cheeting hubby or not ?

[cherokee03]

I found out a couple of weeks ago that my husband had been texting and phoning my best friend, whos having marital issues. He denied that there was anything going on except talking and listening, so did she, but I had doubts. I decided to put it behind us and try and get on with things, until the other day i found out they had met up. After promising no more secrets, yet again they both appologised, but where do i stand now........?

[4getmenot]

is she close mates with him or is her husband mates with him? It may be honest but even so I would feel that I wasnt a good enough best friend for her to be talking to you about it all

[helster]

I think it's really dodgy, sorry. I'm not saying they're having an affair but they may well be on the way to. I know I would not like it my husband was meeting up with my friend without telling me. It's the secrecy that's the issue. If there's nothing dodgy going on then there's no need to keep it a secret.
Think about it the other way round; if you were meeting up with a friend of his in secret.
It doesn't add up.
x

[Curly13]

If it was my Best mate I would feel a bit put out that she would prefer to talk to my husband, rather then me.
Have you asked her why she doesnt want to talk to you about it? and Does your husband realise just how anxious you feel about this situation?

[4getmenot]

Ok can I ask if they had asked you after telling you no more secrets �Can we meet up please� would you have let them?

[cherokee03]

We are all friends (suppose to be), I do know about the problems, thats why I'm so peeved that its still him she wants to talk to

[redcrx]

perhaps she thinks that she'll get more answers from a males persective or hopes that your hubby will give her details on what her ex is up to?

[4getmenot]

yes I think she is just trying to get back at her ex or find out my info on him from his mate

[cherokee03]

Her hubbys only secret is that he is abusive, and we're not suppose to know that.

[cherokee03]

I dont mean that to sound like, thats all nothing major, i do sympathise with her greatly, but my marriage is now on the rocks, i can't trust him any more. We've had one night of silence and he now wants me to decide if he stays or goes..........

[onlyme26]

if she is your best friend why go to your husband? and not you?

BE CAREFUL this is a sticky situation,

if she is having problems in her marrage and yours is all happy and fine she may be getting closer to your husband kinda wishing he was hers! if you see what i mean,

as she is your best friend she obviously knows you very well and may look up to you and maybe look up to the relationship you have with your husband and feels jealous possibly that hers is a mess,

getting close to your husband isnt doing her, you or anyone else any good!!! id put a stop to it, because if nothing has happened it may do now,

and the fact that it has been hidden from you IS a problem,
im not saying they are having an affair, but she will probably feel drawn to him coz he is everything her own husband isnt! and the more he is there the closer they will get,

be carefull talk it out and to be fair if you feel your marrage is at threat put a stop to it,

cant she talk to you about her problems?????

[jno]

your marriage is on the rocks because your husband has been texting your best friend? I'm not there, of course, but are you sure you're not going over the top here? Why exactly do you not trust what both of them have said? People are actually allowed to have secrets from their partners (and will, whether they're allowed to or not). And yet here are the two people supposedly closest to you in the world and you don't believe a word either of them has said?

Sure, they might have been having an affair for years. Alternatively, you might have a jealousy problem.

[onlyme26]

i disagree, when they are meeting up IN SECRET and all texts etc are in secret, there is a problem, sure you are allowed to have secrets, but this isnt a secret, she is aware of her best friends situation,

so in this case there is no need for the secrets!

plus her marrage is now on the rocks

seriously there is a problem there and i think jealously is part of it, but with good reason

[natalie_1982]

I would be honest with your friend and lay it on the line; tell her you will always be there for her as a friend but now your marriage is under pressure because of her needing to lean on your husband and that is not fair; any good friend would realise that, whether she is talking to your husband for a male's perspective or whatever. Also, if my husband gave me an ultimatum after lying to me, then I would tell him to leave and to consider how he would feel if the situation were reversed.
Good luck cherokee xx

[cherokee03]

I can assure you i'm not jealous, if i thought you all had a day or two to listen to the whole story I'd let rip, but i dont . I think I'll just tell him to go . cheers all

[onlyme26]

thats a good point, why is he asking if you want him to leave?? id ask him if he wants to leave? i mean what a serious thing to say?

im so sorry, i do feel for you, im not married yet, but they has been a friend of my fellas that has split us up once!

it is easy for someone to come between you and litterally tear you apart, luckerly we survived and he realised his mate was a c*ck!! lol

after all we can only tollerate so much, and at the end of the he is your husband not hers, so he should be putting you first, you have good reason to be jealous of them, i know i would be!!! too many secrets and lies for my liking
xx

[onlyme26]

really? thats so sad, i dont think i could be friends with her after that,

does she realise she has had such an affect on your marrage?

[redcrx]

youll just let him go? just like that?

[Maizy2008]

If you're having any doubts I'd ask them to stop seeing and speaking to each other, if there is nothing going on they won't have a problem with respecting your wishes, if there issomething going on they will both protest to not being able to see each other. I wish you the best of luck and hope everything goes the way you want it.