Platonic friendships between men & women

[milo1978]

Can this ever really happen??

My dad reckons that at any given point during the friendship one fancies the other & vice versa. Or whilst drunk they fool around or think about the other one in sexual situations.

My boyfriends got a girl who he classes as one of his best mates. In the past they've shared a bed, she's seen him naked & he's seen her in her underwear but he claims that in bed they've never even cuddled & that he totally sees her as a bloke.

I haven't kept going on about but but I cant help but feel paranoid that one day a light will switch on & he'll realise that he's madly in love with her.

Any views??? xx

[zzxxee]

i do believe it can be platonic if ones a lesbian and the guy is gay

[Bbbananas]

It's possible, but highly improbable.

I wouldn't be paranoid though - what are your ages?

[Ethel]

I have had many many men friends that I haven't been the slightest bit attracted to, nor have they been attracted to me and there has never been any sexual intimacy.

I have had a life long male best friend (over 50 years) - I ove him dearly but never in any romantic sense.

[4getmenot]

I have alot of bloke mates that I dont fancy, whether they fancy me who knows..... lol

[milo1978]

I'm 26 and he's 27 & soooo happy together thats why is not an issue as yet.

We have talked about it because i'm of the opinion that its not really possible.

I asked him for eg. if say he got ****** & couldn't drive home whether or not it was acceptable to share a bed with her now (obviously as he's not single anymore) his first answer was yes, then I went silent & he realised he said the wrong thing and changed his answer to no.

mmmmm?!?!?

[zzxxee]

bit dodget methinks milo

[zzxxee]

sorry ment dodgey

[Bbbananas]

Sharing a bed is a no-no, whatever the situation.

It is possible to have platonic friendships; maybe one will always feel or deep down want more than the other, but like 4getmenot I have a lot of bloke friends who I know nothing would ever happen with. Whether they fancy me or not I don't know - but they know the score and stick to it.

You should talk about the situation with him though - explain that now you are a couple, he should be more aware of your feelings and perhaps not get himself into situations with this girl where you naturally would be suspicious.

[milo1978]

He understood the whole bed thing cos I put it to him as in how would he feel if I slept in my underwear with another guy...that soon shut him up.

Strangely enough she is also the ex girlfriend of his best mate (who recently got married, so he has sooo moved on) they went out for 5 yrs hence my boyf spent a lot of time with her during that period.

You've all worried me now ahhh!!!!!!

[Bbbananas]

no milo - don't worry too much, but do talk to him about it, explaining how you feel. If he values your relationship, he will tone down his other one. You're not asking him to stop being friends with this girl - just to take your feelings into consideration. :-)

[Ethel]

Sharing a bed should not be a problem at all. There is no attraction there so nothing will happen.

He's known her a long time - if he wanted to be with her and not you, he would.

If he fancied her rotten and she had turned him down, they would not be friends - his pride would see to that

[milo1978]

I mean really I know he's ad about me, we met travelling on a remote island then separated for months & months, now we're both back & its going sooo sooo well!!

But yes I think I will touch on the subject again because I thought I was over it but he went for dinner at her house yesterday & when he told me I got that horrible feeling. It was a group of them!

[sqad617]

Platonic relationships between male and female can only exist if:
1) one is lesbian and the other gay..zzxxee
2) neither of them fancy each other sexually......rare, unless one of them is extremely ugly and even then sex could easily follow
I hate to disagree with Ethel as she always gets the better of me but:
Did this guy of over 50yrs say that he didn't fancy you sexually? You mention the word romantic, but this thread is about sex........something quite different.
In my opinion it is nonsense to say that heterosexuals sharing a bed " should not be a problem" haven't you heard of the saying "any port in a storm".
Hetero sexual platonic relationships can only be maintained if the sexual aspect has been explored, burnt out or rejected.

[CHOPSUEY]

Are you daft? They sound like classic sex buddies. He probably lusted after her the whole time she was with his best mate. She's seen him naked etc? er, none of my friends have seen me naked, and I haven't spent my life in hiding. Face it, he's happily giving it to her when it suits them and enjoying the comfort of your 'happy' relationship.

[mycats]

Steg who comes on here sometimes (and is a guy lol) is one of my best mates in the world, we used to spend every weekend together and there was NEVER anything between us. We have bee very close for 10 years. of course men and women can be friends

[sqad617]

Quite so, mycats he doesn't fancy you sexually and you apparently don't fancy him. That is one of my conditions tht platonic friendships could exist as outlined in my previous reply.

[Ethel]

squad - there has never been any sexual frisson between me and my male friend and I doubt our friendship would have lasted over 50 years and 5 spouses between us if there had have been.

Just because you are in somebody's bed it doesn't mean you have to have sex or be intimate in any way. You can just go to bed to sleep. This has happened more than once with me and my friend, when we have stayed in a travelodge on our way to and from France.

[Bbbananas]

Ethel - you dark horse.

[sqad617]

Quite so Ethel, because he didn't fancy you sexually and you didn't fancy him sexually....with that state of affairs, as I mentioned above, a platonic relationship between hetero sexuals can exist ....refer ti answer sqad617 14.14