What have I done Wrong? Why does he hate me?

[kanna]

Last night my husband and I had a tiff. or I think we did. I try not to fight back anymore so we dont have fight anymore. I was sleeping and he came in yelling at me because the cat had done something and it was my fault. I snapped at him telling him that whatever it was that was going wrong with his video game to please not take it out on me. Then i went and did the dishes that were in the sink. Only to find out when im done that he was going to sleep on the sofa. I asked and begged him to please sleep in the bedroom. With his job right now hes only home so often. after ten minutes of me begging he fell asleep. I went and got a blanket and pillow to sleep on the floor a few feet away from him. For the first time in a while i cried myself to sleep. only to wake to my husband getting up and going to sleep in the bedroom. what do i do? am i just miss reading this or does he really hate me? please someone help me.

[pericat]

I am shocked if he is treating you like this that you would let him. He sounds too young and immature to be in a relationship at all never mind married. You need to cop on and tell him to sort himself out or thats it between you.

[caththecrazy]

Has this been going on a long time as you say you try not to fight back anymore?

You need to talk to him - maybe he is depressed - or maybe he wants to end the relationship. What does he say when you're begging? Perhaps he needs help with anger management ?

It can't be good for either of you to carry on like this.

[pericat]

Cath has a good point about depression - maybe you could persuade him to go to the doctor as it would be hard for you being so close to deal with this.

[kanna]

Hes a marine. Weve been with each other for almost five years and then got married. I guess you can say that the whole time we were dating he would break up with every three or four months. Since weve been married things would get worse and then get better. Im taking meds to help with my problems to help with things. Ive asked him to go and see if he should be on meds. but he tells me that he cant that he would be kicked out of the marines. He says he loves me and that everytime i start to talk about heading back to my mothers in colorado he gets up set and fights with me about not going. I just dont know what to do anymore, we've been married for almost two years now and I jjust dont know anymore. I know im not the perfact wife, and Im tryin not to sound like im somekind of victom, im not. Ive messed up a lot in the past too, i just need to know what more can i do to save us. I love him to death.

[pericat]

Kanna - I am so sorry for your problems - you really should be looking for professional help in some way - you could go to a marriage councellor yourself and get advice on how you should be approaching this. You are obviously not happy so you need to sort it out and not keep on this way. He does sound depressed - I have a son who is depressed and it looks similar. Seek professional help

[caththecrazy]

Ahh one of my friends sister is married to a marine who has just come back from Afghanistan - she said it's like he has changed and he's not with her even though he is. I think it is down to what he has seen and experienced out there. He must be able to get help from the Marines - in the UK they have councellors etc and I'm assuming the US will be the same. I believe they even talk to spouses,

If he won't talk to you write him a letter and tell him everything you feel. You need to work this out for both your sakes.
He doesn't hate you it's his way of coping with his life in the Marines but he can'tlet it stay with him while he's at home. Do you know any of his mates or their wives?

Hope it works out for you

[kanna]

No i dont know any. I use to try to get to know them but i caused problems for him at work. So i just started to keep to myself. amd ive tried to get us to go to marriage counseling he wont go. Ive tried going to counseling for myself and when he found out about it I was to quit and not go at all. I know he has some anger problems, everytime i bring it up and ask him to go to the doctors for it, it started a fight or he just says no in that tone that means keep it up and there will be a fight

[kanna]

and thank you both for helping me out. It really means alot to me. thank you so much

[Suzieb]

I'm going out with a marine too. Like talking to a brick wall isn't it? I sometimes feel like I'm going out with a robot because my bloke never talks about his feelings EVER, and if we have an arugment it's aaaalwaaays my fault and it never gets spoken about, just forgotten about because he refuses to talk about it.
There's no excuse for him treating you like this. My marines a nightmare but he wouldn't ever treat me like this. It might be that he needs encouraging to talk to someone, a counsellor or something. Maybe his career has affected him without him even realising. There's no shame in him seeking support, but whether he will or not is another story isn't it? I hope you sort this out x

[caththecrazy]

Well you need to do something - why don't you just go and not tell him?

If you're that scared of him then you should be questioning whether you should stay with him - maybe you need a break - he is controlling you and you are doing exactly what he wants, because you don't want to annoy him and cause a fight. It won't get any better on its own and the longer it goes on the more control he will have.

[pericat]

Unfortunately he has to be the one to get help for himself you cant do it for him. But you do need to get help for yourself whether he wants you to or not. With the anger problem are you in physical danger

[lilacben]

Kanna, This is so sad. I feel for you. But remember it isnt your fault.!! He is the one with problems and I think he knows it. None of us are perfect, it just isnt possible. If he will not admit to his problems there is nothing you can do for him, he has to admit it and want help himself. You cannot live your life like this although you love him dearly. Could you prehaps go and stay with someone for a little while. When is he going away again.? Please don't make excuses for him. You sound young, is this the life you want for years ahead.? Think about how it has been for the past two years.? You also said he kept breaking up with you before you was married.. have you not got any firends you can talk to about this.? Look after yourself and take care. xx