BIG Problem - Part 2!

[daniela]

Plus we flirt all the time, and one day he said to me that if him and his girlfriend were to break up for like a week again (as they usually do) the one person he'd sleep with in that time would be me. I told him his girlfriend would not be too happy knowing that and he said that she would never find out. I know it may sound like he's a complete w***** but he's really not, he's one of the sweetest guys I've ever met. He's really caring too. Also we got into a conversation about love etc and I asked him what would he do if a friend of his told him she really liked him that way. These are his exact words: "I would show I greatly appreciated what you told me, and try and preserve our friendship, with the occasional touch (just for fun)" To be honest I think he knows I like him but doesn't say anything. I know what I've wrote may bore you halfway but please help me, I dont have a clue what to do! Do I keep my feelings for him bottled up as I've been doing for the past 6 months or do I blurt it all out? Hope you can help me xxxxx

[becks]

Blimey get a diary and write this suff down there! As for the lad - if you sleep withhim you'll regret it, he's leading you on by saying "he said to me that if him and his girlfriend were to break up for like a week again (as they usually do) the one person he'd sleep with in that time would be me" - that is such a line - what are you supposed to be - grateful? Oh thanks for sleeping with on the week out from your girlfriend. He's got all the lines "I would show I greatly appreciated what you told me, and try and preserve our friendship, with the occasional touch (just for fun)" and has got you hook line and sinker. Forget him, if he wanted to be with you, he would be, and he's not.

[becks]

oooh sorry just read that and it sounded very unsympathetic - didn't mean to, just get mad at blokes like this - he's basically saying he wants to be with his girlfirend and on the off chance he isn't he'll sleep with you, but then get back with girlfriend, but stay friends with you "and the occasional touch"???? Forget him, get someone that wants you, am sure you're worth more than this loser.

[Miss Zippy]

Agree with becks, if he genuinely cared about you as more than a friend, he would be with you. End of story. You recognise you have a crush on him (I'm glad you don't think you're in love with him!!) and he is willing and able to take advantage of that if you let him. So move on and wait for someone to come along who deserves you. As with becks, I don't mean to sound unsympathetic and I know that to you your feelings seem very real, but listen to us 'oldies' who have been there and done all that and see that what you're going through is just part of growing up and testing out relationships.

[georgit79]

Yes, he's trying to have his cake and eat it too. And of course he knows you fancy him, which is a massive ego boost for him. I know you think he's amazing and sweet and all that, but are you not looking at all this through rose-tinted specs? Why does he argue so much with his girlfriend? Maybe he wouldn't be the best guy to be with. He obviously already knows you've got a crush on him, and I reckon that if you admit your real, full feelings to him, it'll just make things more awkward and leave him with an even bigger ego boost. So here's what you do. Start looking for his faults, and make friends with his girlfriend, so you can start to see things from her point of view. Men come and go, girl. You'll find one of your own in time (and while you're at it, can you find one for me too? I have my own little mad crush dilemma.)

[daniela]

Thanks you guys, believe me I'm really trying to get over him but it's hard when I see him everyday in work (where I'm just about to go!) and he always flirts! I've even tried not to flirt but that just makes him do it more! I know you think he's an awful guy but he's really not. I know what you mean with the 'if he liked you he'd be with you' thing, I've said that to myself repeatedly yet with no result. I'm really trying my best to get over him, cos it's sooo not healthy!! And don't worry I wouldn't sleep with him if he broke up with his girlfriend for a week! Even though I'm only 19 I do have more sense than most girls I hang around with!

[andy hughes]

If I may add the male perspective here ... the ladies are absolutely right! I'm afraid men are seupreme egotists, and this guy is taking advantage of your obvious attraction to him.Any man who is making congtigency plans for a quickie when he and his 'girlfriend' next split is to be avoided. I'm sure he's nice as a friend, and as eye-candy, but i think you already know, he is trouble waiting to happen. Find a nice guy who will treat you as you deserve, and let this self-centered 'charmer' upset someone else - and let's be honest, he's not particulalry fussy who that is!

[daniela]

They argue all the time because she always wants to be with him 24/7 and he wants at least some space to see his friends. The way they get back together is; she cries and he feels bad so he apologizes for something he didn't even do! If i find some decent blokes I'll let you know georgit79, but with my luck I won't!

[OBonio]

You got it. He's a w****r. He knows you like him and is trying to take advantage of it. Kick him in the family jewels the next time he tries it on. This sort of bloke gives the rest of us a bad name!

[Lindy Loo]

Oh daniela..I do sympathize with how you feel..done it loads of times in my mis-spent youth!! Yeah makes me sound ancient but I do remember those days!! Hate to say it but I'd go along with what has been said. How old is he out of curiosity?? Sounds like a few of the guys I worked with once and the 'my wife doesn't understand me' syndrome!! If their relationship is up and down, let them get on with it and don't get involved cos you'll get hurt into the bargain. One other thought, if working with this egotistical flirt is too much, is it possible to change your job?? In the long run it may save you a ton of trouble. Good luck

[evolution]

I agree with all the above too! So when you try to ease off on the flirting he flirts even more? He knows you like him and that if you stop flirting it's because you're consciously TRYING therefore he flirts even more as he knows he'll get round you. Quit the flirting! Do everything in your power to stop yourself. This guy needs bringing down to earth - with a serious bang if possible.

[I.R.]

Believe me, Daniela, you've received VERY GOOD ADVICE so far! I can tell you from experience that he is just trying to use you. I wish I had people to advise me this way about 2 years ago, perhaps I wouldn't have made one of the costliest mistakes I've ever made. In my own case, the guy was actually engaged to be married, but once he knew I fancied him, he put on all the works, and got me right where he wanted. Even when he got married, he still wanted to keep me keep hanging around as a mistress, or something! And all the while, I was hurting terribly. Even when I eventually found the strength to call it quits, he kept on calling, trying to get back! Believe me, guys like that are dirt, don't have anything to do with him!

[inferno]

Lets make a list 1. He cheated on his girlfriend early in their relationship. 2.He felt you up when dancing with you - cheating on his girlfriend again. 3. He has told you he cheats when he drinks - so there has been even more cheating you don't know about. 4.He is prepared to use you for sex when he is on his next temporary break with his girlfriend.5. He will want to be making the best impression on you that he can - so what isn't he telling you? I am a man and I can tell you this guy is not sweet and caring, he is manipulative and selfish. This all sounds like a harsh analysis, but you really should stay as far away from him as possible.

[Wraith]

There's an old saying; "Never judge a book by its cover". We can all pretend to be things we're not to get what we want. I'm not saying that he isn't a nice guy, but I bet you've seen people suck up to the boss just to get what they want. He sounds like he's after one thing only. I can imagine why his girlfriend wants to be with him 24/7. Having been unfaithful to her before she has probably lost her trust in him and wants to keep an eye on him.

As has already been said get to know his girlfriend and see things from her point of view or consider changing jobs.
Take care daniela.

[j2buttonsw]

He sounds fine to me, what are you waiting for?

[daniela]

Thank you all very much for your responses. I am actually going to get another job anyway so I probably won't see him again, though he said to me that he wants to still see me outside of work when I change jobs. Really don't think that's a good idea. Lindy loo he's 21 and I'm 19. Inferno - he's only cheated on her once, he would tell me if he did it again. As soon as he cheated on her though he told her cos he knew it wasn't right. I suppose the feeling me up part was out or order and he shouldn't have done that to me while dancing. I'm just back from work and I didn't flirt with him at all today, I hardly even spoke to him and he asked me what was wrong. We have a works night out on thursday so I'll let you know if he tries anything. I'm actually considering letting him kiss me (if he tries) that way he'll tell his girlfriend, she'll get rid of him (if she has any sense) and plus I'll want nothing more to do with him so he'll be left with nothing. Is that the punishment he deserves?

[Lindy Loo]

Daniela..Please just get another job and forget about him. I agree, seeing him after you change jobs is a very bad idea, it'll just prolong the situation. Having read your last update, he is just using you. If you do go ahead with the 'kiss' at the firms 'do' hoping he tells his girlfriend, you have no guarantee of that, plus he may see it as a green light to go further, which you say you don't want. Besides, I suspect that his girlfriend will 'forgive and forget' in the end...she has before from what you say. Have you considered that if you go ahead and accept his advances then you are betraying his girlfriend as much as he is? Then you have her to deal with as well until you change jobs. Could you handle that? How would feel if he was YOUR boyfriend and he did it to you? (Probably he would if he is doing it now.) Just enjoy Thursday night and avoid him like the plague!!

[daniela]

Yeah you're right, I won't go near him! I'll just enjoy myself and forget about him! If he comes up to me and starts to flirt and mentions sleeping together during his 'break-up' I'll just simply say 'I don't do rebounds'. He'll be confused but I don't give a damn!

[daniela]

And yeah you're also right about his girlfriend, she'll probably forgive him again, she's not strong at all. Right now they're arguing constantly because they girl who he cheated on her with is back in his life. They were good friends and she also works in the same building as us! She's trying to let him see from her point of view thats it's difficult knowing they see each other and talk, but he just says that it's none of her business. Yeah...I wouldn't want a boyfriend like that!!

[Lindy Loo]

Well Done and take care