men are from mars,women aare from venus

[mirela]

few friends recommended me to get that book to read. i just started first 2 chapters and found it is telling lotes true, but thing is can you really change the way to behave in a relationship after reading a book? have you ever read the book?what do you think about it? and do you find it helpful?

[CAJ1]

I have this book Mirela, I've only really read the first few chapters but I agree with you that a lot of it is true! Especially men being like cave man and wanting to solve our problems etc.. I think you can maybe change the way you are in a relationship but it would take a lot of effort especially if you have been doing something for years. I'll let you know when I finish it

[andy-hughes]

I have read it, and found it interesting.

The most any book can do is add to your perceptions of its subject matter - relationships - and maybe give you food for thought.

I think that nayone slavishly adopting the rationales given may find their relationship in trouble - unless their partner also reads the book and adopts its mandates with similar intensity.

Enjoy the book, think about some of the ideas, then follow your own instincts.

[4getmenot]

I've got it havent read it yet that about 5 years ago

[annie0000]

I read it and that although it did have a few telling things, it was otherwise a pile of keek (poo). The author seemed to be living in another age, and I found it quite insulting. Men however seem to like it.

[mirela]

it is quite old book, 8 years ago? so cant blame the auther got some odd perspects...it is more like a formula, different people use the same formula, but adapt to their own life experience i guess...
im a bit doubt if only one person read the book and try to change the way his/her view about the other half, but his/her other half wont read it and wont do any changes, would it still work?
my friend strongly recommended to me, she said doesnt matter you are in relationshio or not, it helps you to know men (well as we are girls) and can avoid arguments and take things easier.

[annie0000]

It may be because I am not a girly girl and my husband is not a steriotypical man either. I have always been the breadwinner and he has stayed at home with the kids. and has had jobs that are normally associated more with women, I just felt that the book was a bit sexist in trying to box people in instead of saying that people are people and have different traits.
It is a bit like reading your hosocope, you find that bits are true, but you ignore the fact that 90% of it doesn't relate to you and you feel that it is accurate - if you get my drift.

If you get something out of it, don't let the fact that I don't put you of trying to improve your relationship.

[annie0000]

btw - it was first published in 1992, but to me sounded like it was from the 1950's!

[Tups]

I've only read the first couple of chapters so far and, although at first I thought 'yes, he's got it just right' I then started to think 'well, hang on a minute, he's suggesting that women need constant assurance and affection whilst men need to retreat into their caves and come out when they're ready. Leave them be and they will eventually come to you'. Surely that's tantamount to saying women need to pander to men by letting them have their own way and simply be waiting for them when they finally do emerge back into the open???

[coccinelle]

I read the book about 6 years ago and when I'd finished it thought if only I'd had this book when I was first married it would have saved a lot of arguments! I'm now more tolerant on a lot of things. One thing I remember it explained to me why my husband can look in the fridge and not find something that is in there!!

[beso]

Books like this are written by people who cling to the sexual stereotypes because they are uncomfortable with people being people regardless of gender.

They are worthless.

[Bathsheba]

Coccinelle!! Tell me more about that fridge thing!! That's exactly what my husband does. How is it explained in the book? x

[Slooow_Jo]

Yes coccinelle do tell!! my 12 year old son does the same whenever I ask him to look for anything! Then like a fool I will tell him to 'look with his hands' lol

[Hermia]

You also ought to read "The Myth of Mars and Venus: Do Men and Women Really Speak Different Languages?"
by Deborah Cameron which is really interesting. If I remember correctly I think one of the things she argues is that we exaggerate the differences between men and women which I think is true.

I would read the Mars and Venus book, but I wonder how much use they are if only women read them. I remember loads of my female friends reading it, but not their partners. So, they were putting a lot of effort in trying to understand their partner and change themselves, but the hubbies were just carrying on as normal.

[mirela]

hermia, that what i thought too. effort for a relationship sould come from both sides, so questioning it how can it work if only women read it?

it is sexual stereotyped, but found the part how to avoid unnessesory arguments quite helpful.

[Ice.Maiden]

Hi mirela.
I don't think anyone needs a book to help with these matters. They're a bit of light entertainment, but at the end of the day, just written from the author's perspective. Each relationship's different, and you have to deal with your partner in the way that YOU think's best. How YOU deal with it, might be dealt with in a more efficient manner by someone new coming on the scene, but to stop arguments, you both need to be able to relate to each other in an open and honest way. Both talking - and listening - are a vital part of communication - and if you can stand back and reach some compromise, then great. If not - time to move on. x

[mirela]

thanks for all replies...

hi ice! you are always wise:)i found when you feel you are stuck in a bad relationship, first thing should look at is yourself, not just how you treat and dealt with relationship stuff, also in general, what you are looking for in your life, how to be yourself, and how to make yourself stronger, have you stick to who yuou are rather than change yourself for someone else... like you said, a book may only help to deal with conflicts in an more efficient way.

[andy-hughes]

Bathsheba and Slooow_Joe -

if memory serves, the author puts forward the premise that perception in the speices is governed by early man's demarcation of domestic tasks.

The man went out hunting, so his distance vision - looking for animals at a distance, was sharp, but his near vision was poor. The woman, looking after the cave and children had better near vision, and could easily spot close objects, but her distance vision would be poor.

That is why modern man can look for a close object and literally not see it, when a wman spots it right away.

Simiarly, the woman's tasks including watching the fire, watching the children, cooking and so on, allow her to multi-task naturally, wheras the man, with one task to complete, finds it difficutl.

The premises in the book revolve around the fact that although we are civilised, our civilsation is a thin veneer, and underneath it, these primal instincts and behaviours still affect the way we behave today.

[coccinelle]

Exactly right andy. Sorry, bathsheba & Slooow Jo but just come back to this thread today! By the way mirela I haven't tried to change my ways I just understand there are differences .