im so unhappy in this relationship

[minnie1974]

hi everyone, could really do with some advice, im living with a guy i met off the internet, we spoke for 3 years on the phone before meeting, then when we met, he left his wife and i left my kids and husband and we got a flat together. I never imagined it would be the way it is, he's totally different to how he came across on the phone and im so unhappy. my kids come over too stay and he dosent make any effort too interact with them, we have too sit in the beroom and watch tv becos he's so selfish and always watches what he wants, he's got a good job, but it seems im paying for everything, he's never bought anything for the flat, he's never took me out for a meal, when we have been out ive always paid, i cry myself too sleep every night, because i feel so low. i just feel totally invisible as for sex well thats a once a week job. i do all the cleaning and cooking, ironing his shirts and i get no thanks. ive even given him money, when he's had none left left at the end of the month, just want him to like me. i just know when you've only been with someone for a short time it should be happy and passionate. please help me

[Bohne]

What makes you stay with this man?
Are there happy times, too?
Why don't you move out, and make your own happy life?

For most of your thread it sounds like he is using you, and why would you let yourself be treated like this?

He does not want to interact with his children!
Did you speak about the relationship him and your children were going to have before you moved in together?

He makes you watch TV in the bedroom (now that one made me laugh)!
Why don't you take your children outside or play with them, while they are with you?
They can watch TV at home, and you can watch it when they are gone.
I would imagine that there must be better things to do with the time you have together!

But in general: Stop being his servant.
Stop ironing his shirts, stop cleaning after him.

And my first instinct says: STOP being with him, but that is for you to decide!

[boro1986]

The grass is not always greener is it!!!!

[bms]

This is what you deserve.
What were you expecting from someone who can leave his wife for someone he met over an internet? and Visa versa, how did manage to leave for husband and kids for someone you met on an internet? Couln't you have tried sorting your problems with your husband? I wish he could worse than he does currently.

[banjobabe]

Hey Minnie,

How long have you been with this man and has it been like this all the time or has it just deteriorated to this? Surely you didn't speak on the phone for 3 years and then move straight in together?

Completely ignore bms obviously a very sad person with nothing better to do than be rude to people.

You need to decide what's best for you. It may take you some time, write a list of the good and bad things in your relationship, this should help you.

If you feel he doesn't like you then I am afraid there is nothing that you can do to make him like you.

I think it may be the end of the road, especially if you want more from him and he is not giving it, chances are he never will.

Good luck.

BB xx

[stokemaveric]

if he is this bad i bet his ex wife was glad to see the back of him....sounds like you have got the rough end of the stick here babe.

[angelbug]

you need to leave him. life is way too short. you only get to do this ONE time-- that's all you get. you cannot spend it unhappy.

every single minute of every single day you should try to be happy and have fun-- this man sounds like an ass- move on, you'll be thankful in the end- and so will your kids.

[Velvetee]

Ac ommon problem with internet romances, the reality is rarely as good as the fantasy.

You just need to get out of this mistake and move on. You've shown you are independent, as you are paying all the bills and making a home a home. Be brave and make a go of it alone and spend as much time with your kids, making it up to them.

[lil123]

I was in a very unhappy relationship for many many years and I just lived like that hoping it would get better but it never did
One thing I have learnt from being on my own for 18mths is that until you are happy with yourself you can never be truely happy with someone else
I used to look for people to make me happy but now I know it comes mainly from me as I have drawn a line under the past
I have a new relationship but am taking it very slow as I'm not willing to give up what I have built on my own until I know he is what I really want

[MORELLO]

So basically you 'cheated' on your husband for 3 years then ditched him AND YOUR CHILDREN for a man who left his wife, and it's not worked out? Aww, diddums. Serves you right I'm afraid. Not usually so harsh, but people who cheat deserve some crap in their lives.

[tigersam258]

morello, there must have been something wrong with the original relationship for minnie to be looking for alternatives to start with. unfortunately this is part of life and it seems that she may have moved from one unhappy relationship into another. the children are the ones to feel sorry for here. they dont get any quality time with their mother.

Minnie, good luck with whatever you decide but I would definitely consider laying down some of your own rules with this guy. he cannot expect to have a maid/servant/slave whatever you want to call it and take money from you. perhaps you should consider moving into your own place before ending the relationship as this may re-ignite what you first found with him.

Hope it all works out for ya.

Sam

[MORELLO]

sam - been on the receiving end of such a situation, so like I said, not usually so harsh in my opinions...

[tigersam258]

which I am sure that everyone would sympathise with however Minnie is asking for advice and not a moral judgement.

[dizydosydoll]

I could never leave my children however you have and i think the only way you can make it up to them is leave this horrible man...you made a big mistake but you can try and put ir right as much as possible...if you was hard enough to leave ur children you are hard enough to leave this man

[Babyblues]

First off you left a life you already had for one that was only make believe. You left your kids to be with a man, Shame on you what were you thinking. There should never be any other person that comes before your kids. As for everything else your talking about I can't really feel sorry for you because you chose it. I do say that you do deserve to happy and if that isn't with him you need to go. your life is what you make it and because of the way you went about things it blew up in your face.
Now is the time to stop what your doing and think about where you want to be in life and then determin your next move. Your feeling count. And even though I don't agree with the way you went about this I still feel like you are doing to much for someone who just doesn't care.