2nd date staying over

[dulcie12]

I went on a date with this guy for the first time laste week, tomorrow after going to see his friends he is coming over to watch a DVD. We have established that he is bringing his toothbrush but I don't know what I should do about sleeping arrangements.

Speaking to some of the ladies at work they said share my bed (just to sleep of course) but I am not so sure. I can't quite grasp hold of what he would like.

In a email I said "I don't mind what time you come over, I am easy", jokingly in response he said "I hope not I like a challenge", to which I said "I am defo not easy I am a bit old fashioned". His was response was "good I too am quite old fashioned."

I don't want to propose sleeping in my room if it's toally not on his cards and he is really old fashioned but I don't want to show him to the spare room and give the impression I am not interested. What do I do?

As previosly mentioned I defintely will not be "sleeping" with him.

Thanks

[sara3]

do you have a spare room? a sofa?

[dulcie12]

Yea a spare single bed, mines a double lol x

[123everton]

it's your home, if you're uncomfortable, tell him to go home, it's your roof don't allow yourself to be pushed around in your own home.
If it's for real, if the relationship has got legs he'll not only accept your decision, he'll respect your decision.
You hardly know him.
The cheeky b@st@rd.

[sara3]

then he goes in the spare room, but why he's assumed he can stay is beyond me.

and you seem to have just gone along with it.

[dulcie12]

No I honestly don't think he is taking the pi#s, he is a really nice, philosophical kinda guy and deep down I know its all innocent and he isn't that type of guy. I just don't want that awkward situation come bedtime so wanted to see what you guys recommend.

Asking some of the ladies at work wasn't the best idea as their idea of an ideal FIRST date is sleeping together. I am more private and won't have sex with anyone I am not in a relationsip with but sharing a bed is something different , or is it?

[sara3]

if you're questioning it, it's obviously not right for you. tell him asap that he will def be in the spare room, and no losing his way in the night! seriously.. he thinks he's on a semi-green light.

[Therema]

Obviously he knows he is staying so after watching the DVD have a chat and let him know your quite happy for him to stay as decided, but you'd like to know by what he meant by being *old fashioned*, then you both can decide where you go from there, I know its gonna be a bit embarassing but better get it over with at the start so it can be all sorted out and everyone knows where they stand :)

[Velvetee]

I think you need to make things clear to him, how you want things to progress. I think many men would assume staying over means, to put it crudely, "leg over".

I wouldn't allow him to sleep over, if I were looking to take things slowly. He maybe nice, but to be honest, you went out with him once. Obviously I don't know you Dulcie, but things can have a habit of taking a different turn, when it's not how you planned it.

[welshlibranr]

Ytell him that s, explain that it's early days in the relationship, and that you both need to see how things pan out, and that he's in the spare room, but hey it's a freebie he doesn't need to pay for a taxi!

[Ice.Maiden]

I totally agree with Velvetee here.
To be asked to stay over, after having been out with him just once before, he's bound to get ideas into his head.
Entirely up to you, but if you want to hang onto this guy - make him wait - for several more dates. It works!

[tamborine]

U dont know him well.....s'pose he jumps u while ur asleep or worse, invites his mates over for a gang-bang. He could steal your 'puter/money/valueables. He could give you aids. Rub cocaine in ur mouth while u sleep. Drug your cocoa.......huge risk you're taking.

Hope you're not mentioned on Crime watch next week.

Ur too trusting and being silly - don't be in when he calls.

[mrs.chappie]

Evening All!

Dulcie, I know things have changed an awful lot since my courting days, but here's my take on this.

If you think you can invite your date to share your bed just to sleep, you are kidding yourself. Doesn't matter how nice he is, he is a normal, red-blooded man. IMO, it would not be fair, nor would it be realistic, to expect this of him.

[ELVIS68]

Just let him know that the only oral satisfaction he`ll be getting is with his toothbrush!

[sara3]

Elvis, you charmer ;o)

[poltergeist]

im having a egg mc muffin. yummy! good luck dulcie :)

[legendis.god]

If you dont know what you want , then its hardly surprising he doesnt know.

Try a novel approach.

Be honest with him.
May throw him off balance but if he likes you then im sure he will understand.


Not difficult and saves any misunderstanding by any of you.


� HOPE THAT HELPS ?

[brenda]

You need to exercise some caution in this situation,as others have suggested.He may be telling youwhat you want to hear in saying that he's an old fashioned guy.

You don't know this man, he may be extremely experienced when it comes to bedding women.
Just be careful, if it doesn't feel right for you , then don't do it.
If he really wants an extended relationship with you he will understand the rules you set, if not then you have lost nothing.
After all it is your home, your bed , and you ,all on a plate at the moment for him.
Please think carefully and be very very careful.
BX

[ummmm]

I shared my bed with my boyfriend for ages before anything happened. He respected that I didn't want to and didn't try anything. Always a good sign in my opinion.