What happens at a Relate session?

[Velvetee]

Has anyone been to Relate for relationship counselling? If so, what happens, does the counsellor ask specific questions or do they just allow you to talk?

[Buenchico]

My qualifications and experience in counselling relate to working with young people in schools. However, I'd assume that the basic principles are the same in that the counsellor's role is (at least initially) largely to enable their clients' to focus their thoughts, and to express them.

That might mean asking certain questions, but only when they're needed to help the participants to 'home in' on what it is that they're really seeking and the best ways to achieve their goals.

This might be relevant:
http://www.relate.org.uk/aboutus/faqs/FAQ_476. html
and possibly this:
http://www.relate.org.uk/aboutus/faqs/FAQ_486. html

You might find further relevant information among the links here:
http://www.relate.org.uk/aboutus/faqs/

Chris

[Ice.Maiden]

Talking to friends who know you both well'd be more beneficial Velvetee - and cheaper!

Chris - you should've been a teacher at our school then. If you had probs - yoiu were expected to deal with them. : (

[Velvetee]

Thanks Buenchico, I'll look at the links.

Ice, it's my partner who booked himself into Relate, after his recent irrational antics, but we've been told it will only be beneficial if we both attend. He has been to two sessions alone and I have one alone on Monday, then supposedly we attend together.

He's paying, so if it's a waste of money, guess it's his loss. I think he needs some kind of professional help though, Psychologist might be more useful!

[andy-hughes]

Ice.Maiden - talking to friends is indeed cheaper, but a very dsifferent circumstance to a counselling session.

Counsellors are trained to listen and interperet what they hey hear and see, and they can then address the core issues and deal with them in a structured way.

Because they centre on the painful issues involved, counselling sessions by definition are difficult, but worth it if they reach a solution for the people involved.

I have never been to Relate, but I do know the basic concepts of counselling, and although they counsellor will allow an element of 'venting', they will quickly assess the reasons for the issues at hand, and start working to correct the problems they create.

Be honest, open up, and take some tissues with you.

[China Doll]

I've been to a joint one. You're basically asked questions, given time to both talk and obviously discuss any disagreements. Sometimes they give you exercises to do as well, family charts etc.. depends on the type of problem I would imagine. I think some of it initially is assessing whether the couple in question stand a rat in hells change of sorting things out.

I only had to go to a few as the issues were not exactly mine but obviously had an impact one me and our relationship. My then boyfriend had to go for a fair bit longer. Personally I think it might do you some good too with what you've said on here about your relationship.

Don't go in with a closed mind if the ideal solution for you is to have a happy future with your partner and child. You never know, might be good.

Take care.

[Velvetee]

Thanks Andy and China. I had a session on my own today, my partner has so far had two on his own. He waited in the car outside and was worried I'd come out in a foul mood and be very upset and even more bitter, but I have to say, I left the session feeling much better. I really enjoyed speaking to someone impartial for an hour.

Ice I've spoken to many friends about my recent problems and whilst it's nice to feel I have someone on my side, only one friend was impartial and didn't berate my partner, telling me to dump him, calling him this name and that, which only aids in fueling the resentment.

The counsellor listened and made notes and allowed me to express my feelings and then at the end gave her opinion, which I thought was spot on. We will start having sessions together next week, so I'm hoping it will help us to move things forwards and help me to forgive.

[Ice.Maiden]

Glad you found it of benefit Velvetee - and thank you Andy.

I've never been to Relate, and I'm not a qualified counsellor, but I HAVE been on a course, as well as studied psychology.

I think Relate are able to help many couples to open up about their probelms and expectations, but it's just a personal opinion that being able to communicate well with your partner is half the battle, and if you have good - but impartial friends - I sometimes think that it can help to discuss matters (if both sides are prepared to listen), and perhaps see where a fault or lack of understanding lies.

Hope you both get sorted out Velvetee.

[lynbrown]

We went to Relate and it didnt help much but that was because I was not totally honest. I kept stuff hidden. So, if you do go, be honest or dont bother.
We did work it out in the end however.

[Velvetee]

Glad you sorted things out Lyn. I intend to be honest and hope my partner will be too, however, he hasn't been honest with me over the past couple of months and has only confessed to certain things after I've confronted him with evidence, but I agree, honesty is necessary for these Relate sessions to be of use.