Am I right to be upset?

[buffymad]

I need an agony aunt!

Long story, but I'll try and keep it short ... my husband and I have been married for 12 years but have been together for 20 years. We're very happy, very together and have total trust in each other. Ever since I met him he'd only worked with other men (and an old woman!). He's changed jobs in the last year or so and is now working with more women. They're all very chatty and nice - I've met them all, I'm totally fine with them and they're a good laugh. Because of the work (animals), they're always texting each other and this now includes my husband. Still fine with that. But then some texts are more "chatty". All still fine - but now I'm feeling a bit upset because he doesn't necessarily text me so much. I've mentioned it to him - that I felt a bit sad that they seemed to be getting more attention than me - say if one of them texts him while he's with me (at home or in the pub or wherever), he will stop and reply to them. But then he's said he'd reply straight away if it was one of the lads texting him too. He doesn't always answer my texts (he says) while at work because he can speak to me about them when he gets home. Which is true - but then I like getting texts and the fact that he'll be "chatty" with female co-workers and not with me is what was upsetting me! Also, he's met one of the girls to walk dogs together (both our dog and her dog are a bit anti-social so this was to try and get them used to each other). He asked if I was okay with that before doing it and I said yes - but I wasn't really! To be honest I was jealous that she was getting "social" time out with him while I was at work. I told him all this and he thinks I'm being silly and shouldn't be getting upset. From his side I've got nothing to worry about. I was just trying to make him understand the way I was feeling and trying to make him see it from my point of view - you know, how would he feel if it was me meeting a bloke from w

[craft1948]

vibra.......you have affairs :-(

[ummmm]

Ginger hasn't got the energy for an affair.....

Buffy....why don't you join him? Some of my best female friends I met through Ginger (bf)

[Bbbananas]

"you women wonder why we have affairs - jeez" !!!
Yup - and you men are constantly amazed why we women do.....

I dunno - some do, some don't. Under the skin we're all pretty much the same :-)

[Mcvj]

Vibra, what a flippant thing to say! Actually, it's a good point though - do men find neediness unsexy? Would we get further in our relationships from adopting a cooler attitude perhaps?

I like to flit between the two - to keep him guessing more than anything else! lol

[craft1948]

that's okay then......just stay away from that fluffy and her big cream buns.....

[Sqad]

Buffy.....let me put is this way.

I am sitting at my laptop in my study in my underpants and she (mrs sqad) has just brought in my lunch of cold chicken stuffed with cream cheese and wrapped in Jamon Serrano. Now, am I going to jeopardize that for a night in a hotel with salla?..............too bloody right I am.....LOL

[Bbbananas]

I find the less needy and clingy you are (which I've never been anyway) - the more it keeps a man interested. I like to keep an air of mystery - at least with my present man. On the one hand he admires my independence, but on the other it keeps him keen to think I'm not too bothered. I think he likes the challenge.... :-)

I do get told off sometimes for not treating him like a boyfriend. Hell - how do you treat a boyfriend? I've never treated them like Gods... and never will.

[Sqad]

mcvj/vibra....good points.

[Bbbananas]

sqadlet - for that comment I will stuff you with cream cheese and wrap you in serrano :-)

Don't get me wrong - I'm NICE to my BF, I care and try to be thoughtful. But could I live without him - Hell yes, and I do, very happily. Do I need to see him every day, or even every weekend - Hell no, but when we choose to see each other it's nice.

Buffy - I honestly don't think your hubby is going to cheat on you - just keep your eye on those dog walks (otherwise as known as 'dogging'). But in the meantime - do your own thing and take a few walks with other people yourself. I'm not saying be naughty - just remind yourself every now & again you are individuals as well as, what sounds like, a loving couple x

[kc123]

If you trust him you shouldnt worry yourself (it WILL cause stress). The way i look at things are if he was going to cheat then he will either way i dont think he will because of the way he is so open about txtin, i rarely ever reply to my wifes txts but i do my friends for the exact same reason i will be seeing her all that evening. I know its hard because you dont know the other womans intentions but it would be down to him to set her straight not you. hope you can sort this problem out i hope this helps in some way! kc