Rare "man discussing feelings" alert!

[littleoldme]

I feel like a teenager for asking this, but here we go. Last October I met this young woman on a training course that we both attend once a week. I immediately felt an attraction to her although there is something of an age gap (I'm 40, she's 25). She's been seeing someone else since last summer - I don't know how serious it is as she's not the sort to broadcast her private life to all and sundry. That should have put me off, of course, and normally would have done, but as the weeks have gone by and I've got to know her personality, my attraction to her has grown. Suffice it to say, "behaving myself" and keeping my mouth shut - which I only do out of respect for the fact that she is seeing someone - is becoming more and more difficult. We get on very well, laugh a lot together, have similar musical tastes etc. She is just the type I go for, both in looks and character.

So, do I make a serious confession and risk putting a strain on our friendship, do I mention something casually in passing and risk sounding flippant, or do I continue to keep quiet and risk missing out on any chance I may have (I may not have one, of course)? Whichever I choose, if I get it wrong, I'm going to regret it. Help me out, agony aunts and uncles!

[saintjohnny]

The age gap doesn't matter - you're both adults.

I would say two things (and as you don't know me from a bar of soap I can be frank):

Don't worry about your "friendship" any longer because there won't be one - not properly at any rate. You have developed genuine feelings for this woman and as long as they go unaddressed, you will not really be able to go back to a pleasant chat over tea and biscuits, no matter what the magazines / films / advice columns might say. Sure, you might be able to maintain the illusion of a "friendship" but it won't be real.

Secondly, regarding making a confession, it's better to regret something you have done rather than something you haven't. I say tell her. What's the worst that could happen?

All that said, workplace romances are not a great idea in my experience, but if you think it's the real deal, then why not?