I have done an awful thing.....

[MsJackBauer]

(Besides posting this in body and soul,) I have never ever felt the need to look at my partners mobile phone, but today I did.

Views please on wether I should be worried that he has saved a text message on his phone from a lady he spent time with in New Zealand back in January 2006. This was a trip he took with other people but I know he spent a lot of time with this lady. She lives in NZ and the text message was saying that she "enjoyed his company too and there will always be a place here for him to stay."

I have never been the jealous or suspicious type but curiosity got the better of me and now I feel really stupid.

[middkazsam]

i thinks sometimes we women get a little paranoid over nothing im sure he loves and and if went through ur mobile u would prob find an inicent message that could be taken the wrong way by your partner hes still here with you thats all that counts he may have a message but he not in nz with her

[middkazsam]

good answer zac

[crazycathy2]

Depends how you define worried?

Are you thinking along the lines that he has maybe been unfaithful? Or you think he is going to pack up and go and live with her?

Before you found the message were you uneasy about this lady?He obviously must have spoken about her for you to know he spent a lot of time with her.

[rinkins]

What made you look?

[sandmaster]

Zac is right. If it was a bloke you wouldn't worry. It is possible for the opposite sex to be friends. I am in touch with a few friends from my past, some male some female. But I've never had an affair.
Anyway as Zac says, she's a long way away.

[mandimoo]

i would not be able to resist dropping hints about fancying a holiday in NZ, moan about the cost, say its a shame niether of you have family there for a cheap stay. see what his re-action is.... if he says 'miss x' says we can stay with her any time... then you do not need to worry in the slightest., and ive just had another thought....were you his girlfriend when he went?

[MsJackBauer]

Thanks for replying.

Yes she is the other side of the world, he didn't say much about her when he got back but through other sources I know that they spent time together on their own. So I guess I felt uneasy then. I don't know if he was unfaithful and I may never know.

I looked because he has had a lot of texts from an old female friend who wants to go out for a drink, I know this as my daughter read it when it came through. my partner couldn't exactly refuse.

I'm sure he wouldn't live over there as he is close to his family and wouldn't leave them.

[MsJackBauer]

Mandimoo....Yes I was his Girlfriend when he went. He was out there for a month.

I like your idea but I think for now I really need to think about what I will or will not say. I am terrible for letting things get to me.

[MsJackBauer]

Also, it wasn't in his inbox, it ws in the saved messages box, I think that has also got me thinking.

[crazycathy2]

You can't help how you feel though.

I'd be thinking what will it achieve if I say or don't say something? Yes it might bring it out into the open but if you say nothing how will that make you feel inside.

How he is towards you though? Could just be a mild flirtation or even just an attraction. I'm married and I love my hubby to bits but sometimes you do someone you're attracted to, would never let anything happen but can still enjoy looking/talking to them.

Like window shopping.

[MsJackBauer]

Thanks crazycathy2..I was thinking the exact thing. Is it worth saying anything or not or will I just keep stewing over it.

It will teach me for looking if nothing else. What you don't know won't hurt you as they say.

[sandmaster]

This is obviously eating away at you. Perhaps it will be best to bring it into the open - but don't show jealousy. Problem is how do you approach the subject when you are not supposed to know?

[ummmm]

Are you happy in your relationship?

Does he appear happy?

If so, don't worry

[MsJackBauer]

Well that is a problem sandmaster. If I say something he will surely know that I have looked and that would really put a wedge between us I think.

There is no other way, except like mandimoo says, dropping some hints now and again.

[sqad617]

"Sounds innocent enough to me and after all she is on the other side of the world. "


Eh! zac???

[craft1948]

how's your partner

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Bauer

[paraffin]

You have unfortunately opened up a can of worms and it'll eat away at you unless you have the courage to ask him about it.

Otherwise you may end up resenting him for this and meanwhile you'll continue to have nagging doubts about his fidelity, because that's what this is all about?

If he values your relationship he should have the good grace to at least give you an explanation. Then, if he does, the ball's in your court as how best to proceed afterwards.

[China Doll]

Sounds like a nice message from an old friend. One of my best mates keeps a message from me which he looks at when he's feeling low apparently and cheers him up. Probably says something like 'you've always got me' or some such thing but it's an entirely innocent message.

[MsJackBauer]

Hi Ummmmm....We have been through a lot this past year. I had a major back operation which obviously effected our love life and to a point ,still does. I guess thinking about it, we are caught in a rut at the moment.

He goes away a lot which then means his step-daughter and I do not spend much time with him as it is always in holiday time that he goes due to the nature of it. We don't get to go away as a family as we can never get the time off together...oh dear, lots of things not right when I think more about it.