Being liked, making friends etc.

[lovefoolb4u]

Well, I'm just back from Christmas holidays to uni. I dunno... I just feel like I still haven't built any proper friendships. People around me are arranging to move in together next year etc because they are becoming friends, and I just don't have that kind of relationship with anyone. It's one of those feelings where you're just like "would anyone actually miss me if I wasn't here?"

I suppose I wish I was like my friend (he's male, I'm female). Whenever he goes to courses, he doesn't actually even go with the intention of socialising, but people automatically like him. EVERY girl fancies him when he goes to these things, and people want to hang around with him, and I just don't know how he does it so effortlessly. I think it's because he's so unique and so self-sufficient. Even if he's like "Nah, I don't want to go out" etc, people are always like "No! Please come!" and I'm just so jealous of him at the moment. I want to be like him.

I just keep worrying about how alone I feel compared to how it seems everyone around me does. Not really a question, I just really feel I need to open up about it.

[Naomicorlett]

Ah sweetie hang on in there we all feel like that sometimes. It will all come together for you.

[lovefoolb4u]

Thank you, I do really appreciate it, but people always say that and at this point I just find it so hard to believe that anything will ever change. I don't feel like I have a connection with anyone at all. They're all just obsessed with getting drunk.

[Velvetee]

Well some people are like that, they can click with others on all levels. I'm similar to you and although I make conversation with my work colleagues, I don't really get close to any of them. Most just aren't "my type". They also all seem to be obsessed with getting drunk and that just isn't my thing.

I don't know what the solution is, it's never easy to make real friends, unless you have common traits and at places like University, it tends to be the drinking and party scene.

Are there any groups or clubs which interest you, where you could meet others? Don't worry too much, as everyone is different and you can't be expected to like or gel with everyone you meet.

[lovefoolb4u]

No; I did plan to, but I just don't have time to go to clubs.

The thing is, the friend I mentioned doesn't really connect with people, they just really like him as soon as they see him.

I really don't want to go through the next few years just having passing conversation to fill the silence with these people, but I feel like I'm asking for too much. I always try to smile but sometimes I just feel like I look moody!

[jno]

that's a tough friend to have! You could try asking other people exactly what it is about him that they find so appealing; but it may be that he is just one of those lucky people loaded with charisma (or money or Brad Pitt looks or something). But most people don't have it that easy; all except the very self-confident ones are probably closer to you than him in termperament.

So, two things you can do. One is get used to it. You're the quiet sort, you don't go out every night, you have other things to do than just socialise. Plenty of people are like this; it's nothing shameful.

If that doesn't appeal (and I'm guessing it doesn't or you wouldn't have asked this Q), then you have to really make an effort. Force yourself to chat to strangers. Don't talk abut yourself, talk about them. Take an interest in their interests. Ask them where they come from, what they're studying, how they like life at uni, what they did in their holidays, what clubs they belong to, anything.

And maybe don't seequite so much of your popular friend if he's making you envious. If you can catch a ride in the slipstream of his popularity, fine; but if it's making you feel worse rather than better, perhaps strike out on your own a bit.

[Ice.Maiden]

Agree with jno.
My eldest son's going to be like your friend, and he's only just eleven! He only has to walk into the school playground, and he's surrounded by pals. They all want him in their football team, to hang out with after school, etc., etc., and yet it's not because he's loud or particularly amazing up to date - although he has a killer smile which all the young girls like already!!
Don't try to copy your friend. Just be confident enough to be yourself. As jno says - be a good listener, and if any social activities are going off that you'd like to join in with - ask if you can go as well! Good luck.