Christening .... or wait for his divorce

[tgm1974]

I have been with my partner now for nearly two years but we have known each other for the past 15 yrs, were within that time we had 2 2yr relationships, 4 years apart ... basically I was dating a married man.

We now live together and all is civil with his ex and he sees his children whenever he wants. We have a son together who is just over 5 months old and we are wanting to get him christened in July 08.

My gripe is that he is still divorced as, sounds silly, we have more important things to spend �300 (doing it himself) on as we have the baby and just bought a new house. Does anyone think I am silly if I cancelled the christening if the divorce papers hadnt even been sent off. He did promise me that they would have been sent off before my son was born in november but the money was just not available. He is not two faced and will say one thing to keep me quiet but I feel a bit of a black sheep to walk in a church with my son and his father who is still married to someone else. Please dont judge me for dating a married man years ago as each situation is not as straight forward as it looking like adultery!!

All opinions welcome ....

[froggequene]

You're already judging yourself, why should the rest of us have to do it for you? Why should your child be denied his Christening because you have a hang up about a legal matter? In the eyes of church, even if your partner was divorced at the time the christening takes place unless he wed in a registry office, he would still be a married man.

I think you have a hang up about the circumstances in which your relationship started which you need to come to terms with, I think there's also some insecurity there because although he's committed to you & your child he hasn't severed the tie with his wife which would make him a free man

[JB]

Spent ages replying - then my computer crashed! Anyway, the crux of my reply was:
The christening is about welcoming your child into whatever faith - if your church is happy to go ahead then do it. Don't dwell on the past - focus on you, your partner and the future with your baby boy.

[tgm1974]

Thanks everyone -- I dont think Im paranoid about our relationship just that I want something to be right that we have done - everything seems to be the wrong way round if you know what I mean.

I have told him that I know the divorce wouldnt be completed by July but I want the papers to be sent off before the christening - told him last night that if they hadnt been then the christening isnt going ahead - i just dont want to go up in a puff of smoke if I walk into the church with a married man as mine!"

How sad do I sound?

[bimbo123456]

When you say he is still divorced do you mean he is still not divorced? The obvious question is why are you christening your baby? If it is just an excuse for a family get together leaving it will make not a bit of difference. If, however, you are intending to introduce your child into your church community then the sooner the better surely?

[froggequene]

I said insecure, not paranoid and I still don't get it - in your head if the papers have been filed, he'll be free?

Stop being so selfish, the christening is about the child, not you & your partner