why am i like this?

[skyla002]

Why am i like this?
Whenever a older man say around late 30s to 40s trys to help me out with anything, i always end up sexually attracted to them and end up sleeping or kissing them, why does this happen?
My best mates dad was like a dad 2 me but then i started to have feelings for him and we had an affair but it stopped because i moved away. My boss was always there for me could talk to him about anything and helped me through alot, same thing happpend.
A close police man friend helped me through alot and know im sexually attracted to him, and theres been quite a few others.
do you think maybe its because when i was 13 my youth leader who i was really close to started touchig me and we had an affair?
Also i got my heart broken terribly by a bf when i was 16 and never been able to have a relationship thats lasted longer then a month now.
Also suffered severe depression.
im now 19
Why am i like this??

[daniela31]

Do you feel sexually ignorant? You sound like you want someone to show you how to have sex without all the usual fumblings of a young man who doesn't know what to do.
You should have reported your youth leader as you were under age, and he sounds like a pervert. Is he still a youth leader? If he is report him now!

[skyla002]

the youth leader was only 23 at the time and yeah i did end up telling my parents about it but the church forgave him and so did his wife, i moved away from the town though now, couldnt handle the shame, the hole church hated me for it.

[flogginmelog]

well at least you are getting some

[daniela31]

well it sounds like you were the main instigator there. Which is probably your problem. If you throw yourself at men and give out vibes that you want to have sex with them, most men will take advantage. You are offering it on a plate. You shouldn't be doing this, it is degrading to you.
Get to know someone first, go to places where people of your own age are, be friends for a few weeks before giving them signals that you are desparate for a shag.

[flogginmelog]

are you desperate?

[skyla002]

im not desperate for a shag!! grr dont even bother anwering if your going to be mean

[skyla002]

How could i have been the main instigator when i was 13!!?? this was a guy i trusted who took advantage of it

[flogginmelog]

yeh daniela31 shut up

[daniela31]

ok.
Good luck with that then.

[lil123]

It may be helpful for you to access some counseling as I kept going for men who used me and treat me like dirt.
Through counseling I was able to recongnise why I kept doing this.
Now I seem to be more aware of it and if I feel it's happening in a relationship I am able to end it.
It sounds like you have been through a lot but need some help to break the pattern and to be able to move on with your life,
Good luck xx

[MyJolly]

Sounds to me you have some issues with your Father to deal with as you seem to be searching for a replacement for him. My advice is to look deep inside to try and figure out why you seem to relate a father figure with sex. Also it seems the church is or was big in your life when you were at home so it's no wonder you are screwed up. My advice is to give up all men for a while and spend some time appreciating the pleasure of your own company and self worth.

[bantingm]

sykla, i was exaclty the same, and still a little bit now. i had a two year relationship with someone in a position of authority over me from the age of 16. he was 49. it actualyl started properly when i was 14 but not sexually. i have written about it previously on here. im not sure why im like it really. i now have a very stable boyfriend who is ten years older then me, i still often find older men on tele very intreguing and i cant owrk out why...

i know how you feel though, i do wonder whether the person that took advantage of my youth and innocence is the cause of my problems.

xx

[claraman]

Seems to me like you're searching for someone that will care for and protect you. You will not find this in someone that will jump into bed with you at the first available opportunity. In order to find someone that will have some kind of respect for you, you have to let them see that you have respect for yourself first. You've definately got underlying issues that need to be addressed so going for some professional help is strongly advised. At least you know that you have a problem otherwise you wouldn't be asking for help. Thats always the first steps to recovery and some kind of normality so you're on the right road. Just going in that direction and things will begin to look up for you.

[joko]

i agree with the father figure theory - it seems you want an older man to lookafter you - because perhaps you feel that from an early age you werent really looked after properly.
also you know that the only way to get these men to 'care' for you is by offering them sex

of course it could just be that you are horny and just so happen to fancy older looking men...

[Ice.Maiden]

Hi skyla. What comes through in your post, is that people were there to listen to you and help you through your "problems". Do you have low confidence and self esteem? I ask that, because by the way you go from one person to the next, you could be using sex as a form of being loved/wanted/needed, whereas, in fact, you're just allowing yourself to be used. Are you getting help with your depression hun, and do you have any friends of your own age who you can hang out with and have fun? I just think you need to look inside yourself, because we all have the option of whether to flit from person to person, and you're worth more than that.

[gonzo00]

lol!..do you need any work done around the house??..drains cleared..windows washed..painting and decorating???
ps. i'm 38 ;0) ;0)