What do you make of this?

[Velvetee]

I posted in this section several days ago "Can this relationship be saved" and would be grateful for opinions on this next chapter.

Things with my partner are still rocky, we were supposed to be getting married next Friday, but that is no longer going to happen. Anyway, I've still been feeling uncomfortable about him and on Sunday evening heard him typing away frantically, I knew he was on Facebook typing to someone, so logged onto his account.

He was having a messenger conversation with a woman who works as his Admin assistant, I believe he also looks on here as a confidante and shoulder to cry on. I was utterly incesnsed to read "I'm only now staying with her because she's pregnant" and "If she doesn't change I'll carry on behind her back".

I was so upset and we had strong words, he ended up staying at his mum's and I was left alone. I started experiencing abdominal pains soon after he left and ended up calling him at 5am Monday morning and went to the hospital. They said baby was ok, gave me pain killers and sent me home, but I returned the next day with similar pains again.

[gossipgirl]

i think deep down you know the answers already but i can understand why you need to hear from him because ive been there myself. The fact that hes see's your distress and still doesnt give you them suggests that he knows hes backed into a corner and he cant get out of this now so he defers the situation and makes out your the one with the problem, sorry to say but thats a classic sign that hes done something, but i think deep down you know that too. hes saying that hes only with you because of the baby, do you really want this? you deserve more than that! The way i see it is and i hope you dont think im being harsh is that hes left you twice in a week, hes lying to you, hes buying gifts for a unknown person, hes making you ill with the stress and putting your child at risk, messaging another woman, and has said hes only with you because your pregnant. By the sound of things its already over. Could it be hes behaving like this because he wants YOU to end it so that he can walk away without the guilt? Have you tried speaking to his mother for advice afterall if hes running home to mammy all the time he might have confided in her. Your child needs happy parents, is it really fair to bring it into this environments? I think you have to ask yourself, is this what you want for you and your baby? good luck velvetee xxx thinking of you

[bednobs]

i also read your post with my mouth open "i'm only staying with her because shes pregnant"!!!
So this means he would have split with you by now save the baby. And it sounds like you would have split with him

[lil75]

I have to agree with gossipgirl, I apologise to you if I sounded harsh, but its the truth, and it really made me angry to read about it, you are worth so much more than what he is offering you, and I cant see how you get some sort of pleasure about finding out things about him, I think the truth is, your happy to discover that he cant get away with pulling the wool over your eyes, and presenting him with what you have found as a way of showing him that he cant get away with it, almost as if you now have the upper hand....this really isnt no good for you at all x

[brenda]

Velvetee----agree with all the other posters---am concerned for you as we all are.Just a thought tho----you are posting on here late at night, please be careful you do not get over tired ,are able to get some rest in the day?

Just take care of yourselves physically during this rotten time.
Bx

[brenda]

Sorry --that should be are you able etc.

[condom]

Hi velvetee. i hope you are coping ok with the loss of your mother on mothers day. personally i dont think its really hit me yet. having good and bad days.....

regards to your guy. well I mean living with a hormaonal woman is one thing but living with a hormonal woman and not having sex is off the scale. if he is such a caring and nice guy cant you take 15 minutes every couple of days and give him oral sex? (dont wantto be rude here)

this way he feels like you love him and he will not be looking elsewhere.... i can pretty much guarantee you it willwork.

[WiseOldSage]

I can't begin to imagine what you are going through at the moment - I think it would be like a nail through my heart finding that sort of thing when I was pregnant. I still have real nightmares about my ex husband and even now, however many years on, I still can't believe how he turned my life upside down. Our problems really started when I got pregnant - or should I say surfaced - the guy was a pathogical liar first class. I expect I was hormonal and paranoid (and it was proved I had good reason to after he left). He was always attentive and treated me like the proverbial queen but it covered up a multitude of sins (money worries, cruising on the internet for a quick bonk, court cases, CSA cases, child access cases).

I know your Mum isn't around now but enlist the help and support of friends and family. I would have been dead now if it hadn't have been for my Dad's sister and my own sister and her husband. My ex left me when our daughter was seven months old and two days after I was diagnosed with PND and he said he couldn't cope!!!!

I felt he had wasted so much of my time with my daughter because of the issues we had and I ended up concentrating on.

Your guy has to face up to his responsibilities as a father (as the saying goes any idiot can be a father!). But I think you have to have him out of your life (at least for the time being).

Please don't make yourself ill with this - you only have a few weeks to go. He is the one with the problems not you - whether you are different or not he has to accept what comes with being pregnant - good and bad.

Have a good cry, a long bath and think about what you have - and will always have - waiting to pop into your life. Don't let him take those moments away because he is selfish or confused or immature.

Good luck!

[caththecrazy]

Velvetee no advice really just want to say thinking of you.

Only you know how you feel and I can't imagine what you are going through. Hope it works out for you. As soon as you have the baby in your arms you'll feel so different.

Take care

Cathy xx