What would you do?

[CAJ1]

I was fostered when I was younger and my only family is my younger brother and the lady who fostered me who I saw as my mum. I live miles away from them and haven't seen them for years but do keep in contact. I spent 5 years with a violent ex who continually told me no one wanted me and kept me from going out so I don't have many good friends.
I have emailed (several times) both my brother and the lady who fostered me and neither of them have bothered replying. Its making me feel like absolute sh*t and something in my head is telling me my ex was right, no one does want me or care enough to even send an email. I have my boyfriend but I am aware if he ever left me I would have no one in this world to give a monkeys about me. I am feeling quite vunerable and upset after managing so well for the last 2 years. My boyfriend has been very understanding about it all but has said that what I do is up to me so what are your opinions...

Should I keep in contact with them as they are all I have or just cut them off completely as I can't deal with being hurt anymore?

[ummmm]

Can't you phone them? Or send a text?

[ummmm]

I'm saying that as I rarely read my emails......

[No,Knowledge]

Knowing what other people would do can not possibly help you.
Do what you feel is right for you.

[CAJ1]

That doesn't work either. They rarely reply to texts or answer my calls. I know they read the emails too as I get read receipts

[sara3]

CAJ1, my family are pretty crap, so I know where you're coming from. you have to do whatever feels right for you. you don't have to make a grand gesture of cutting them off, but if I were you I'd leave them be. what you probably should do is look at ways of increasing your circle of friends.

if your boyfriend is the only one in your life, that's a lot of pressure for him. you really have to be brave and get out there. do new things, meet new people, look for new interests. do you work? don't expect every situation to produce great friends, but you just may find some nice people along the way.

I wish you luck and really, it's not you x

[CAJ1]

I guess that's true No,Knowledge.

Thanks Sara, that has helped. I do have a few good friends now but its not the same as having people that love you like family/partner would do. I've never told my boyfriend how I feel as I don't want him feeling that pressure but he maybe knows! Yes, I work and this is how I know most of the people who are my friends. I will maybe leave the ball in their court and if they want to contact me then they can x

[langara]

People do change E-Mail addresses, are you sure you have the right one. When I was in the Air Force I shared a room with a girl brought up in a children's home, she had no-one in the world, and on leave went back to the children's home to see them, after one trip she brought me back a present as she said she had never had anyone to buy for before, how sad is that, being in the Air Force she soon made loads of friends and eventually met someone and married. I'm not saying you should join up but there are people out there who care, don't waste your life regretting what might have been. Good luck to you.

[CAJ1]

My boyfriend is in the RAF langara :o)
I'm the same as that girl, I buy presents for the whole of his family at christmas and birthdays and if I go away as its so nice to have people to buy for. I love being part of his family circle but am terrified everything will get taken away from me again. I'm pretty sure I do have the right email addresses and feel if they did change them and cared they should have given me the new addresses.

[langara]

Stick with your boyfriend CAJI. If you eventually marry or even if you don't, the RAF is your extended family, my husband has just left the RAF after 34 yrs and we had such a good life, many seperations, but you get on with life and when they come home it's wonderful. We made so many good friends and have such wonderful memories. Keep your chin up, and remember it's their loss not yours.

[CAJ1]

Do you think I should say to my boyfriend how I feel so he understands a bit better? He's just back from Iraq, I don't know if him being away kind of contributed to how I'm feeling now. Thanks for all your help, I feel a wee bit better :o)

[marval]

If you have their address, I would suggest writing them a letter. You could tell them how you feel, it would be a shame to totally loose contact. If then you hear nothing, get on with your life. But if anyone tells you nobody wants you, don't believe them. Do try to keep the door open, they are the only family you have.

Good luck, hope you feel more positive soon.

[CAJ1]

I think if I write and they don't bother to say anything, I'll end up getting upset again marval. I still haven't decided what to do but think I'm swaying towards leaving it to them to contact me. I've thought all morning and I do want to keep that door open but not if no one else bothers and it causes me heartache. I normally never feel so rubbish that I think no one cares, I guess it goes to show how much this is effecting me

[yogi.bear]

Oh CAJ, sweetheart......no wonder you've been miserable....listen first thing is that there is LOADS of great advice here from people so i won't repeat what they said but i will say that it is NOT your fault as you've done everything and continue to do everything you can to bring your brother and your foster mum closer to you.
It is their choice and a stubborn one, may i say, and as said, their loss as they would get to know a really lovely, sincere, genuine person in you that just wants to be loved.
And you are by your very wonderful sounding, and may i say, very lucky boyfriend, to have you as his girlfriend!!

I do hope you stay together forever and it would be nice if you can get to meet new friends and make some real close attachments to help you feel that you are so special.

You are special,Caj and dont let anyone ever tell you otherwise.
( oooh,if i was'nt married and you did'nt have a lovely b/f!!!)

Best of luck and know you've done all you can ........if you decide to stop contacting them you'll know you've done just that!

Lots Of Love to you, sweetheart....always
xxx

Ian xxx

[CAJ1]

You made me cry and smile Ian! Thank you so much. I think given a few days I'll be right as rain again. I wish I could meet all the nice people on here, I would do fine then! I really do hope we stay together forever too and when the day comes for having our own family maybe I'll feel like I belong again in the meantime, I am going to keep telling myself I'm special (because all of you's can't be wrong lol!). Oh and Ian, one day when I marry I'll need someone to walk me down the aisle... xxx

Thank you for all being so nice xxx

[yogi.bear]

Caj

You've choked me up slightly as well, you rotter ( But lovely really!!)
You say such lovely things and believe me,honey........you are a right catch!!

I wish i can be near you to give you a big encouraging bear hug! ((((((((((((((((((caj)))))))))))))))))))

I would tell your lovely boyfriend so he can understand how exactly you feel, and he will!

Whatever you decide to do, it will be the right decision as you have that special quality that some people just dont have.....and that's, you are a very special person.

Oh yes.....I am honoured with that comment, and if you need me.......just call....i'll find 'ya xxxxx

Now cheer up, sweetheart, or i'll come over and sort you out!! xxx

:0)))

[sandmaster]

I feel for you Caj. My only advice is that 'family' is permanent, friends can come and go. Just try and foster your relationship with your brother and foster mum. I am sure it will pay dividends. In the meantime - good luck with the rest of your life.

[CAJ1]

I am lucky to know people like you who can pick me up when I'm down and cheer me up. You could have all the family in the world but no one that could do that. You've given me a wee boost and made me feel better :o)

Tonight I am going to get my dinner (which my boyfriend is cooking), go out on a bike ride and get a bit of fresh air, have a hot bath, watch the Apprentice, then get an early night and tomorrow will be a new day :o)

Thats the smiles back on my face now (even though they're wee ones, they're still there) :o))) xxx

[CAJ1]

Thanks sandmaster. I think I am going to leave it a while until I'm feeling a bit better and then see where it goes, they'll always know where I am if they need me.

[yogi.bear]

I'm so glad, Caj ..................xxx

Enjoy your lovely evening, and your dinner too( always nice when cooked by someone else!)

and " The Apprentice" with my cousin, "nookie bear" - Alan Sugar is a dead ringer!

I will of course, be cheering on Arsenal in their game with Man Utd, so give us a thought from time to time

Lots of love to you sweetheart.

and will chat to you soon.

Ian xxxx

[yogi.bear]

btw oh i forgot, honey......:0)))))))))) back at 'cha xxxxxxxx