What do I do??

[Daisy Petal]

I am in a dilemma, recently me and my other half have gone through a tricky patch. He has a short temper now and again which annoys me but I get over because when he is in a good mood he is the lovliest person ever. However a couple of weeks ago, I got a call from him to ask if I could help him out - I went and discovered he was in a drunken mess. I managed to get him halfway home, when he lost his temper and started damaging my car and acting like a complete idiot. I was so angry and it made me wonder if we are strong enough to get over this....it is also adding to the thoughts I have about missing my old life...I am in a bit of a quandry...we have been through loads over the years but I am still angry and don't know if I can resolve this....he acts like a teenager when he is nearly 40 - I am ten years younger and often feel that I have to look after him!!! He is very sorry about all that happened and hasn't touched alcohol since, I don't feel this is the solution I would rather he had a few but recognised his limits...I can manage it, why can't he? I am sure I sound unreasonable but I worry this will happen again.

[4getmenot]

you'd rather he had a few? If he has offered to not touch it again then what is wrong with that, at least he realises that and is sorry for what he did and is trying to change, let him do it his own way. A few will only lead to more. Dont make him drink a few because you dont want to drink by yourself

[Daisy Petal]

4getmenot - thanks for your comment. I appreciate his gesture I really do - and if it works that is brilliant. It isn't a case of drinking by myself...I just think that he would enjoy going for a few with his friends to unwind - I haven't said this to him and appreciate his decision to do all this for the sake of our relationship.

[jake-the-peg]

"Instant ar$ehole just add alcohol?"

I know a few and I had/have a drinking problem myself - not the same behavioral issues thankfully but that's just down to luck.

I gave up first 10 or so years ago, after 8 months I thought that I'd proven to myself that I could handle it and could as you say "just have a few" guess what? 6 months later I was back in the sam,e old routine.

I don't know him of course and everyone's different but if problem drinkers who manage to tone down and just drink socially as I'm sure you do are very few and far between.

I can't tell though if this has happened before but I get the feeling that maybe it has?

Has he got it into his head that he and alcohol have to part company for good? If so that's really good and you should support him.

From personal experience I can tell you that having people around saying "you don't have a problem" or "just one or two" really doesn't help - you wouldn't try and convince someone who's giving up smoking to do that!

If he hasn't made that decision and he's done it before I think you have every reason to think that it will continue to happen.

Don't think what goes on in his head when he drinks is the same as what goes on in yours. If he's like I was he drinks because he wants to get drunk and if 3 or 4 are good 6 or 8 are better and 10 or 12 are better still.

Like I say I don't really know him but I do know that the last 8 of my life have been a lot better without booze

[karmgirl]

Give him a second chance. Accept that he's sorry and move on.

If he does it again you will have to reconsider whether you want to be in a relationship with a man like this.

You'll soon work out if it was a drunken one off mistake or whether he intends to carry on like this then you need to make your decision. Put up or ship out

[4getmenot]

but those few with mates turn into alot more. Give it time after a while of not drinking he may be able to handle the going out and just having one. But believe me make sure you only give him one chance

[cassa333]

Picture your life in say, ten years time or twenty or when you are old and look around you.

What do you see? Do you see him amd you happy? Have you managed to change him and if so is he still the man you love?

OR

Is he still the same?

[Le Chat]

"and it made me wonder if we are strong enough to get over this..." When you say "we", don't you just mean you? Shouldn't it read "and it made me wonder if I am strong enough to get over this?"
Blokes (and women) who go 'on the turn' after a few drinks have deep psychological problems and lots of anger, which they are no longer able to keep under wraps as the alcohol un-inhibits them.
Unless he gives up drinking, it will happen again...and again....and again. Maybe one time it will happen when you're at home and he'll punch a hole in the wall, put his fist through a door, kick over tables and chairs and cut his arm on the mirror he's just punched the lights out of, dripping blood all over the carpet. Of course he will be sorry the next day.
Don't just hope that everything is ok because you so want it to be. You deserve better and you know it but you want it all to be fine and you want to believe him but in your heart you have a huge horrid feeling of doom. Please don't ignore it.
If he doesn't stop drinking then you need to get out.
I know "I was that soldier!"