanced young men and I guess the lesson here is for me i.e. to have faith that the way that I raised the boys will stand them well in this circumstance.