I have officially dumped him

[angel21]

I feel painfully sad :(

[Bbbananas]

I think you would benefit from taking to someone professional angel - a counsellor or someone.

[rinkins]

I agree with salla angel, talk to someone. It will help you focus and move forward x

[God'sChild]

I wish I was strong as u....best wishes

[angel21]

I am going to get more counselling definitely. I am sorting myself out. I have a hypnotherapy session booked for Sat. So I'm sorting my personal issues out.

Its just the whole being unsure of ex issue.

Ok last bit then I'll give you all a break for a while

He also said that he didn't kiss anyone while we were apart for 18 months then I found that pair of knickers and he said it was from when we were apart. More of a kiss there then I think.

So he lied about that.

He also said to me he hadn't been anywhere to get any STI's and that is obviously false if he slept with people while we were apart yet he doesn't use a condom

So I have to get myself checked now.

Same with when I got pregnant he didn't want a child yet wouldn't use a comdom. Maybe he was just trusting me to sort contraception for myself. Is this normal of a man?

Then theres the thing of I want a better standard of living than he has. He doesn't have much. His council house has been half done for the 4 years I've known him and he doesn't have a steady job at his age and I want someone who can provide for me but then I never asked him if he was happy with his flat like it was - perhaps he was expecting me to put a womens touch to it and make it nicer but then we couldn't without the money anyway but maye he would have been willing to change that.

I want a home I can be proud of and nice things - perhaps thats materialistic and if I wasn't so materialistic perhaps I would be happier - it is a bad thing materialism - I could have sacrificed this maybe.

But I didn't tell him thats how I felt from day one. I didn't care about the state of his house and living conditions - I just wanted to be with him no matter what and then years down the line I feel I should have told him

[jno]

Like did he cheat or didn't he - cus he said he did and then he said he didn't and he said to me that he hadn't kissed a girl since we been apart but then he said that the knickers I found were from when we were apart.

So he has lied but I forgot to tell him that reason.

Sounds like he's cheating on you and lying to you. Isn't that enough reason? Whether you mentioned it to him or not doesn't matter. This isn't going to come up before an employment tribunal, you don't have to follow approved procedures. You can leave him for any reason at all - andi t sounds as if you have plenty - and you don't have to tell him a thing.

[CAJ1]

Where would you like to be in 5 years time angel?

[Bbbananas]

I'm not sure about the hypnotherapy angel.
But counselling with a bona fide counsellor, say via your GP, would be more beneficial. Don't just look one up in the phone book - go to your surgery and ask to see a member of a community mental health team (don't be put off by the word 'mental' - it's just the deparmtent title).

[angel21]

Well in 5 years time I would like to be confident, self assured, have self respect, feel totally 100% comfortable with me. I want good relationships (not talking just about bf's but I mean I need some good girl friends). Deep meaningful relationships with like minded people. I want to have interests and be good at things.

I want to move forward in my career, find something I really enjoy and earn good money and be moved out of my shared house.

I want the right man (don't know who that is - could be ex but perhaps not) to have children with in a nice home by the time I am 30. I want to be able to afford things and not be strapped for cash and to be able to have a holiday each year.

Thats about it I think.

Jno - Theres also the thing about him ageing - maybe he starts to look too old for me. Should I have told him that too. But then I love him and I don't know if I am meant to be with someone younger. I might be meant to be with an older man. I do feel like we were on the same level maturity wise.

[redcrx]

how old is this guy?

[angel21]

I really want kids one day right, but then sometimes in bad times like now I think I don't know if its right to bring a child into this world where bad things happen like this?

Times like these I wonder why would anyone want to bring a child into this world who will have to go through the same painful processes. Isn't it a tad selfish? Guess thats another topic really though.

I'm not criticising people who have children - its prob just my frame of mind cus of course there are good things in life.

[angel21]

he's 41 I'm 21 redcrx

[CAJ1]

Ok, maybe today you should plan out how you are going to achieve these things. It would give you something to work towards and focus on. You could also make a list of pro's and con's about your ex and see that you are better off without him. He seems to not have the drive that you have for a better life with nice things etc, so maybe you weren't compatible anyway. If you stayed with him, in 5 years you won't have acheived these things and will hate yourself more and resent him for holding you back. Leave the past behind and concentrate on the future, you can do it and will be so proud of yourself when you have achieved the things you want. You'll have gone so much further and your ex will probably still be sat in his half decorated house with nothing nice in it. Prove to him that your better than he thinks and be proud of yourself. This is your fresh start and it will be what you make it x

[angel21]

I don't want to sound snobby. In a way his lifestyle isn't bad. They do say non materialistic people are happier. I might just be one of these people who will never feel she has enough.

Thanks so much everyone for your support. I feel so bad but god knows where I would be if I didn't have u lot to talk to.

xxxx

I'm off to post on some other topics as I don't know what else to say right now other than I feel sad.

xxxx

[4getmenot]

As I have said before the night I said goodbye to my ex was one of the hardest things I have done but one of the best. You will be fine, you already have it in your head the right things to do. But most of all be happy in yourself. Well done, just dont look back. xx

[angel21]

Were you 100% certain it was the right thing though 4get?

My reasons just seem really vague in my head.

:( I'm really sad

[angel21]

Thanks for the advice x

:(

[angel21]

oh no you didn't sound harsh at all. I just put the sad smiley cus I feel so sad. But you're advice was good.